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7 0071S bSSl 

PS3545.R33 G3 1976 

Wright, Ernest Vincent, 


Gadsby : a story of over 

50,000 words without using 

the letter "E" 



(A Story of Over 50,000 Words \ 
Without Using the Letter "E" V 



Wetzel Publishing Co., Inc. 
: Los Angeles, California: 









The entire manuscript 
of this story was written with the E type-bar of 
the typewriter tied down ; thus making it impossible 
for that letter to be printed. This was done so that 
none of that vowel might slip in, accidentally; and 
many did try to do so ! 

There is a great deal of information as to 
what Youth can do, if given a chance ; and, though 
it starts out in somewhat of an impersonal vein, 
there is plenty of thrill, rollicking comedy, love, 
courtship, marriage, patriotism, sudden tragedy' a 
determined stand against liquor, and some amusing 
political aspirations in a small growing town. 

In writing such a story, — purposely avoid- 
ing all words containing the vowel E, there are a 
great many difficulties. The greatest of these is met 
in the past tense of verbs, almost all of which end 
with " — ed." Therefore substitutes must be found ; 
and they are very few. This will cause, at times, a 
somewhat monotonous use of such words as "said ;" 
for neither "replied," "answered" nor "asked" can 
be used. Another difficulty comes with the elimina- 
tion of the common couplet "of course," and its very 
common connective, "consequently ;" which will, un- 

[ 5 ] 

G A D S B Y 

avoidably cause "bumpy spots." The numerals also 
cause plenty of trouble, for none between six and 
thirty are available. When introducing young 
ladies into the story, this is a real barrier; for what 
young woman wants to have it known that she is 
over thirty? And this restriction on numbers, of 
course taboos all mention of dates. 

Many abbreviations also must be avoided; 
the most common of all, "Mr." and "Mrs." being 
particularly troublesome; for those words, if read 
aloud, plainly indicate the E in their orthography. 

As the vowel E is used more than five times 
of tener than any other letter, this story was written, 
not through any attempt to attain literary merit, 
but due to a somewhat balky nature, caused by hear- 
ing it so constantly claimed that "it can't be done; 
for you cannot say anything at all without using E, 
and make smooth continuity, with perfectly gram- 
matical construction — " so 'twas said. 

Many may think that I simply "drop" the 
E's, filling the gaps with apostrophes. A perusal of 
the book will show that this is not so. All words 
used are complete; are correctly spelled and properly 
used. This has been accomplished through the use 
of synonyms ; and, by so twisting a sentence around 
as to avoid ambiguity. The book may prove a valu- 
able aid to school children in English composition. 

[ 6 ] 


People, as a rule, will not stop to realize what 
a task such an attempt actually is. As I wrote 
along, in long-hand at first, a whole army of little 
E's gathered around my desk, all eagerly expecting 
to be called upon. But gradually as they saw me 
writing on and on, without even noticing them, they 
grew uneasy; and, with excited whisperings 
amongst themselves, began hopping up and riding 
on my pen, looking down constantly for a chance to 
drop off into some word ; for all the world like sea- 
birds perched, watching for a passing fish! But 
when they saw that I had covered 138 pages of 
typewriter size paper, they slid off onto the floor, 
walking sadly away, arm in arm ; but shouting back : 
"You certainly must have a hodge-podge of a yarn 
there without Us! Why, man! We are in every 
story ever written, hundreds of thousands of times! 
This is the first time we ever were shut out !" 

Pronouns also caused trouble; for such 
words as he, she, they, them, theirs, her, herself, my- 
self, himself, yourself, etc., could not be utilized. 
But a particularly annoying obstacle comes when, 
almost through a long paragraph you can find no 
words with which to continue that line of thought; 
hence, as in Solitaire, you are "stuck," and must go 
way back and start another ; which, of course, must 
perfectly fit the preceding context. 

[ 7 ] 

G A D S B Y 

I have received some extremely odd criti- 
cisms since the Associated Press widely announced 
that such a book was being written. A rapid-talking 
New York newspaper columnist wanted to know 
how I would get over the plain fact that my name 
contains the letter E three times. As an author's 
name is not a part of his story, that criticism did 
not hold water. And I received one most scathing 
epistle from a lady (woman!) denouncing me as a 
"genuine fake;" (that paradox being a most inter- 
esting one!), and ending by saying; — "Everyone 
knows that such a feat is impossible." All right. 
Then the impossible has been accomplished ; ( a par- 
adox to equal hers!) Other criticism may be 
directed at the Introduction; but this section of 
a story also is not part of it. The author is 
entitled to it, in order properly to explain 
his work. The story required five and a half 
months of concentrated endeavor, with so many 
erasures and retrenchments that I tremble as I think 
of them. Of course anybody can write such a story. 
All that is needed is a piece of string tied from the 
E type-bar down to some part of the base of the 
typewriter. Then simply go ahead and type your 
story. Incidentally, you should have some sort of a 
bromide preparation handy, for use when the going 
gets rough, as it most assuredly will ! 

[ 8 ] 


Before the book was in print, I was freely 
and openly informed "there is a trick, or catch," 
somewhere in that claim that there is not one letter 
E in the entire book, after you leave the Introduc- 
tion. Well; it is the privilege of the reader to un- 
earth any such deception that he or she may think 
they can find. I have even ordered the printer not 
to head each chapter with the words "Chapter 2," 
etc., on account of that bothersome E in that word. 

In closing let me say that I trust you may 
learn to love all the young folks in the story, as 
deeply as I have, in introducing them to you. Like 
many a book, it grows more and more interesting 
as the reader becomes well acquainted with the 

Los Angeles, California 
February, 1939 

[ 9 ] 


If Youth, throughout 
all history, had had a champion to stand up for it; 
to show a doubting world that a child can think; 
and, possibly, do it practically; you wouldn't con- 
stantly run across folks today who claim that "a 
child don't know anything." A child's brain starts 
functioning at birth ; and has, amongst its many in- 
fant convolutions, thousands of dormant atoms, in- 
to which God has put a mystic possibility for notic- 
ing an adult's act, and figuring out its purport. 

Up to about its primary school days a child 
thinks, naturally, only of play. But many a form 
of play contains disciplinary ^actors. "You can't do 
this," or "that puts you out," shows a child that it 
must think, practically, or fail. Now, if, through- 
out childhood, a brain has no opposition, it is plain 
that it will attain a position of "status quo," as with 
our ordinary animals. Man knows not why a cow, 
dog or lion was not born with a brain on a par with 
ours; why such animals cannot add, subtract, or 
obtain from books and schooling, that paramount 
position which Man holds today. 

But a human brain is not in that class. Con- 
stantly throbbing and pulsating, it rapidly forms 

t 10 ] 

G A D S B Y 

opinions; attaining an ability of its own; a fact 
which is startlingly shown by an occasional child 
"prodigy" in music or school work. And as, with 
our dumb animals, a child's inability convincingly 
to impart its thoughts to us, should not class it as 

Upon this basis I am going to show you how 
a bunch of bright young folks did find a champion ; 
a man with boys and girls of his own ; a man of so 
dominating and happy individuality that Youth is 
drawn to him as is a fly to a suga- bowl. It is a 
story about a small town. It is not a gossipy yarn ; 
nor is it a dry, monotonous account, full of such cus- 
tomary "fill-ins" as "romantic moonlight casting 
murky shadows down a long, winding country 
road." Nor will it 2 say anything about tinklings 
lulling distant folds; robins carolling at twilight, 
nor any "warm glow of lamplight" from a cabin 
window. No. It is an account of up-and-doing 
activity; a vivid portrayal of Youth as it is today; 
and a practical discarding of that worn-out notion 
that "a child don't know anything." 

Now, any author, from history's dawn, 
always had that most important aid to writing: — 
an ability to call upon any word in his dictionary in 
tjuilding up his story. That is, our strict laws as to 
ord construction did not block his path. But in 

[ 11 ] 

G A D S B Y 

my story that mighty obstruction will constantly 
stand in my path ; for many an important, common 
word I cannot adopt, owing to its orthography. 

I shall act as a sort of historian for this small 
town; associating with its inhabitants, and striving 
to acquaint you with its youths, in such a way that 
you can look, knowingly, upon any child, rich or 
poor; forward or "backward;" your own, or John 
Smith's, in your community. You will find many 
young minds aspiring to know how, and WHY such 
a thing is so. And, if a child shows curiosity in that 
way, how ridiculous it is for you to snap out ; — 

"Oh! Don't ask about things too old for 

Such a jolt to a young child's mind, craving 
instruction, is apt so to dull its avidity, as to hold it 
back in its school work. Try to look upon a child 
as a small, soft young body and a rapidly growing, 
constantly inquiring brain. It must grow to matur- 
ity slowly. Forcing a child through school by con- 
stant night study during hours in which it should 
run and play, can bring on insomnia; handicap- 
ping both brain and body. 

Now this small town in our story had grown 
in just that way ; — slowly ; in fact, much too slowly 
to stand on a par with many a thousand of its kind 
in this big, vigorous nation of ours. It was simply 

[ 12 ] 

G A D S B Y 

stagnating ; just as a small mountain brook, coming 
to a hollow, might stop, and sink from sight, 
through not having a will to find a way through that 
obstruction ; or around it. You will run across such 
a dormant town, occasionally; possibly so dormant 
that only outright isolation by a fast-moving world, 
will show it its folly. If you will tour Asia, Yuca- 
tan, or parts of Africa and Italy, you will find many 
sad ruins of past kingdoms. Go to Indo-China and 
visit its gigantic Ankhor Vat; call at Damascus, 
Baghdad and Samarkand. What sorrowful lack of 
ambition many such a community shows in thus dis- 
carding such high-class construction! And I say, 
again, that so will Youth grow dormant, and hold 
this big, throbbing world back, if no champion backs 
it up ; thus providing it with an opportunity to show 
its ability for looking forward, and improving un- 
satisfactory conditions. 

So this small town of Branton Hills was 
lazily snoozing amidst up-and-doing towns, as 
Youth's Champion, John Gadsby, took hold of it; 
and shook its dawdling, flabby body until its inhabi- 
tants thought a tornado had struck it. Call it tor- 
nado, volcano, military onslaught, or what you will, 
this town found that it had a bunch of kids who had 
wills that would admit of no snoozing ; for that is 

[ 13 ] 

G A D S B Y 

Youth, on its forward march of inquiry, thought 
and action. 

If you stop to think of it, you will find that 
it is customary for our "grown-up" brain to cast off 
many of its functions of its youth ; and to think only 
of what it calls "topics of maturity." Amongst such 
discards, is many a form of happy play ; many a 
muscular activity such as walking, running, climb- 
ing; thus totally missing that alluring "joy of liv- 
ing" of childhood. If you wish a vacation from fi- 
nancial affairs, just go out and play with Youth. 
Play "blind-man's buff," "hop-scotch," "ring toss," 
and football. Go out to a charming woodland spot on 
a picnic with a bright, happy, vivacious group. Sit 
down at a corn roast; a marshmallow toast; join in 
singing popular songs ; drink a quart of good, rich 
milk ; burrow into that big lunch box ; and all such 
things as banks, stocks, and family bills, will vanish 
on fairy wings, into oblivion. 

But this is not a claim that Man should stay 
always youthful. Supposing that that famous 
Spaniard, landing upon Florida's coral strands, had 
found that mythical Fountain of Youth; what a 
calamity for mankind ! A world without maturity of 
thought ; without man's full-grown muscular ability 
to construct mighty buildings, railroads and ships ; a 
world without authors, doctors, savants, musicians ; 

[ 14 ] 

G A D S B Y 

nothing but Youth ! I can think of but a solitary ap- 
proval of such a condition; for such a horror as 
war would not, — could not occur; for a child is, 
naturally, a small bunch of sympathy. I know that 
boys will "scrap;" also that "spats" will occur 
amongst girls; but, at such a monstrosity as 
killings by bombing towns, sinking ships, or mass 
annihilation of marching troops, childhood would 
stand aghast. Not a tiny bird would fall; nor would 
any form of gun nor facility for manufacturing it, 
insult that almost Holy purity of youthful thought. 
Anybody who knows that wracking sorrow brought 
upon a child by a dying puppy or cat, knows that 
childhood can show us that our fighting, our policy 
of " a tooth for a tooth," is abominably wrong. 

So, now to start our story ; — 

Branton Hills was a small town in a rich ag- 
ricultural district ; and having many a possibility for 
growth. But, through a sort of smug satisfaction 
with conditions of long ago, had no thought of im- 
proving such important adjuncts as roads; putting 
up public buildings, nor laying out parks; in fact a 
dormant, slowly dying community. So satisfactory 
was its status that it had no form of transportation 
to surrounding towns but by railroad, or "old Dob- 
Jln." Now, any town thus isolating its inhabitants, 

fill invariably find this big, busy world passing it 
[ 15 ] 

G A D S B Y 

by ; glancing at it, curiously, as at an odd animal at a 
circus; and, you will find, caring not a whit about 
its condition. Naturally, a town should grow. You 
can look upon it as a child ; which, through natural 
conditions, should attain manhood; and add to its 
surrounding thriving districts its products of farm, 
shop, or factory. It should show a spirit of associ- 
ation with surrounding towns ; crawl out of its lair, 
and find how backward it is. 

Now, in all such towns, you will find, occa- 
sionally, an individual born with that sort of brain 
which, knowing that his town is backward, longs to 
start things toward improving it ; not only its living 
conditions, but adding an institution or two, such as 
any city, big or small, maintains, gratis, for its in- 
habitants. But so forward looking a man finds that 
trying to instill any such notions into a town's ruling 
body is about as satisfactory as butting against a 
brick wall. Such "Boards" as you find ruling many 
a small town, function from such a soporific rut that 
any hint of digging cash from its cast iron strong 
box with its big brass padlock, will fall upon minds 
as rigid as rock. 

Branton Hills had such a man, to whom 
such rigidity was as annoying as a thorn in his foot. 
Continuous trials brought only continual thorn - 
pricks; until, finally, a brilliant plan took form as 

[ 16 ] 

G A D S B Y 

John Gadsby found Branton Hills' High School 
pupils waking up to Branton Hills' sloth. Gadsby 
continually found this bright young bunch asking: — 

"Aw ! Why is this town so slow ? It's noth- 
ing but a dry twig ! !" 

"Ha !" said Gadsby ; "A dry twig ! That's it ! 
Many a living, blossoming branch all around us, and 
this solitary dry twig, with a tag hanging from it, 
on which you will find : 'Branton Hills ; A twig too 
lazy to grow !' " 

Now this put a "hunch" in Gadsby's brain, 
causing him to say ; " A High School pupil is not a 
child, now. Naturally a High School boy has not a 
man's qualifications; nor has a High School girl 
womanly maturity. But such kids, born in this 
swiftly moving day, think out many a notion which 
will work, but which would pass our dads and 
granddads in cold disdain. Just as ships pass at 
night. But supposing that such ships should show 
a light in passing ; or blow a horn ; or, if — if — if — 
By Golly! I'll do it!" 

And so Gadsby sat on his blossom-bound 
porch on a mild Spring morning, thinking and smok- 
ing. Smoking can calm a man down; and his 
thoughts had so long and so constantly clung to this 
plan of his that a cool outlook as to its promulga- 
tion was not only important, but paramount. So, as 

[ 17 ] 

G A D S B Y 

his cigar was whirling and puffing rings aloft ; and 
as groups of bright, happy boys and girls trod past, 
to school, his plan rapidly took form as follows : — 

"Youth! What is it? Simply a start. A 
start of what ? Why, of that most astot nding of all 
human functions; thought. But man didn't start 
his brain working. No. All that an adult can claim 
is a continuation, or an amplification of thoughts, 
dormant in his youth. Although a child's brain can 
absorb instruction with an ability far surpassing 
that of a grown man; and, although such a young 
brain is bound by rigid limits, it contains a capacity 
for constantly craving additional facts. So, in our 
backward Branton Hills, I just know that I can find 
boys and girls who can show our old moss-back 
Town Hall big-wigs a thing or two. Why! On 
Town Hall night, just go and sit in that room and 
find out just how stupid and stubborn a Council, 
(put into Town Hall, you know, through popular 
ballot!), can act. Say that a road is badly worn, 
Shall it stay so? Up jumps Old Bill Simpkins 
claiming that it is a townsman's duty to fix up his 
wagon springs if that road is too rough for him !" 

As Gadsby sat thinking thus, his plan was 
rapidly growing; and, in a month, was actuall) 
starting to work. How ? You'll know shortly ; but 
first, you should know this John Gadsby ; a man oi 

[ 18 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"around fifty;" a family man, and known through- 
out Brai'ton Hills for his high standard of honor 
an d altruism on any kind of an occasion for public 
good. A loyal churchman, Gadsby was a man who, 
though admitting that an occasional fault in our 
daily acts is bound to occur, had taught his two boys 
and a pail' of girls that, though folks do slip from 
what Scriptural authors call that "straight and nar- 
row path," it will not pay to risk your own Soul by 
slipping, just so that you can laugh at your ability in 
staying out of prison; for Gadsby, having grown 
up in Branton Hills, could point to many such man 
or woman. So, with such firm convictions in his 
mind, this upstanding man was constantly striving 
so to act that no complaint from man, woman or 
child should bring a word of disapproval. In his 
mind, what a man might do was that man's affair 
only and could stain no Soul but his own. And his 
altruism taught that it is not difficult to find many 
ways in which to bring joy to such as cannot, 
through physical disability, go out to look for it ; and 
that only a small bit of joy, brought to a shut-in in- 
valid will carry with it such a warmth as can flow 
only from acts of human sympathy. 

For many days Gadsby had thought of ways 
in which folks with a goodly bank account could aid 
in building up this rapidly backsliding town of 

[ 19] 

G A D S B Y 

Branton Hills. But, how to show that class what a 
contribution could do? In this town, full of capital- 
ists and philanthropists contributing, off and on, for 
shipping warming pans to Zulus, Gadsby saw a so- 
lution. In whom? Why, in just that bunch of bright, 
happy school kids, back from many a visit to a city, 
and noting its ability in improving its living condi- 
tions. So Gadsby thought of thus carrying an ink- 
ling to such capitalists as to how this stagnating 
town could claim a big spot upon our national map, 
which is now shown only in small, insignificant 

As a start, Branton Hills' "Daily Post" 
would carry a long story, outlining a list of factors 
for improving conditions. This it did; but it wil 
always stay as a blot upon high minds and prouc 
blood that not a man or woman amongst such capi- 
talists saw, in his plan, any call for dormant funds. 
But did that stop Gadsby? Can you stop a rising 
wind ? Hardly ! So Gadsby took into council about 
forty boys of his vicinity and built up an Organiza- 
tion of Youth. Also about as many girls who hac 
known what it is, compulsorily to pass up many 
picnic, or various forms of sport, through a lack of 
public park land. So this strong, vigorous combina- 
tion of both youth and untiring activity, avidly took 
up Gadsby's plan ; for nothing so stirs up a youthf u 


G A D iS BY 

mind as an opportunity for accomplishing anything 
that adults cannot do. And did Gadsby know 
Youth ? I'll say so ! His two sons and girls, now in 
High or Grammar school, had taught him a thing or 
two; principal amongst which was that all-dominat- 
ing fact that, at a not too far distant day, our young 
folks will occupy important vocational and also po- 
litical positions, and will look back upon this, our 
day ; smiling kindly at our way of doing things. So, 
to say that many a Branton Hills "King of Capital" 
got a bit huffy as a High School stripling was prov- 
ing how stubborn a rich man is if his dollars don't 
aid so vast an opportunity for doing good, would 
put it mildly! Such downright gall by a half- 
grown kid to inform him; an outstanding light on 
Branton Hills' tax list, that this town was sliding 
down hill; and would soon land in an abyss of na- 
tional oblivion ! And our Organization girls ! How 
Branton Hills' rich old widows and plump matrons 
did sniff in disdain as a group of High School pupils 
brought forth straightforward claims that cash 
paving a road, is doing good practical work, but, 
in filling up a strong box, is worth nothing to our 

Oh, that class of nabobs ! How thoroughly 
Gadsby did know its parsimony ! ! And how thor- 
oughly did this hard-planning man know just what 

[ 21 ] 

G A D S B Y 

a constant onslaught by Youth could do. So, in 
about a month, his "Organization" had "waylaid," 
so to say, practically half of Branton Hills' cash 
kings ; and had so won out, through that commonly 
known "pull" upon an adult by a child asking for 
what plainly is worthy, that his mail brought not 
only cash, but two rich landlords put at his disposal, 
tracts of land "for any form of occupancy which 
can, in any way, aid our town." This land Gadsby's 
Organization promptly put into growing farm prod- 
ucts for gratis distribution to Branton Hills' poor; 
and that burning craving of Youth for activity 
soon had it sprouting corn, squash, potato, onion and 
asparagus crops ; and, to "doll it up a bit," put in a 
patch of blossoming plants. 

Naturally any man is happy at a satisfactory 
culmination of his plans and so, as Gadsby found 
that public philanthropy was but an affair of plain, 
ordinary approach, it did not call for much brain 
work to find that, possibly also, a way might turn 
up for putting handicraft instruction in Branton 
Hills' schools; for schooling, according to him, die 
not consist only of books and black-boards. Hands 
also should know how to construct various practica 
things in woodwork, plumbing, blacksmithing, ma- 
sonry, and so forth; with thorough instruction in 
sanitation, and that most important of all youthfu 

[ 22 ] 

G A D S B Y 

activity, gymnastics. For girls such a school could 
instruct in cooking, suit making, hat making, fancy 
work, art and loom-work ; in fact, about any handi- 
craft that a girl might wish to study, and which is 
n ot in our standard school curriculum. But as 
Gadsby thought of such a school, no way for back- 
ing it financially was in sight. Town funds naturally, 
should carry it along; but town funds and Town 
Councils do not always form what you might call 
synonymous words. So it was compulsory that cash 
should actually "drop into his lap," via a continua- 
tion of solicitations by his now grandly functioning 
Organization of Youth. So, out again trod that 
bunch of bright, happy kids, putting forth such 
plain, straightforward facts as to what Manual 
Training would do for Branton Hills, that many 
saw it in that light. But you will always find a 
group, or individual complaining that such things 
would "automatically dawn" on boys and girls 
without any training. Old Bill Simpkins was loud 
in his antagonism to what was a "crazy plan to dip 
into our town funds just to allow boys to saw up 
good wood, and girls to burn up good flour, trying 
to cook biscuits." Kids, according to him, should 
go to work in Branton Hills' shopping district, and 
profit by it. 

"Bah ! Why not start a class to show goldfish 
[23 ] 

G A D S B Y 

how to waltz ! / didn't go to any such school ; and 
what am I now? A Councilman! I can't saw 
a board straight, nor fry a potato chip; but I can 
show you folks how to hang onto your town funds." 

Old Bill was a notorious grouch ; but our Or- 
ganization occasionally did find a totally varying 
mood. Old Lady Flanagan, with four boys in 
school, and a husband many days too drunk to work, 
was loud in approval. 

"Whoops! Thot's phwat I calls a grand 
thing ! Worra, worra ! I wish Old Man Flanagan 
had had sich an opporchunity. But thot ignorant 
old clod don't know nuthin' but boozin', tobacca 
shmokin' and ditch-diggin'. And you know thot our 
Council ain't a-payin' for no ditch-scoopin' right 
now. So /'// shout for thot school! For my boys 
can find out how to fix thot barn door our old cow 
laid down against." 

Ha, ha! What a circus our Organization 
had with such varying moods and outlooks! But, 
finally such a school was built; instructors brought 
in from surrounding towns; and Gadsby was as 
happy as a cat with a bah of yarn. 

As Branton Hills found out what it can ac- 
complish if it starts out with vigor and a will to win, 
our Organization thought of laying out a big park; 
furnishing an opportunity for small tots to romp 

[ 24 ] 

G A D S B Y 

and play on grassy plots; a park for all sorts of 
sports, picnics, and so forth; sand lots for baby- 
hood; cozy arbors for girls who might wish to 
study, or talk. (You might, possibly, find a girl 
who can talk, you know!); also shady nooks and 
winding paths for old folks who might find comfort 
in such. Gadsby thought that a park is truly a most 
important adjunct to any community ; for, if a grow- 
ing population has no out-door spot at which its 
glooms, slumps and morbid thoughts can vanish 
upon wings of sunlight, amidst bright colorings of 
shrubs and sky, it may sink into a grouchy, fault- 
finding, squabbling group ; and making such a show- 
ing for surrounding towns as to hold back any gain 
in population or valuation. Gadsby had a goodly 
plot of land in a grand location for a park and sold 
it to Branton Hills for a dollar ; that stingy Council 
to lay it out according to his plans. And how his 
Organization did applaud him for this, his first "solo 
work !" 

But schools and parks do not fulfill all of a 
town's calls. Many minds of varying kinds will long 
for an opportunity for finding out things not ordi- 
narily taught in school. So Branton Hills' Public Li- 
brary was found too small. As it was now in a 
small back room in our High School, it should oc- 
cupy its own building; down town, and handy for 

[ 25 ] 

G A D S B Y 

all; and with additional thousands of books and 
maps. Now, if you think Gadsby and his youthful 
assistants stood aghast at such a gigantic proposi- 
tion, you just don't know Youth, as it is today. But 
to whom could Youth look for so big an outlay as a 
library building would cost? Books also cost; li- 
brarians and janitors draw pay. So, with light, 
warmth, and all-round comforts, it was a task to 
stump a full-grown politician; to say nothing of a 
plain, ordinary townsman and a bunch of kids. So 
Gadsby thought of taking two bright boys and two 
smart girls to Washington, to call upon a man in a 
high position, who had got it through Branton Hills' 
popular ballot. Now, any politician is a convincing 
orator. (That is, you know, all that politics consists 
of !) ; and this big man, in contact with a visiting 
capitalist, looking for a handout for his own dis- 
trict, got a donation of a thousand dollars. But that 
wouldn't start a public library; to say nothing of 
maintaining it. So, back in Branton Hills, again, 
our Organization was out, as usual, on its war-path. 
Branton Hills' philanthropy was now show- 
ing signs of monotony; so our Organization had to 
work its linguistic ability and captivating tricks full 
blast, until that thousand dollars had so grown that 
a library was built upon a vacant lot which had 
grown nothing but grass; and only a poor quality 

[ 26 ] 

G A D S B Y 

of it, at that; and many a child and adult quickly 
found ways of profitably passing odd hours. 

Naturally Old Bill. Simpkins was snooping 
around, sniffing and snorting at any signs of making 
Branton Hills "look cityish," (a word originating 
in Bill's vocabulary.) 

"Huh ! ! / didn't put in any foolish hours with 
books in my happy childhood in this good old town ! 
But I got along all right; and am now having my 
say in its Town Hall doing^s. Books ! ! Pooh ! Maps ! 
BAH ! ! It's silly to squat in a hot room squinting 
at a lot of print ! If you want to know about a thing, 
go to work in a shop or factory of that kind, and 
find out about it first-hand." 

"But, Bill," said Gadsby, "shops want a man 
who knows what to do without having to stop to 
train him." 

"Oh, that's all bosh ! If a boss shows a man 
what a tool is for; and if that man is any good, at 
all, why bring up this stuff you call training? That 
man grabs a tool, works 'til noon ; knocks off for an 
hour ; works 'til " 

At this point in Bill's blow-up an Italian 
Councilman was passing, and put in his oar, with : — 

"Ha, Bill ! You thinka your man can worka 
all right, firsta day, huh ? You talka crazy so much 
as a fool ! I laugha tinkin' of you startin' on a patcha 

[ 27 ] 

G A D S B Y 

for my boota ! You lasta just a half hour. Thisa 
library all righta. This town too mucha what I call 

Oh, hum ! ! It's a tough job making old dogs 
do tricks. But our Organization was now holding 
almost daily sittings, and soon a bright girl thought 
of having band music in that now popular park. 
And what do you think that stingy Council did ? It 
actually built a most fantastic band-stand; got a 
contract with a first-class, band, and all without so 
much as a Councilman fainting away ! ! So, finally, 
on a hot July Sunday, two solid hours of grand har- 
mony brought joy to many a poor Soul who had not 
for many a day, known that balm of comfort which 
can "air out our brains' dusty corridors," and bring 
such happy thrills, as Music, that charming Fairy, 
which knows no human words, can bring. Around 
that gaudy band-stand, at two-thirty on that first 
Sunday, sat or stood as happy a throng of old and 
young as any man could wish for ; and Gadsby and 
his "gang" got hand-clasps and hand-claps, from all. 
A good band, you know, not only can stir and thrill 
you ; for it can play a soft crooning lullaby, a lilting 
waltz or polka ; or, with its wood winds, bring forth 
old songs of our childhood, ballads of courting days, 
or hymns and carols of Christmas; and can suit all 

[ 28 ] 


sorts of folks, in all sorts of moods ; for a Spaniard, 
Dutchman or Russian can find similar joy with a 
inan from Itary, Norway or far away Brazil. 

[29 ] 


By now, Branton Hills 
was so proud of not only its "smarting up," but also 
of its startling growth, on that account, that an ap- 
plication was put forth for its incorporation as a 
city; a small city, naturally, but full of that condi- 
tion of Youth, known as "growing pains." So its 
shabby old "Town Hall" sign was thrown away, and 
a black and gold onyx slab, with "City Hall" 
blazing forth in vivid colors, put up, amidst band 
music, flag waving, parading and oratory. In only 
a month from that glorious day, Gadsby found folks 
"primping up": girls putting on bright ribbons; 
boys finding that suits could stand a good ironing; 
and rich widows and portly matrons almost out- 
doing any rainbow in brilliancy. An occasional shop 
along Broadway, which had a rattly door or shaky 
windows was put into first class condition, to fit 
Branton Hills' status as a city. Old Bill Simpkins 
was strutting around, as pompous as a drum-major ; 
for, now, that old Town Council would function as 
a CITY council; HIS council! His own stamping 
ground ! According to him, from it, at no far day, 
"Bill Simpkins, City Councilman," would show an 

[ 30 ] 

G A D S B Y 

anxiously waiting world how to run a city ; though 
probably, I think, how not to run it. 

It is truly surprising what a narrow mind, 
what a blind outlook a man, brought up with prac- 
tically no opposition to his boyhood wants, can at- 
tain ; though brought into contact with indisputably 
important data for improving his city. Our Organ- 
ization boys thought Bill "a bit off;" but Gadsby 
would only laugh at his blasts against paying out 
city funds; for, you know, all bombs don't burst; 
you occasionally find a "dud." 

But this furor for fixing up rattly doors or 
shaky windows didn't last; for Old Bill's oratory 
found favor with a bunch of his old tight-wads, who 
actually thought of inaugurating a campaign 
against Gadsby's Organization of Youth. As soon 
as this was known about town, that mythical pot, 
known as Public Opinion, was boiling furiously. A 
vast majority stood back of Gadsby and his kids; 
so, old Bill's ranks could count only on a small group 
of rich old Shylocks to whom a bank-book was a 
thing to look into or talk about only annually ; that 
is, on bank-balancing days. This small minority 
got up a slogan : — "Why Spoil a Good Old Town ?" 
and actually did, off and on, talk a shopman out of 
fixing up his shop or grounds. This, you know, put 
additional vigor into our Organization ; inspiring a 

[ 31 ] 

G A D S B Y 

boy to bring up a plan for calling a month, — say 
July, — "pick-up, paint-up and wash-up month ;" for 
it was a plain fact that, all about town, was many a 
shabby spot; a lot of buildings could stand a good 
coat of paint, and yards raking up; thus showing 
surrounding towns that not only could Branton 
Hills "doll up," but had a class of inhabitants who 
gladly would go at such a plan, and carry it through. 
So Gadsby got his "gang" out, to sally forth and 
any man or woman who did not jump, at first, at 
such a plan by vigorous Youth, was always brought 
around, through noticing how poorly a shabby yard 
did look. So Gadsby put in Branton Hills' "Post" 
this stirring call : — 

"Raking up your yard or painting your build- 
ing is simply improving it both in worth; ar "stically 
and from a utilization standpoint. I know that 
many a city front lawn is small ; but, if it is only 
fairly big, a walk, cut curvingly, will add to it, sur- 
prisingly. That part of a walk which runs to your 
front door could show rows of small rocks rough 
and natural; and grading from small to big; but 
no 'hit-or-miss' layout. You can so fix up your yard 
as to form an approach to unity in plan with such 
as adjoin you; though without actual duplication; 
thus providing harmony for all who may pass by. 

[ 32 ] 

G A D S B Y 

It is, in fact, but a bit of City Planning; and any- 
body who aids in such work is a most worthy inhab- 
itant. So, cut your scraggly lawns! Trim your 
old, shaggy shrubs ! Bring into artistic form, your 
grass-grown walks!" 

(Now, naturally, in writing such a story as this, 
with its conditions as laid down in its Introduction, 
it is not surprising that an occasional "rough spot" 
in composition is found. So I trust that a critical 
public will hold constantly in mind that I am volun- 
tarily avoiding words containing that symbol which 
is, by far, of most common inclusion in writing 
our Anglo-Saxon as it is, today. Many of our most 
common words cannot show; so I must adopt syno- 
nyms; a*-d so twist a thought around as to say what 
I wish'' ith as much clarity as I can.) 

So, now to go on with this odd contraption : 

By Autumn, a man who took his vacation in 

July, would hardly know his town upon coming back , 

so thoroughly had thousands "dug in" to aid in its 


"Boys," said Gadsby, "you can pat your own 
backs, if you can't find anybody to do it for you. 
This city is proud of you. And, girls, just sing 
with joy ; for not only is your city proud of you, but 
I am. too." 

[ 33 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"But how about you, sir, and your work?" 

This was from Frank; a boy brought up to 
think fairly on all things. "Oh," said Gadsby laugh- 
ingly, "I didn't do much of anything but boss you 
young folks around. If our Council awards any 
diplomas, I don't want any. I would look ridicu- 
lous strutting around with a diploma with a pink 
ribbon on it, now wouldn't I !" 

This talk of diplomas was as a bolt from a 
bright sky to this young, hustling bunch. But, 
though Gadsby's words did sound as though a 
grown man wouldn't want such a thing, that wasn't 
saying that a young boy or girl wouldn't ; and with 
this surprising possibility ranking in young minds, 
many a kid was in an anti-soporific condition for 
parts of many a night. 

But a kindly Councilman actually did bring 
up a bill about this diploma affair, and his 
collaborators put it through; which naturally 
brought up talk as how to award such diplomas. 
At last it was thought that a big public affair at 
City Hall, with our Organization on a platform, 
with Branton Hills' Mayor and Council, would 
furnish an all-round, satisfactory way. 

Such an occasion was worthy of a lot of 
planning; and a first thought was for flags and 

[ 34 ] 

G A D S B Y 

bunting on all public buildings ; with a grand illum- 
ination at night. Stationary lights should glow from 
all points on which a light could stand, hang, or 
swing; and gigantic rays should swoop and swish 
across clouds and sky. Bands should play ; boys and 
girls march and sing; and a vast crowd would pour 
into City Hall. As on similar occasions, a bad rush 
for chairs was apt to occur, a company of military 
units should occupy all important points, to hold 
back anything simulating a jam. 

Now, if you think our Organization wasn't 
all agog and wild, with youthful anticipation at hav- 
ing a diploma for work out of school hours, you 
just don't know Youth. Boys and girls, though not 
full grown inhabitants of a city, do know what will 
add to its popularity; and having had a part in 
bringing about such conditions, it was but natural 
to look back upon such, as any military man might 
at winning a difficult fight. 

So, finally our big day was at hand! That 
it might not cut into school hours, it was on a Satur- 
day; and, by noon, about a thousand kids, singing, 
shouting and waving flags, stood in formation at 
City Park, awaiting, with growing thrills, a signal 
which would start as big a turn-out as Branton Hills 
had known in all its history. Up at City Hall 

[ 35 ] 

G A D S B Y 

awaiting arrivals of city officials, a big crowd sat; 
row upon row of chairs which not only took up all 
floor room, but also many a small spot, in door-way 
or on a balcony in which a chair or stool could find 
footing; and all who could not find such an oppor- 
tunity willingly stood in back. Just as a group of 
officials sat down on that flag-bound platform, dis- 
tant throbbing of drums, and bright, snappy band 
music told of Branton Hills' approaching thousands 
of kids, who, finally marching in through City Hall's 
main door, stood in a solid mass around that big 

Naturally Gadsby had to put his satisfaction 
into words; and, advancing to a mahogany stand, 
stood waiting for a storm of hand-clapping and 
shouts to quit, and said : — 

"Your Honor, Mayor of Branton Hills, its 
Council, and all you out in front: — If you would 
only stop rating a child's ability by your own; and 
try to find out just what ability a child has, our 
young folks throughout this big world would show a 
surprisingly willing disposition to try things which 
would bring your approbation. A child's brain is 
an astonishing thing. It has, in its construction, an J 
astounding capacity for absorbing what is brought ( 
to it ; and not only to think about, but to find ways I 

[ 36 ] 

G A D S B Y 

for improving it. It is today's child who, tomorrow, 
will, you know, laugh at our ways of doing things. 
So, in putting across this campaign of building up 
our community into a municipality which has won 
acclaim, not only from its officials and inhabitants, 
but from surrounding towns I found, in our young 
folks, an out-and-out inclination to assist ; and you, 
today, can look upon it as labor in which your adult 
aid was but a small factor. So now, my Organiza- 
tion of Youth, if you will pass across this platform, 
your Mayor will hand you your diplomas." 

Not in all Branton Hills' history had any boy 
or girl known such a thrill as upon winning that 
hard-won roll ! And from solid banks of humanity 
roars of congratulation burst forth. As soon as 
Mayor Brown shook hands (and such tiny, warm, 
soft young hands, too!) with all, a big out-door 
lunch was found waiting on a charming lawn back 
of City Hall ; and this was no World War mobili- 
zation lunch of doughnuts and a hot dog sand- 
wich ; but, as two of Gadsby's sons said, was "an all- 
round, good, big fill-up;" and many a boy's and 
girl's "tummy" was soon as round and taut as a 

As twilight was turning to dusk, boys in an 
adjoining lot shot skyward a crashing bomb, an- 

[ 37 ] 

G A D S B Y 

nouncing a grand illumination as a fitting climax 
for so glorious a day; and thousands sat on rock- 
walls, grassy knolls, in cars or at windows, with a 
big crowd standing along curbs and crosswalks. 
Myriads of lights of all colors, in solid balls, sprays, 
sparkling fountains, and bursts of glory, shot, in 
criss-cross paths, up and down, back and forth, 
across a star-lit sky ; providing a display without a 
par in local annals. 

But not only did Youth thrill at so fantastic 
a show. Adults had many a Fourth of July brought 
back from a distant past ; in which our national cus- 
tom wound up our most important holiday with a 
similar display; only, in our Fourths of long ago, 
horrifying, gigantic concussions would disturb old 
folks and invalids until midnight; at which hour, 
according to law, all such carrying-on must stop. 
But did it ? Possibly in your town, but not around 
my district ! All Fourth of July outfits don't always 
function at first, you know; and no kid, (or adult!) 
would think of quitting until that last pop should 
pop ; or that last bang should bang. And so, many 
a dawn on July fifth found things still going, full 

t 38 ] 


Youth cannot stay for 
long in a condition of inactivity; and so, for only 
about a month did things so stand, until a particu- 
larly bright girl in our Organization, thought out a 
plan for caring for infants of folks who had to go 
out, to work; and this bright kid soon had a group 
of girls who would join, during vacation, in volun- 
tarily giving up four days a month to such work. 
With about fifty girls collaborating, all districts had 
this most gracious aid; and a girl would not only 
watch and guard, but would also instruct, as far as 
practical, any such tot as had not had its first school- 
ing. Such work by young girls still in school was a 
grand thing; and Gadsby not only stood up for 
such loyalty, but got at his boys to find a similar 
plan ; and soon had a full troop of Boy Scouts ; uni- 
forms and all. This automatically brought about 
a Girl Scout unit; and, through a collaboration of 
both, a form of club sprang up. It was a club in 
which any boy or girl of a family owning a car 
would call mornings for pupils having no cars, dur- 
ing school days, for a trip to school and back. This 
was not only a saving in long walks for many, but 

[ 39 ] 

G A D S B Y 

also took from a young back, that hard, tiring strain 
from lugging such armfuls of books as you find 
pupils laboriously carrying, today. Upon arriving 
at a school building, many cars would unload so 
many books that Gadsby said : — 

"You would think that a Public Library 
branch was moving in !" This car work soon 
brought up a thought of giving similar aid to ailing 
adults; who, not owning a car, could not know of 
that vast display of hill and plain so common to a 
majority of our townsfolks. So a plan was laid, by 
which a car would call two days a month; and for 
an hour or so, follow roads winding out of town 
and through woods, farm lands and suburbs ; show- 
ing distant ponds, and that grand arch of sky which 
"shut-ins" know only from photographs. Ah; 
how that plan did stir up joyous anticipation 
amongst such as thus had an opportunity to call 
upon old, loving pals, and talk of old customs and 
past days ! Occasionally such a talk would last so 
long that a youthful motorist, waiting dutifully at a 
curb, thought that a full family history of both host 
and visitor was up for an airing. But old folks 
always will talk and it will not do a boy or girl any 
harm to wait ; for, you know, that boy or girl will 
act in just that way, at a not too far-off day ! 

[ 40 ] 

G A D S B Y 

But, popular as this touring plan was, it had 
to stop ; for school again took all young folks from 
such out-door activity. Nobody was so sorry at this 
aS Gadsby, for though Branton Hills' suburban 
country is glorious from March to August, it is also 
strong in its attractions throughout Autumn, with 
its artistic colorings of fruits, pumpkins, corn- 
shocks, hay-stacks and Fall blossoms. So Gadsby 
got a big motor-coach company to run a bus a day, 
carrying, gratis, all poor or sickly folks who had a 
doctor's affidavit that such an outing would aid in 
curing ills arising from too constant in-door living ; 
and so, up almost to Thanksgiving, this big coach 
ran daily. 

As Spring got around again, this "man-of- 
all-work" thought of driving away a shut-in inval- 
id's monotony by having musicians go to such 
rooms, to play ; or, by taking along a vocalist or trio, 
sing such old songs as always bring back happy 
days. This work Gadsby thought of paying for 
by putting on a circus. And was it a circus? It 
was!! It had boys forming both front and hind 
limbs of animals totally unknown to zoology; girls 
strutting around as gigantic birds of also doubtful 
origin; an array of small living animals such as 
trick dogs and goats, a dancing pony, a group of im- 

[ 41 ] 

G A D S B Y 

itation Indians, cowboys, cowgirls, a kicking trick 
jack-ass; and, talk about clowns! Forty boys got 
into baggy pantaloons and fools' caps; and no cir- 
cus, including that first of all shows in Noah's Ark, 
had so much going on. Gymnasts from our school 
gymnasium, tumbling, jumping and racing; comic 
dancing; a clown band; high-swinging artists, and 
a funny cop who didn't wait to find out who a man 
was, but hit him anyway. And, as no circus is a 
circus without boys shouting wildly about pop-corn 
and cold drinks, Gadsby saw to it that such boys got 
in as many patrons' way as any ambitious youth 
could ; and that is "going strong," if you know boys, 
at all! 

But what about profits ? It not only paid for 
all acts which his Organization couldn't put on, but 
it was found that a big fund for man) a day's musi- 
cal visitations, was on hand. 

And, now a word or two about municipal af- 
fairs in this city ; or any city, in which nobody will 
think of doing anything about its poor and sick, 
without a vigorous prodding up. City Councils, 
now-a-days, willingly grant big appropriations for 
paving, lights, schools, jails, courts, and so on ; but 
invariably fight shy of charity; which is nothing 
but sympathy for anybody who is "down and out." 


G A D S B Y 

jsjo man can say that Charity will not, during com- 
ing days, aid him in supporting his family; and it 
wa s Gadsby's claim that humans: — not blocks 
of buildings, form what Mankind calls a city. 
But what would big, costly buildings amount 
to, if all who work in such cannot maintain 
that good physical condition paramount in carrying 
on a city's various forms of labor? And not only 
physical good, but also a mind happy from lack of 
worry and of that stagnation which always follows 
a monotonous daily grind. So our Organization 
was soon out again, agitating City Officials and 
civilians toward building a big Auditorium in which 
all kinds of shows and sports could occur, with also 
a swimming pool and hot and cold baths. Such 
a building cannot so much as start without financial 
backing; but gradually many an iron-bound bank ac- 
count was drawn upon (much as you pull a tooth !), 
to buy bonds. Also, such a building won't grow up in 
a night ; nor was a spot upon which to put it found 
without a lot of agitation; many wanting it in a 
down-town district; and also, many who had vacant 
land put forth all sorts of claims to obtain cash for 
lots upon which a big tax was paid annually, with- 
out profits. But all such things automatically turn 
out satisfactorily to a majority; though an ugly, 

[ 43 ] 

G A D S B Y 

grasping landlord who lost out, would viciously 
squawk that "municipal graft" was against him. 

Now Gadsby was vigorously against graft; 
not only in city affairs but in any kind of transac- 
tion; and that stab brought forth such a flow of 
oratory from him, that as voting for Mayor was 
soon to occur, it, and a long list of good works, soon 
had him up for that position. But Gadsby didn't 
want such a nomination; still, thousands of towns- 
folks who had known him from childhood, would 
not hark to anything but his candidacy; and, soon, 
on window cards, signs, and flags across Broadway, 
was his photograph and "Gadsby for May- 
or;" and a campaign was on which still rings in 
Branton Hills' history as "hot stuff !" Four aspir- 
ing politicians ran in opposition; and, as all had 
good backing, and Gadsby only his public works to 
fall back on, things soon got looking gloomy for 
him. His antagonists, standing upon soap box, auto 
truck, or hastily built platforms, put forth, with 
prodigious vim, claims that "our fair city will go 
back to its original oblivion if / am not its Mayor !" 
But our Organization now took a hand, most of 
which, now out of High School, was growing up 
rapidly; and anybody who knows anything at all 
about Branton Hills' history, knows that, if this 

[ 44 ] 

G A D S B Y 

band of bright, loyal pals of Gadsby's was out to 
attain a goal, it was mighty apt to start things hum- 
ming, To say that Gadsby's rivals got a bad jolt as 
it got around town that his "bunch of warriors" was 
aiding him, would put it but mildly. Two quit 
instantly, saying that this is a day of Youth 
and no adult has half a show against it! But two 
still hung on ; clinging to a sort of fond fantasy that 
Gadsby, not naturally a public sort of man, might 
voluntarily drop out. But, had Gadsby so much as 
thought of such an action, his Organization would 
quickly laugh it to scorn. 

"Why, good gracious !" said Frank Morgan, 
"if anybody should sit in that Mayor's chair in City 
Hall, it's you ! Just look at what you did to boost 
Branton Hills ! Until you got it a-going it had but 
two thouand inhabitants ; now it has sixty thousand ! 
And just ask your rivals to point to any part of it 
that you didn't build up. Look at our Public Li- 
brary, municipal band, occupational class rooms; 
auto and bus trips ; and your circus which paid for 
music for sick folks. With you as Mayor, boy! 
What an opportunity to boss and swing things your 
own way ! Why, anything you might say is as good 
as law; and " 

"Now, hold on, boy !" said Gadsby, "a Mayor 

[ 45 ] 

G A D S B Y 

can't boss things in any such a way as you think. A 
Mayor has a Council, which has to pass on all bills 
brought up; and, my boy, upon arriving at man- 
hood, you'll find that a Mayor who can boss a Coun- 
cil around, is a most uncommon bird. And as for a 
Mayor's word amounting to a law, it's a mighty 
good thing that it can't! Why, a Mayor can't do 
much of anything, today, Frank, without a bunch of 
crazy bat-brains stirring up a rumpus about his acts 
looking 'suspiciously shady.' Now that is a bad 
condition in which to find a city, Frank. You boys 
don't know anything about graft; but as you grow 
up you will find many flaws in a city's laws ; but also 
many points thoroughly good and fair. Just try to 
think what a city would amount to if a solitary man 
could control its law making, as a King or Sultan 
of old. That was why so many millions of inhabi- 
tants would start wars and riots against a tyrant; 
for many a King zvas a tyrant, Frank, and had no 
thought as to how his laws would suit his thousands 
of rich and poor. A law that might suit a rich man, 
might work all kinds of havoc with a poor family." 

"But," said Frank, "why should a King pass 
a law that would dissatisfy anybody?" 

Gadsby's parry to this rising youthful ambi- 
tion for light on politicial affairs was : — 

[ 46 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Why will a cluck go into a pond?" and 
Frank found that though a growing young man 
might know a thing or two, making laws for a city 
waS a man's job. 

So, with a Mayoralty campaign on his hands, 
plus planning for that big auditorium, Gadsby was 
as busy as a fly around a syrup jug ; for a mass of 
campaign mail had to go out; topics for orations 
thought up; and contacts with his now truly im- 
portant Organization of Youth, took so many hours 
out of his days that his family hardly saw him, at 
all. Noon naturally stood out as a good opportuni- 
ty for oratory, as thousands, out for lunch, would 
stop, in passing. But, also, many a hall rang with 
plaudits as an antagonist won a point; but many a 
throng saw Gadsby's good points, and plainly told 
him so by turning out voluminously at any point at 
which his oratory was to flow. It was truly miracu- 
lous how this man of shy disposition, found words 
in putting forth his plans for improving Branton 
Hills , town of his birth. Many an orator has grown 
up from an unassuming individual who had things 
worth saying ; and who, through that curious facili- 
ty which is born of a conviction that his plans had 
a practical basis, won many a ballot against such 
prolific flows of high-sounding words as his antag- 
onists had in stock. Many a night Gadsby was "all 

[ 47 ] 

G A D S B Y 

in," as his worn-out body and an aching throat 
sought his downy couch. No campaign is a cinch. 

With so many minds amongst a city's pop- 
ulation, just that many calls for this or that 
swung back and forth until that most important 
of all days, — voting day, was at hand. What 
crowds, mobs and jams did assail all polling 
booths, casting ballots to land a party-man in City 
Hall ! If a voting booth was in a school building, 
as is a common custom pupils had that day off ; and, 
as Gadsby was Youth's champion, groups of kids 
hung around, watching and hoping with that avidi- 
ty so common with youth, that Gadsby would win 
by a majority unknown in Branton Hills. And 
Gadsby did! 

As soon as it was shown by official count, 
Branton Hills was a riot, from City Hall to City 
limits; throngs tramping around, tossing hats aloft; 
for a hard-working man had won what many thou- 
sands thought was fair and just. 

[ 48 ] 


As soon as Gadsby's in- 
auguration had put him in a position to do things 
with authority, his first act was to start things mov- 
ing on that big auditorium plan, for which many 
capitalists had bought bonds. Again public opinion 
had a lot to say as to how such a building should 
look, what it should contain; how long, how high, 
how costly ; with a long string of if s and buts. 

Family upon family put forth claims for 
rooms for public forums in which various thoughts 
upon world affairs could find opportunity for dis- 
cussion; Salvation Army officials thought that a 
big hall for a public Sunday School class would do 
a lot of good; and that, lastly, what I must, from 
this odd yarn's strict orthography, call a "film show," 
should, without doubt occupy a part of such a build- 
ing. Anyway, talk or no talk, Gadsby said that it 
s^uld stand as a building for man, woman and 
child; rich or poor; and, barring its "film show," 
without cost to anybody. Branton Hills' folks could 
thus swim, do gymnastics, talk on public affairs, or 
"just sit and gossip", at will. So it was finally built 
in a charming park amidst shriV L: '• and blossoms-; 30* 
additional honor for GadsKy. 

r 49 ] 

G A D S B Y 

But such buildings as Branton Hills now had 
could not fulfill all functions of so rapidly growing 
a city; for you find, occasionally, a class of folks 
who cannot afford a doctor, if ill. This was brought 
up by a girl of our Organization, Doris Johnson, 
who, on Christmas Day, in taking gifts to a poor 
family, had found a woman critically ill, and with 
no funds for aid or comforts; and instantly, in 
Doris' quick young mind a vision of a big city hos- 
pital took form; and, on a following day Gadsby 
had his Organization at City Hall, to "just talk," 
(and you know how that bunch can talk !) to a Coun- 
cilman or two. 

Now, if any kind of a building in all this big 
world costs good, hard cash to build, and furnish, it 
is a hospital ; and it is also a building which a pub- 
lic knows nothing about. So Mayor Gadsby saw 
that if his Council would pass an appropriation for 
it, no such squabbling as had struck his Municipal 
Auditorium plan, would occur. But Gadsby forgot 
Branton Hills' landlords, all of whom had "a most 
glorious spot," just right for a hospital; until, fi- 
nally, a group of physicians was told to look around. 
And did Branton Hills' landlords call upon Branton 
Hills' physicians? I'll say so!! Anybody visiting 
10 ah, not knowing . vyhat was going on, would think 
that vacant land was a" common as raindrops in a 

[ 5o ] 

G A D S B Y 

cloudburst. Small plots sprang into public light 
which couldn't hold a poultry barn, to say nothing of 
a big City Hospital. But no grasping landlord can 
fool physicians in talking up a hospital location, so 
it was finally built, on high land, with a charming 
vista across Branton Hills' suburbs and distant 
hills ; amongst which Gadsby's charity auto and bus 
trips took so many happy invalids on past hot days. 

Now it is only fair that our boys and girls 
of this famous Organization of Youth, should walk 
forward for an introduction to you. So I will bring 
forth such bright and loyal girls as Doris Johnson, 
Dorothy Fitts, Lucy Donaldson, Marian Hopkins, 
Priscilla Standish, Abigail Worthington, Sarah 
Young, and Virginia Adams. Amongst the boys, 
cast a fond look upon Arthur Rankin, Frank Mor- 
gan, John Hamilton, Paul Johnson, Oscar Knott 
and William Snow; as smart a bunch of Youth as 
you could find in a month of Sundays. 

As soon as our big hospital was built and 
functioning, Sarah Young and Priscilla Standish, 
in talking with groups of girls, had found a longing 
for a night-school , as so many folks had to work all 
day, so couldn't go to our Manual Training School. 
So Mayor Gadsby took it up with Branton Hills' 
School Board. Now school boards do not always 
think in harmony with Mayors and Councils; in 

[ 51 ] 

G A D S B Y 

fact, what with school boards, Councils, taxation 
boards, paving contractors, Sunday closing- hou r 
agitations, railway rights of way, and all-round 
political "mud-slinging," a Mayor has a tough job 

Two of Gadsby's School Board said "NO!!" 
A right out-loud, slam-bang big "NO!!" Two 
thought that a night school was a good thing; but 
four, with a faint glow of financial wisdom, ( a 
rarity in politics, today!) saw no cash in sight for 
such an institution. 

But Gadsby's famous Organization won 
again! Branton Hills did not contain a family j n 
which this Organization wasn't known ; and many 
a sock was brought out from hiding, and many a 
sofa pillow cut into, to aid any plan in which this 
group had a part. 

But, just as funds had grown to what Mayor 
Gadsby thought would fill all such wants, a row in 
Council as to this fund's application got so hot that 
"His Honor" got mad; mighty mad!! And said:— 

"Why is it that any bill for appropriations I 
coming up in this Council has to kick up such a 
rumpus ? Why can't you look at such things with j 
a public mind ; for nothing can so aid toward pass- . 
ing bills as harmony. This city is not holding off an i 
attacking army. Branton Hills is not a pack of wild I 
animals, snapping and snarling by day ; jumping, at | 

[ 52 ] 

G A D S B Y 

a crackling twig, at night. It is a city of hu- 
ttia ns; animals, if you wish, but with a gift from 
On High of a brain, so far apart from all dumb 
animals as to allow us to talk about our public af- 
fairs calmly and thoughtfully. All this Night 
School rumpus is foolish. Naturally, what is taught 
in such a school is an important factor ; so I want to 
find out from our Organization " 

At this point, old Bill Simpkins got up, with : 

"This Organization of Youth stuff puts a 
kink in my spinal column ! Almost all of it is through 
school. So how can you bring such a group for- 
ward as 'pupils ?' " 

"A child," said Gadsby, "who had such 
schooling as Branton Hills affords is, naturally, 
still a pupil ; for many will follow up a study if an 
opportunity is at hand. Many adults also carry out 
a custom of brushing up on unfamiliar topics ; thus , 
also, ranking as pupils. Possibly, Bill, if you would 
look up that word 'pupil,' you wouldn't find so much 
fault with insignificant data." 

"All right!" was Simpkins' snap-back; "but 
what I want to know is, what our big Public Li- 
brary is for. Your 'pupils' can find all sorts of in- 
formation in that big building. So why build a 
night school ? It's nothing but a duplication !" 

"A library," said Gadsby, "is not a school. 
[ 53 ] 

D S B 

It has no instructors ; you cannot talk in its room* I 
You may find a book or two on your study, or you i 
may not. You would find it a big handicap if y 0u 
think that you can accomplish much with no aid but ' 
that of a Public Library. Young folks know what 
young folks want to study. It is foolish, say, to inj 
stall a class in Astronomy, for although it is a 'Night I 
School,' its pupils' thoughts might not turn toward 
Mars, Saturn or shooting stars; but shorthand, in. 
eluding training for typists amongst adults who 
naturally don't go to day schools, is most important 
today; also History and Corporation Law; and I 
know that a study of Music would attract many, 
Any man or woman who works all day, but still 
wants to study at night, should find an opportunity 
for doing so." 

This put a stop to Councilman Simpkins' 
criticisms, and approval was put upon Gadsby's 
plan ; and it was but shortly that this school's pop- 
ularity was shown in a most amusing way. Brant- 
on Hills folks, in passing it on going out for a show | 
or social call, caught most savory whiffs, as its cook- 
ing class was producing doughnuts and biscuits ; for 
a Miss Chapman, long famous as a cook for Bran-i 
ton Hills' Woman's Club, had about forty girls find- 
ing out about that magic art. So, too, occasionally a 
cranky old Councilman, who had fought against 


G A D S B Y 

"this foolish night school proposition," would pass 
by; and, oh, hum!! A Councilman is only an ani- 
mal, you know; and, on cooking class nights, such 
a n animal, unavoidably drawn by that wafting 
aroma, would go in, just a bit humiliatingly, and, in 
praising Miss Chapman for doing "such important 
work for our young girls," would avidly munch a 
piping hot biscuit or a sizzling doughnut from a 
young girl's hand, who, a month ago, couldn't fry a 
slab of bacon without burning it. 

t 55 ] 


Just as Gadsby was 
thinking nothing was now lacking in Branton Hills, 
a child in a poor family got typhoid symptoms from 
drinking from a small brook at a picnic and, with- 
out any aid from our famous Organization, a pub- 
lic clamor was forthcoming for Municipal District 
Nursing, as so many folks look with horror at going 
to a hospital. Now District Nursing calls for no 
big appropriation; just salary, a first-aid outfit, a 
supply of drugs and so forth; and, now-a-days, a 
car. And, to Branton Hills' honor four girls who 
had had nursing training soon brought, not only 
small comforts, but important ministrations to a 
goodly part of our population. In districts without 
this important municipal function, common colds 
may run into long-drawn-out attacks ; and contagion 
can not only shut up a school or two but badly handi- 
cap all forms of public activity. 

"Too many small towns," said Gadsby, "try 
to go without public nursing; calling it foolish, and 
claiming that a family ought to look out for its own 
sick. BUT! Should a high mortality, such as this 
Nation HAS known, occur again, such towns will 
frantically broadcast a call for girls with nursing 

[ 56 ] 

G A D S B Y 

training; and wish that a silly, cash-saving custom 
hadn't brought such critical conditions." 

At this point I want to bring forward an in- 
dividual who has had a big part in Branton Hills' 
growth ; but who, up to now, has not shown up in 
this history. You know that Gadsby had a family, 
naturally including a woman; and that woman was 
fondly and popularly known throughout town as 
Lady Gadsby; a rank fittingly matching Gadsby's 
"His Honor," upon his inauguration as Mayor. 
Lady Gadsby was strongly in favor of all kinds of 
clubs or associations; organizing a most worthy 
Charity Club, a Book Club and a Political Auxil- 
iary. It was but a natural growth from Woman's 
part in politics, both municipal and National; and 
which, in many a city, has had much to say toward 
nominations of good officials, and running many a 
crook out of town; for no crook, nor "gang boss" 
can hold out long if up against a strong Woman's 
Club. Though it was long thought that woman's 
brain was minor in comparison with man's, woman, 
as a class, now-a-day shows an all-round activity; 
and has brought staid control to official actions 
which had had a long run through domination by 
man; — that proud, cocky, strutting animal who 
thinks that this gigantic world should hop, skip and 
jump at his commands. So, from, or through just 

[ 57 ] 

G A D S B Y 

such clubs as Lady Gadsby's, Branton Hills was 
soon attracting folks from surrounding districts ; in 
fact, it was known as a sort of Fairyland in which 
all things turn out satisfactorily. This was, plainly, 
a condition which would call for much additional 
building; which also brings additional tax inflow; 
so Branton Hills was rapidly growing into a most 
important community. So, at a School Board 
lunch, His Honor said: — 

"I trust that now you will admit that what 
I said long ago about making a city an attraction to 
tourists, is bringing daily confirmation. Oh, what 
a lot of politically blind city and town officials I 
could point out within a day's auto trip from Bran- 
ton Hills ! Many such an official, upon winning a 
foothold in City Hall, thinks only of his own co- 
horts, and his own gain. So it is not surprising that 
public affairs grow stagnant. Truly, I cannot fath- 
om such minds! I can think of nothing so satis- 
fying as doing public good in as many ways as an 
official can. Think, for an instant, as to just what 
a city is. As I said long ago, it is not an array of 
buildings, parks and fountains. No. A city is a 
living thing! It is, actually, human; for it is a 
group of humanity growing up in daily contact ; and 
if officials adopt as a slogan, "all I can do," and not 
"all I can grab," only its suburban boundary can 

[ 58 ] 

G A D S B Y 

limit its growth. Branton Hills attracts thousands, 
annually. All of that influx looks for comforts, an 
opportunity to work, and good schools. Branton 
Hills has all that; and I want to say that all who 
visit us, with thoughts of joining us, will find us 
holding out a glad hand; promising that all such 
fond outlooks will find confirmation at any spot 
within cannon-shot of City Hall." 

At this point, a woman from just such a 
group got up, saying: — 

"I want to back up your mayor. On my first 
visit to your charming city I saw an opportunity 
for my family; and, with woman's famous ability 
for arguing, I got my husband to think as I do ; and 
not an hour from that day has brought us any dis- 
satisfaction. Your schools stand high in compari- 
son with any out our way; your shops carry first- 
class goods, your laws act without favoritism for 
anybody or class ; and an air of happy-go-lucky con- 
ditions actually shouts at you, from all parts of 

Now, as months slid past it got around to 
Night School graduation day ; and as it was this in- 
stitution's first, all Branton Hills was on hand, pack- 
ing its big hall. An important part was a musical 
half-hour by its big chorus, singing such grand com- 
positions as arias from Faust, Robin Hood, Aida, 

[ 59 ] 

G A D S B Y 

and Martha; also both boys' and girls' bands, both 
brass and strings, doing first-class work on a Sousa 
march, a Strauss waltz, and a potpourri of National 
airs from many lands, which brought a storm of 
hand clapping; for no form of study will so aid 
youth in living happily, as music. Ability to play 
or sing; to know what is good or poor in music, in- 
stills into young folks a high quality of thought; 
and, accuracy is found in its rigidity of rhythm. 

As soon as this music class was through, 
Gadsby brought forth soloists, duos and trios; vio- 
linists, pianists, and so many young musicians that 
Branton Hills was as proud of its night school as a 
girl is of "that first diamond." That brought our 
program around to introducing pupils who had won 
honor marks: four girls in knitting, oil painting, 
cooking and journalism; and four smart youths in 
brass work, wood-carving and Corporation law. 
But pupils do not form all of a school body; so a 
group of blushing instructors had to bow to an 
applauding roomful. 

Though this was a school graduation, Mayor 
Gadsby said it would do no harm to point out a plan 
for still adding to Branton Hills' public spirit : — 

"This town is too plain; too dingy. Brick 
walls and asphalt paving do not light up a town, but 
dim it. So I want to plant all kinds of growing 

[ 60 ] 

G A D S B Y 

things along many of our curbs. In our parks I 
want ponds with gold fish, fancy ducks and big 
swans; row-boats, islands with arbors, and lots of 
shrubs that blossom; not just an array of twigs and 
stalks. I want, in our big City Park, a casino, danc- 
ing pavilion, lunch rooms ; and parkings for as many 
cars as can crowd in. So I think that all of us 
ought to pitch in and put a bright array of natural 
aids round about; both in our shopping district and 
suburbs; for you know that old saying, that 'a 
charming thing is a joy always.' " 

So a miraculous transformation of any spot 
at all dull was soon a fact. Oak, birch and poplar 
saplings stood along curbs and around railway sta- 
tions ; girls brought in willow twigs, ivy roots, bulbs 
of canna, dahlia, calladium, tulip, jonquil, gladiola 
and hyacinth. Boys also dug many woodland shrubs 
which, standing along railway tracks, out of town, 
took away that gloomy vista so commonly found 
upon approaching a big city; and a long grassplot, 
with a rim of boxwood shrubs, was laid out, half 
way from curb to curb on Broadway, in Branton 
Hills' financial district. As Gadsby was looking at 
all this with happy satisfication, a bright lad from 
our Night School's radio class, told him that Bran- 
ton Hills should install a broadcasting station, as 
no city, today, would think of trying to win ad- 

[ 61 ] 

G A D S B Y 

ditional population without that most important 
adjunct for obtaining publicity. So any man or 
boy who had any knack at radio was all agog; and 
about a thousand had ambitions for a job in it, at 
which only about six can work. And City Hall had 
almost a riot, as groups of politicians, pastors and 
clubs told just what such a station should, and 
should not broadcast; for a broadcasting station, 
with its vast opportunity for causing both satisfac- 
tion and antagonism, must hold rigidly aloof from 
any racial favoritism, church, financial or nationali- 
ty criticisms; and such a policy is, as any broad- 
casting station will admit, most difficult of adoption. 
First of all stood that important position of what 
you might call "studio boss." Although a man in 
control of a station is not known as "boss," I think 
it will pass in this oddly built-up story. Now I am 
going to boost our famous Organization again, by 
stating that a boy from its ranks, Frank Morgan, 
was put in; for it was a hobby of Gadsby to put 
Branton Hills boys in Branton Hills Municipal jobs. 
So Frank, right away, got all sorts of calls for hours 
or half hours to broadcast "most astounding bar- 
gains" in clothing, salad oils, motor oils, motor 
"gas", soaps, cars, and tooth brush lubricants. 
With a big Fall campaign for Washington officials 
about to start, such a position as Frank's was chuck 

[ 62 ] 

G A D S B Y 

full of pitfalls ; a stiff proposition for a young chap, 
not long out of High School. But Gadsby took him 
in hand. 

"Now, boy, hold your chin up, and you will 
find that most folks, though cranky or stubborn at 
first, will follow your rulings if you insist, in a civil 
w ay, that you know all our National Radio Commis- 
sion's laws binding your station. Millions, of all 
kinds, will dial in your station; and what would 
highly satisfy a group in Colorado might actually 
insult a man down in Florida; for radio's wings 
carry far. You know I'll back you up, boy. But now, 
what would you call this station?" 

"Oh," said our tyro-boss; "a radio station 
should work with initials showing its location. So 
a Branton Hills station could stand as KBH." 

Such initials, ringing with civic patriotism, 
hit Gadsby just right ; his Council put it in writing ; 
and "Station KBH" was born! Though it is not 
important to follow it from now on, I will say that 
our vast country, by tuning in on KBH, found out 
a lot about this Utopia. 

"You know that good old yarn," said Gads- 
by, "about making so good a rat-trap that millions 
will tramp down your grass in making a path to 
your front door." 

[ 63 ] 


Now don't think that 
our famous Organization, having shown its worth 
on so many occasions, sat down without thinking 
of doing anything again. No, sir ! Not this bunch ! 
If a boy or girl thought of any addition to Branton 
Hills' popularity it was brought to Mayor Gadsby 
for consultation. And so, as Lucy Donaldson on 
a trip through a patch of woods, saw a big stag 
looking out from a clump of shrubs, nothing would 
do but to rush to His Honor to pour what thoughts 
that charming sight had brought up in this bright 
young mind. So, as Gadsby stood at City Hall's 
front door, this palpitating, gushing young girl ran 
towards him, panting and blowing from a long 
run: — 

"I want a zoo!!" 

"A WHAT?" 

"A ZOO!! You know! A park with stags 
and all kinds of wild animals ; and a duck pond, and 
— and — and 

"Whoa! Slow down a bit! Do you want 
an actual zoo, or an outfit of toys that wind up and 
growl ?" 

"I want a truly, out-and-out, big zoo. Why 
[ 64 ] 


't y u build walls around a part of City Park, 


Gadsby saw that this was an addition which 

nobody had thought of, until now ; so, grasping his 

voung visitor's hand, joyfully, said : — 

"It's a fact, Lucy ! ! And, as you thought of 
it I'll call it, — now wait; — what shall I call it? 
Aha! That's it! I'll call it 'Lucy Zoo'. How's 
that for quick thinking?" 

"My ! That's just grand ; but what will Papa 



Now Gadsby had known Lucy's family from 

boyhood, so said : — 

"You inform your dad that at any sign of 
balking by him, I'll put HIM in Lucy Zoo, and pay 
a boy to prod him with a sharp stick, until his ap- 
proval is in my hands." This brought such a rol- 
licking laugh that a man mowing City Hall lawn 
had to laugh, too. 

Now, (Ah! But I can't avoid saying it!) 
our Organization was out again; but, now having 
grown a bit from such childish youths as had, at 
first stood in its ranks, a boy, now approaching man- 
hood, and a girl, now a young woman, could solicit 
funds with an ability to talk knowingly in favor of 
any factor that a hanging-back contributor could 
bring up in running down such a proposition. You 

[ 65] 

G A D S B Y 

can always count on finding that class in any c it. 
or town upon any occasion for public works ; but I 
can proudly say that many saw good in our Organ - 
zation's plan ; and Lucy soon found that out, in §u 
Lady Flanagan. 

"Whoops! A zoo, is it? And pray, phw at » 
can't thot crazy Gadsby think up? If our big May 0r ' 
had four sich bys as I brought into this woilH- 
worra, worra ! his parlor, halls, dinin' room arf 
back yard 'd furnish him wid a zoo, all right ! \y; r 
two always a-scrappin' about a ball bat or a slW) 
shot; a brat continually a-bawlin' about nuthin'; an'f 
a baby wid whoopin' cough, / know phwat a zoo is 
widout goin' to City Park to gawk at a indigo ba-f 
boon, or a pink torn cat." 

"But," said Lucy, trying hard not to laugh; l 
"Mayor Gadsby isn't thinking of putting in pink' 
torn cats, nor any kind of torn cats in this zoo. It 
is for only wild animals." 

"WILD ! ! Say, if you could look into my 
back door as Old Man Flanagan quits work, an' 
brings back a load o' grog, you'd find thot you hadtj 
wild animals roight in this town, all roight, all 

But, as on so many occasions, this charming 
girl got a contribution, with Old Lady Flanagan 
calling out from a front window : — 

[ 66 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Good luck, Lucy darlin' ! I'm sorry I was 
s o dom cranky !" 

But though popular opinion was in favor of 
having a zoo, popular opinion didn't hand in dona- 
tions to within four thousand dollars of what it 
would cost to install ; and Gadsby and his "gang" 
had to do a bit of brain racking, so as not to disap- 
point lots of good folks who had paid in. Finally, 
Sarah Young thought of a rich woman living just 
across from City Park. This woman, Lady Stand- 
ish, was of that kind, loving disposition which would 
bring in a cold, hungry, lost pup, or cat, and fill it 
up with hot food and milk. Branton Hills kids 
could bring any kind of a hurt or sick animal or 
bird; and Sarah had long known that that back 
yard was, actually, a small zoo, anyway; with dogs, 
cats, poultry, two robins too young to fly, four 
sparrows and a canary, almost bald. Sarah thought 
that any woman, loving animals as Lady Standish 
did, might just thrill at having a big zoo-ful right 
at hand. So, saying, "I'll go and find out, right 
now," was off as an arrow from a bow. As soon 
as this kindly woman found out what was on 
Sarah's mind, our young solicitor got a loving kiss, 
with : — 

"A zoo! Oh! how truly charming! What 
grand things Mayor Gadsby can think up without 

[67 ] 

G A D S B Y 

half trying!" And Sarah had to grin, thinking 
of Lucy, and Old Lady Flanagan's opinion of His 
Honor ! "You may not know it, Sarah," said Lady 
Standish, "but John Gadsby and I had a big flirta- 
tion, way back in our school days. And HOW 
downcast poor Johnny was at my finding a hus- 
band out of town! But that was long, long ago, 
darling. So, just to sort of pacify my old pal, 
John, I'll gladly put up your missing four thous- 
and ; and you go to His Honor and say that I wish 
him all sorts of good luck with this plan." 

Now, Olympic champions must train con- 
tinuously, but, customarily, in gymnasiums. But 
today, folks in Branton Hills' shopping district had 
to turn and gasp; for a young woman was sprint- 
ing wildly toward City Hall; for Sarah was in a 
hurry. Gadsby was just coming out, as this girl, 
as badly blown as Lucy was in asking for a zoo, 
ran up, calling out: — 

"I GOT IT!! I GOT IT!!" 

"Got what? A fit?" 

"No! I got that final four thousand dol- 
lars ! It's from Lady Standish, who says that way 
back in school days, you and " 

"Whoa!! That was back in history!" but 
Gadsby was blushing, and Sarah was winking, 

[ 68 ] 

G A D S B Y 

Now Gadsby was as fond of his Organiza- 
tion boys and girls as of his own; and Sarah was 
s o radiantly happy that all His Honor could say 

was: — 

"My, now, Sarah! That's mighty good 
work! And as I told Lucy I'd call our zoo Lucy 
Zoo for thinking of it, I'll find a way to honor you, 
too. Aha! I'll put up a big arch, through which 
all visitors must pass, and call it 'Sarah Young's 
Rainbow Arch.' How's that?" 

Now Sarah had a bit of natural wit; so 
quickly said: — 

"That's just grand if you'll bury that fa- 
mous pot of gold at its foot, so I can dig it up !" 

[ 69 ] 


Now THAT a Zoo was 
actually on its way, Gadsby had to call in various 
groups to talk about what a Zoo should contain. 
Now, you know that all animals can't find room in 
this orthographically odd story ; so, if you visit Lucy 
Zoo, you'll miss a customary inhabitant, or two. 
But you'll find an array worthy of your trip. So 
a call was put in two big daily journals, asking for 
bids on animals and birds; and soon, from north, 
south and criss-cross points, a hunting party or a 
city with too many zoo animals on hand got in touch 
with Branton Hills, with proposals for all kinds of 
animals, from kangaroos to bats; and our Organi- 
zation had a lot of fun planning how many it could 
crowd into City Park, without crowding out visi- 
tors. Finally a ballot put Lucy's zoological popula- 
tion as follows : — 

First, according to Lucy, "an awfully, AW- 
FULLY big hippopotamus, with a pool for its com- 
fort;" a yak, caribou, walrus, (also with a pool,) 
a long fox-run, bisons, gnus, stags, (it was a stag, 
you know, that got this zoo plan going!), alligators, 
mountain lions, African lions, wild cats, wild boars, 
llamas, gorillas, baboons, orang-outangs, mandrils; 

[ 70 ] 

G A D S B Y 

and, according to Gadsby's boys, a "big gang" of 
that amusing, tiny mimic always found accompany- 
in? hand-organs. Also an aviary, containing con- 
dors, buzzards, parrots, ibis, macaws, adjutant 
birds, storks, owls, quail, falcons, tiny humming 
birds, a sprinkling of hawks, mocking birds, swans, 
fancy ducks, toucans; and a host of small singing 
birds; and oh! without fail, an ostrich family; 
and, last, but most important of all, a big first cous- 
in of old Jumbo ! A big glass building would hold 
boa constrictors, pythons, cobras, lizards, and so 
forth; and down in back of all this, an outdoor 
aquarium, full of goldfish, rainbow trout, various 
fancy fish and blossoming aquatic plants. All in 
all it would furnish a mighty amusing and popular 
spot which would draw lots of out-of-town visitors ; 
and visitors, you know, might turn into inhabitants ! 
And so things finally got around to Inauguration 
Day; and, knowing that no kid could sit still in 
school on such an occasion, it was put down for a 
Saturday; and, so many happy, shouting, hopping, 
jumping kids stood waiting for His Honor to cut a 
satin ribbon in front of Sarah Young's Rainbow 
Arch, that grown folks had to wait, four blocks 
back. As Gadsby was roaming around with Lucy, 
to find if things should start moving, old Pat Ryan, 
from Branton Hills' railway station, was hunting 

[ 71 ] 

G A D S B Y 

for him; finally locating him in a lunch room, and 
rushing in with : — 

"Say ! That big hop-skip-and-jump artist i s 
down in my trunk room ! I got a punch on my j aw 
a crack on my snout, and a kick on my shins a-tryin' 
to calm him down!" 

"A kick and a punch ? What actions !" said 
Gadsby. "I don't know of any hop-skip-and-jurtin 
artist. How big a man is it ?" 

"Worra, worra! It ain't no man at all, a j 
all ! It's that thing what grows in Australia, and-—" 

But Lucy saw light right off ; and "laughing 
fit to kill," said : — 

"Oh, ho, ho!! I know! It's that boxing 
kangaroo you bought from Barnum's circus !" and a 
charming girl was doubling up in a wild storm of 
giggling, ignoring old Pat's scowls. 

"Ah! That's him, all right," said Gadsby, 
"So, Pat, just put him in a burlap bag and ship him 
to this zoo." 

"Who? / put him in a burlap bag? Say, 
boss ! If I can pick up about six husky guys around 
that station; and if I can find a canvas, not a 
burlap, bag ; and put on a gas mask, a stomach pad, 
two shin-guards, and " 

But that crowd at Sarah's Arch was shout- 
ing for Gadsby to cut that ribbon so old Pat had to 

[ 72 ] 

G A D S B Y 

bag that Australian tornado; and in a way that 
would not hurt him ; for kangaroo actors cost good 
cash, you know. 

So that crowd of kids got in, at last ! Now 
zoo animals can think, just as humans can; and it 
was amusing to watch a pair of boys staring at a 
pair of orang-outangs; and a pair of orang-ou- 
tangs staring back at a pair of boys ; both thinking, 
no doubt, what funny things it saw ! And, occasion- 
ally, both animal and boy won a point ! Now if you 
think that only young folks find any fun in going to 
a zoo, you probably don't go to zoos much ; for many 
a big, rotund capitalist had to laugh at simian an- 
tics, though, probably figuring up just how much 
satisfaction his cash contribution brought him. 
Many a family woman forgot such things as a fin- 
icky child or burning biscuits. All was happy-go- 
lucky joy; and, at two o'clock, as Branton Hills' 
Municipal Band, (a part of Gadsby's Organization 
of Youth's work, you know) struck up a bright 
march, not a glum physiognomy was found in all 
that big park. 

Gadsby and Lucy had much curiosity in 
watching what such crashing music would do to 
various animals. At first a spirit akin to worry had 
baboons, gorillas, and such, staring about, as still 
as so many posts; until, finding that no harm was 

[ 73 ] 

G A D S B Y 

coming from such sounds, soon took to climbing and 
swinging again. Stags, yaks and llamas did a bit 
of high-kicking at first; Gadsby figuring that 
drums, and not actual music, did it. But a lilting 
waltzing aria did not worry any part of this big 
zoo family; in fact, a fox, wolf and jackal, in a 
quandary at first actually lay down, as though 
music truly "hath charms to calm a wild bosom." 

At Gadsby's big aquarium visitors found 
not only fun, but opportunity for studying many 
a kind of fish not ordinarily found in frying pans; 
and, though in many lands, snails form a popular 
food, Lucy, Sarah and Virginia put on furious 
scowls at a group of boys who thought "Snails 
might go good, with a nut-pick handy." ^But boys 
always will say things to horrify girls, you know.) 
And upon coming to that big glass building, with 
its boa constrictors, alligators, lizards and so on, 
a boy grinningly "got a girl's goat" by wanting to 
kiss a fifty- foot anaconda; causing Lucy to say, 
haughtily, that "No boy, wanting to kiss such hor- 
rid, wriggly things can kiss us Branton Hills girls." 
(Good for you, Lucy! I'd pass up a sixty-foot 
anaconda, any day, for you.) 

In following months many a school class 
was shown through our zoo's fascinating paths, as 
instructors told of this or that animal's habits and 

[ 74 ] 

G A D S B Y 

natural haunts ; and showing that it was as worthy 
of sympathy, if ill, as any human. And not only 
did such pupils obtain kindly thoughts for zoo ani- 
mals, but cats, dogs and all kinds of farm stock 
soon found that things had an uncommon look, 
through a dropping off in scoldings and whippings , 
and rapidly improving living conditions. But most 
important of all was word from an ugly, hard-look- 
ing woman, who, watching, with an apologizing 
sniff, a flock of happy birds, said : — 

"I'm sorry that I always slap and bawl out 
my kids so much, for I know, now, that kids or ani- 
mals won't do as you wish if you snap and growl 
too much. And I trust that Mayor Gadsby knows 
what a lot of good all his public works do for us." 

Now this is a most satisfactory and import- 
ant thing to think about, for brutality will not, — 
cannot, — accomplish what a kindly disposition will ; 
and, if folks could only know how quickly a "balky" 
child will, through loving and cuddling, grow into 
a charming, happy youth, much childish gloom and 
sorrow would vanish; for a man or woman who is 
ugly to a child is too low to rank as highly as a wild 
animal; for no animal will stand, for an instant, 
anything approaching an attack, or any form of 
harm to its young. But what a lot of tots find slaps, 
yanks and hard words for conditions which do not 

[ 75 ] 

G A D S B Y 

call for such harsh tactics! No child is naturally 
ugly or "cranky." And big, gulping sobs, or sad, 
unhappy young minds, in a tiny body should not 
occur in any community of civilization. Adult- 
hood holds many an opportunity for such conditions. 
Childhood should not. 

Now just a word about zoos. Many folks 
think that animals in a zoo know no comforts ; noth- 
ing but constant fright from living in captivity. 
Such folks do not stop to think of a thing or two 
about an animal's wild condition. Wild animals 
must not only constantly hunt for food, but invar- 
iably fight to kill it and to hold it, too ; for, in such 
a fight, a big antagonist will naturally win from 
a small individual. Thus, what food is found, 
is also lost; and hunting must go on, day by 
day, or night by night until a tragic climax — by 
thirst or starvation. But in a zoo, food 
is brought daily, with facility for drinking, and laid 
right in front of hoofs, paws or bills. For small 
animals, roofs and thick walls ward off cold winds 
and rain ; and so, days of calm inactivity, daily naps 
without worrying about attack ; and a carting away 
of all rubbish and filth soon puts a zoo animal in 
bodily form which has no comparison with its wild 
condition. Lack of room in which to climb, roam 
or play, may bring a zoo animal to that condition 

[ 76 ] 

G A D S B Y 

known as "soft" ; but, as it now has no call for vigor, 
and its fighting passions find no opportunity for dis- 
play, such an animal is gradually approaching that 
condition which has brought Man, who is only an 
animal, anyway, to his lofty point in Natural His- 
tory, today. Truly, with such tribulations, worry, 
and hard work as Man puts up with to obtain his 
food and lodging, a zoo animal, if it could only know 
of our daily grind, would comfortably yawn, thank- 
ful that Man is so kindly looking out for it. With 
similar animals all around it, and, day by day, just 
a happy growth from cub-hood to maturity, I al- 
most wish that I was a zoo animal, with no boss to 
growl about my not showing up, mornings, at a 
customary hour! 

[ 77] 


Now, as our Organiza- 
tion of Youth is rapidly growing up, a young 
crowd, too young to join it at first, is coming up; 
imbibing its "why-not-do-it-now ?" spirit. So, as 
Gadsby stood in front of that big Municipal Audi- 
torium (which that group, you know, had had built), 
Marian Hopkins, a small girl, in passing by, saw 
him, and said : — 

"I think Branton Hills ought to buy a bal- 

"Balloon? Balloon? What would this city 
do with a balloon? Put a string on it so you could 
run around with it?" 

"No ; not that kind of a balloon, but that big, 
zooming kind that sails way up high, with a man in 

"Oh ! Ha, ha ! You think an air-craft is a 
balloon! But what would — Aha! An airport?" 

"Uh-huh; but I didn't know how to say it." 

"By cracky!" said His Honor. "I thought 
this town was about through improving. But an 
airport would add a bit to it ; now wouldn't it ?" 

Marian had a most profound opinion that it 
would; (if profound opinions grow in such small 

[ 78 ] 

G A D S B Y 

kids!) so both took a walk to City Hall to hunt up 
a Councilman or two. Finding four in a Council 
room, Gadsby said : — 

"Youth, or, I should say, childhood, has just 
shown that Branton Hills is shy on a most im- 
portant acquisition," and Old Bill Simpkins just had 
to blurt out : — 

"And, naturally, it calls for cash ! CASH ! 
CASH ! CASH ! ! What will this town amount to if 
it blows in dollars so fast ?" 

"And," said Gadsby, "what will it amount to, 
if it don't?" 

That put a gag on Old Bill. Councilman 
Banks, though, was curious to know about Marian's 
proposition, saying: — 

"It is probably a plan for buying Christmas 
toys for all Branton Hills kids." 

But tiny Marian, with a vigorous stamp of 
a tiny foot, swung right back with: — 

"NO, SIR!! Santa Claus will bring us our 
gifts! But I thought of having a — what did you 
call it, Mayor Gadsby?" 

"This child thinks Branton Hills should build 
an airport, and I think so, too. If our inhabitants, 
such as this tot, can think up such things, all adults 
should pack up, and vanish from municipal affairs. 
All right, Marian; our City Council, your City 

[ 79 ] 

G A D S B Y 

Council, my young patriot, will look into this air- 
port plan for you." 

So, as on similar occasions months ago, 
word that land was again cropping up in Gadsby's 
mind, brought out a flood of landlords with vacant 
lots, all looking forward to disposing of a dump 
worth two dollars and a half, for fifty thousand. 
Now an airport must occupy a vast lot of land, so 
cannot stand right in a City's shopping district; 
but finally a big tract was bought, and right in 
back of tiny Marian's back yard! Instantly, City 
Hall was full of applicants for flying Branton Hills' 
first aircraft. To Gadsby's joy, amongst that bunch 
was Harold Thompson, an old Organization lad, 
who was known around town as a chap who could 
do about anything calling for brains. As an air- 
port is not laid out in a day, Harold got busy with 
paid aviators and soon was piloting a craft with- 
out aid; and not only Branton Hills folks, but old 
aviators, saw in Harold, a "bird-man" of no small 
ability. And so tiny Marian's "vision" was a fact; 
just as "big girl" Lucy's Zoo; and, as with all big 
City affairs, an Inauguration should start it off. 
Now, on all such affairs you always find a "visitor 
of honor"; and on this grand day Gadsby couldn't 
think of anybody for that important post but Mar- 

[ 80 ] 

G A D S B Y 

ian. And, as it would occur in August, any day 
would do, as that is a school vacation month. 

And what a mob stood, or sat, on that big 
airport, waiting for a signal from young Marian 
which would start Harold aloft, on Branton Hills' 
initial flight ! Almost all brought a lunch and camp- 
stools or folding chairs; and, as it was a hot day, 
thousands of gay parasols, and an array of bright 
clothing on our school-girls, had that big lot look- 
ing as brilliant as a florist's window at Christmas. 

Our young visitor of honor was all agog 
with joy; and, I think, possibly a touch of vanity; 
for what child wouldn't thrill with thousands watch- 
ing? But though Marian had always had good 
clothing, coming from a family who could afford it, 
no tot, in all history, had so glorious an outfit as 
that which about all Branton Hills' population saw 
on that platform, amidst flags, bunting and our 
big Municipal Band. As an airship is a simulation 
of a bird ; and as a bird, to a child, is not far from a 
fairy, Marian had gaudy fairy wings, a radiant 
cloak of gold, a sparkling gown all aglow with 
twinkling stars, and a long glass wand, with a star 
at its top. As soon as all was in condition Gadsby 
told Marian to stand up. This brought that vast 
crowd up, also; and Gadsby said: — 

[ 81 1 


"Now hold your wand way up high, and 
swing it, to signal Harold to start." 

Up shot a tiny arm; and Harold, watching 
from his cockpit, sang out: — "CONTACT!!" 

A vigorous twist of his ship's gigantic "fan" 
a shout, a roar, a whizz, a mighty cloud of dust, and 
amid a tornado of clapping, shouts, and band music, 
Branton Hills was put on aviation's map. Way, 
way up, so far as to look as small as a toy, Harold 
put on a show of banking, rolling and diving, which 
told Gadsby that, still again, had Branton Hills 
found profit in what its Organization of Youth, 
and, now, its small kids, had to say about improving 
a town. 

During that box-lunch picnic, many of our 
"big girls" brought so much food to Marian that 
Dad and Ma had to stand guard against tummy 
pains. And what a glorious, jolly occasion that pic- 
nic was! Gay band music, songs, dancing, oratory; 
and a grand all-round "howdy" amongst old inhabi- 
tants and arriving tourists soon was transforming 
that big crowd into a happy group, such as it is hard 
to find, today, in any big city; cold, distant, and 
with no thought by its politicians for anybody in it ; 
and Gadsby found, around that big airport, many a 
man, woman and child who was as proud of him as 
was his own family. 

[ 82 ] 



should know this charming Gadsby family ; so I will 
bring forth Lady Gadsby, about whom I told you 
at Gadsby's inauguration as Mayor ; a loyal church 
woman with a vocal ability for choir work; and, 
with good capability on piano or organ, no woman 
could "fill in" in so many ways ; and no woman was 
so willing, and quick to do so. Gadsby had two 
sons; bright lads and popular with all. Julius was 
of a studious turn of mind, always poring through 
books of information; caring not what kind of in- 
formation it was, so long as it was information, and 
not fiction. Gadsby had thought of his growing 
up as a school instructor, for no work is so worthy 
as imparting what you know to any who long to 
study. But William ! Oh, hum ! ! Our Mayor and 
Lady Gadsby didn't know just what to do with him ; 
for all his thoughts clung around girls and fash- 
ions in clothing. Probably our High School didn't 
contain a girl who didn't think that, at no distant 
day, Bill Gadsby would turn, from a callow youth, 
into a "big catch" husband; for a Mayor's son in 
so important a city as ours was a mark for any girl 
to shoot at. But Bill was not of a marrying dis- 

[ 83 ] 

G A D S B Y 

position ; loving girls just as girls, but holding out 
no hand to any in particular. Always in first class 
togs, without missing a solitary fad which a young- 
man should adopt, Gadsby's Bill was a lion, in his 
own right, with no girl in sight who had that tact 
through which a lasso could land around his manly 
throat. Gadsby had many a laugh, looking back at 
his own boyhood days, his various flirtations 
and such wild, throbbing palpitations as a boy's 
flirtations can instill; and looking back through 
just such ogling groups as now sought his off- 
spring; until a girl, oh, so long ago, had put a stop 
to all such flirtations, and got that lasso on "with 
a strangling hold," as Gadsby says; and it is still 
on, today ! But this family was not all boys. Oh, 
my, no! Two girls also sat around that family 
board. First, following William, was Nancy, who, 
as Gadsby laughingly said, "didn't know how to 
grow;" and now, in High School, was "about as 
big as a pint of milk;" and of such outstanding 
charm that Gadsby continually got solicitations to 
allow photographing for soft-drink and similar bill- 
board displays. 

"No, sir!! Not for any sort of pay!! In 
allowing public distribution of a girl's photo you 
don't know into what situations said photos will 
land. I find, daily, photographs of girls blowing 

[ 84] 

G A D S B Y 

about vacant lots, all soggy from rains; also in a 
ditch, with its customary filth; or stuck up on a 
brick wall or drawn onto an imaginary body show- 
ing a brand of tights or pajamas. No> sir!! Not 
for my girl ! !" 

Fourth in this popular family was Kathlyn, 
of what is known as a "classical mold ;" with a brain 
which, at no distant day, will rank high in Biology 
and Microscopy ; for Kathlyn was of that sort which 
finds fascination in studying out many whats and 
whys amongst that vast array of facts about our 
origin. This study, which too many young folks 
avoid as not having practical worth had a strong 
hold on Kathlyn, who could not sanction such frivo- 
lous occupations as cards, dancing, or plain school 
gossip. Not for an instant! Kathlyn thought that 
such folks had no thoughts for anything but transi- 
tory thrills. But in Biology!! Ah!! Why not 
study it, and find out how a tiny, microscopic drop of 
protoplasm, can, through unknown laws grow into 
living organisms, which can not only go on living, 
but can also bring forth offspring of its kind ? And 
not only that. As said offspring must combat var- 
ious kinds of surroundings and try various foods, 
why not watch odd variations occur, and follow 
along, until you find an animal, bird, plant or bug of 
such a total dissimilarity as to form practically, a 

[ 85 ] 

G A D S B Y 

class actually apart from its original form? Kath- 
lyn did just that ; and Gadsby was proud of it ; and 
I think, just a bit curious on his own part as to 
occasional illustrations in this studious young lady's 
school books ! 

Now it is known by all such natural "fad- 
dists" that any such a study has points in common 
with a branch akin to it ; and Kathlyn was not long 
in finding out that Biology, with its facts of animal 
origin, could apply to a practical control of bugs 
on farms. (This word, "bugs," is hardly Biologi- 
cal; but as Kathlyn is in this story, with its strict 
orthographical taboo, "bugs" must unavoidably sup- 
plant any classical nomination for such things.) 

So, Mayor Gadsby sought Branton Hills' 
Council's approval for a goodly sum; not only for 
such control, but also for study as to how to plant, 
in ordinary soil, and not risk losing half a crop from 
worms, slugs and our awkwardly-brought-in "bugs." 
This appropriation was a sort of prod, showing 
this Council that publicity of any first-class kind 
was good for a city ; and was casting about for any- 
thing which would so act, until Gadsby's son, Bill, 
(who, you know, thought of nothing but girls and 
"dolling up,") found that Branton Hills had no 
distinction of its own in outfits for man or woman, 
so why not put up a goal of, say fifty dollars, for 

[ 86 ] 

G A D S B Y 

anybody who could think up any worthy "stunt" in 
clothing; which should go out as "Branton Hills' 
This" or "Branton Hills' That." Possibly just a 
form of hat-brim, a cut of coat-front, or a sporting 
outfit. And our worthy Council did put up that 
goal, and many brought all sorts of plans to City 
Hall. And Bill won, by thinking up a girls' (al- 
ways girls, with Bill!) hiking outfit, consisting of a 
skirt with a rain-proof lining, which could, during 
a storm, form a rain-suit by putting it on, as Bill 
said, "by substituting outwards for inwards." (This 
will hit Bill amusingly, as days go by!) Going 
with it was a shirt with a similar "turn-out" facili- 
ty, and a hiking boot with high tops as guards 
against thorns and burs; but which, by undoing a 
clasp, would slip off ; and, LO ! ! you had a low-cut 
Oxford for ordinary occasions ! In about a month 
a big cotton mill had work going full blast on 
"Branton Hills' Turn-it-out Sport and Hiking Out- 
fit," and a small boot-shop got out a pair of Bill's 
"two-part boots," though saying that it would "prob- 
ably fall apart without warning!" But Kathlyn 
put on a pair and found it most satisfactory for a 
long, rough hill-climb, hunting for bird and ani- 
mal forms for Biological study. This proof of 
Branton Hills' goods was soon known in surround- 
ing towns, and that critical boot-shop and big cot- 

[87 ] 

D S B 

ton mill had hard work to fill calls from Canada 
Holland, Russia, Spain and Australia! And Bill 
was put upon Branton Hills' Roll of Honor. 

[ 88 ] 


Now I'll drop civic af- 
fairs for a bit, and go on to a most natural act 
in this city of many young chaps and charming 
young girls which was slowly working up all 
through this history, as Mayor Gadsby had occasion 
to find out, sitting comfortably on his porch on a 
hot, sultry August night. Amidst blossoming 
shrubs, a dim form slowly trod up his winding path- 
way. It was a young man, plainly trying to act 
calmly, but couldn't. It was Frank Morgan, our 
radio broadcasting "boss", you know, who, for 
many a month, had shown what a romantic public 
calls "a crush" for Gadsby's young Nancy. 

So a jolly call of : — "What's on your mind, 
boy ?" rang out, as Frank sank wiltingly into a ham- 
mock, wiping his brow of what I actually know 
was not natural humidity from an August night! 
Now Gadsby, who was, as I said, a gay Lothario in 
his own youth, saw right off what was coming, and 
sat back, waiting. Finally, finishing a bad attack 
of coughing, (though Frank hadn't any cold!), that 
young man said : — 

"I, — that is, Nancy and I, — or, I will say 
that I want to, — that is, — I think Nancy and I 

[ 89 ] 

G A D S B Y 

would — " and Gadsby took pity on him, right off. 

Nancy had always had a strong liking f 0r 
Frank. Both had grown up in Branton Hills from 
babyhood ; and Gadsby thought back about that las- 
soo which had brought him Lady Gadsby. Now 
asking a girl's Dad for that young lady's hand is no 
snap for any young swain; and Gadsby was just 
that kind of a Dad who would smooth out any 
bumps or rough spots in such a young swain's path. 
Nancy wasn't a child, now, but a grown-up young 
woman; so Gadsby said: — 

"Frank, Lady Gadsby and I know all about 
how much you think of Nancy; and what Nancy 
thinks of you. So, if you want to marry, our full 
wish is for a long and happy union. Nancy is out 
in that arbor, down this back path; and I'll watch 
that nobody disturbs you two for an hour." 

At this grand turn of affairs, Frank could 
only gasp : — "OH-H-H ! !' and a shadowy form 
shot down that dusky path; and from that moonlit 
arbor, anybody knowing how a man chirps to a 
canary bird, would know that two young birds put 
a binding approval upon what His Honor had just 
said ! ! 

Many a man has known that startling instant 
in which Dan Cupid, that busy young rascal, took 
things in hand, and told him that his baby girl was 

[ 90 ] 

G A D S B Y 

n0 t a baby girl now, and was about to fly away from 
him. It is both a happy and a sad thrill that shoots 
through a man at such an instant. Happy and joy- 
ous at his girl's arrival at maturity; sad, as it brings 
to mind that awkward fact that his own youth is 
now but a myth; and that his scalp is showing va- 
cant spots. His baby girl in a bridal gown! His 
baby girl a Matron ! His baby girl proudly placing 
a grandchild in his lap!! It's an impossibility!! 
But this big world is full of this kind of impossibil- 
ity, and will stay so as long as Man lasts. 

So Nancy, tiny, happy, laughing Nancy, was 
"found" through a conspiracy by Dan Cupid and 
Frank Morgan; and right in all glory of youth. 
Youth!! Ah, what a word!! And how transi- 
tory! But, how grand! as long as it lasts. How 
many millions in gold would pour out for an ability 
to call it all back, as with our musical myth, Faust. 
During that magic part of a child's growth this 
world is just a gigantic inquiry box, containing 
many a topic for which a solution is paramount to 
a growing mind. And to whom can a child look, 
but us adults? Any man who "can't stop now" to 
talk with a child upon a topic which, to him is "too 
silly for anything," should look back to that day 
upon which that topic was dark and dubious in his 

[ 91 ] 

D S B 

own brain. A child who asks nothing will know 
nothing. That is why that "bump of inquiry" w as 
put on top of our skulls. 

[ 92 ] 


But to go back to 
Nancy. It was in August that Frank had stumbling- 
ly told Gadsby of his troth; and so, along in 
April, Branton Hills was told that a grand church 
ritual would occur in May. May, with its blossoms, 
birds and balmy air! An idyllic month for matri- 
mony. I wish that I could call this grand church af- 
fair by its common, customary nomination ; but that 
word can't possibly crowd into this story. It must 
pass simply as a church ritual. 

All right; so far, so good. So, along into 
April all Branton Hills was agog, awaiting informa- 
tion as to that actual day ; or, I should say, night. 

Gadsby's old Organization of Youth was 
still as loyal to all in it as it was, way back in days 
of its formation ; days of almost constantly running 
around town, soliciting funds for many a good 
Municipal activity. Finally this group got cards 
announcing that on May Fourth, Branton Hills' 
First Church would admit all who might wish to 
aid in starting Nancy and Frank upon that glamor- 
ous path to matrimonial bliss. 

May Fourth was punctual in arriving; 
though many a young girl got into that flighty con- 

[93 ] 

G A D S B Y 

dition in which a month drags along as though i n 
irons, and clock-hands look as if stuck fast. But 
to many girls, also, May Fourth was not any too 
far away; for charming gowns and dainty hats do 
not grow upon shrubs, you know; and girls who 
work all day must hurry at night, at manipulating 
a thousand or so things which go towards adorn- 
ing our girls of today. 

Now, an approach to a young girl's "big day" 
is not always as that girl might wish. Small things 
bob up, which, at first, look actually disastrous for 
a joyous occasion; and for Nancy and Frank, just 
such a thing did bob up ; for, on May Third, a pour- 
ing rain and whistling wind put Branton Hills' 
spirits way, way down into a sorrowful slump. 
Black, ugly, rumbling clouds hung aggravatingly 
about in a saturation of mist, rain and fog; and 
roads and lawns got such a washing that Nancy 
said : — 

"Anyway, if I can't walk across that front 
church yard, I can swim it!!" 

That was Nancy; a small bunch of inborn 
good humor; and I'll say, right now, that it took 
good humor, and lots of it, to look upon conditions 
out of your control, with such outstanding pluck! 

But young Dan Cupid was still around , and 
got in touch with that tyrannical mythological god 


G A D S B Y 

w ho controls storms ; and put forth such a convinc- 
ing account of all Nancy's good points, (and 
Frank's too, if anybody should ask you) that a 
command rang out across a stormy sky : — 

"Calling all clouds ! ! Calling all clouds ! ! 
All rain to stop at midnight of May Third ! Bright 
Sun on May Fourth, and no wind ! !" 

So, as Nancy took an anxious squint out of 
doors at about six o'clock on that important morn- 
ing, (and what young girl could go on, calmly 
snoozing on such a day?) Lo ! ! Old Sol was smil- 
ing brightly down on Branton Hills; birds sang; all 
sorts of blossoming things had had a good drink; 
and a most glorious sky, rid of all ugly clouds, put 
our young lady into such a happy mood that it took 
a lot of control to avoid just a tiny bit of humidity 
around a small pair of rich, brown orbs which al- 
ways had that vibrating, dancing light of happy 
youth; that miraculous "joy of living." 

And, what a circus was soon going full 
tilt in Mayor Gadsby's mansion ! If that happy man 

so much as said : — "Now, I " a grand, womanly 

chorus told him that "a man don't know anything 
about such affairs;" and that a most satisfactory 
spot for him was in a hammock on his porch, with 
a good cigar ! That's it ! A man is nominally mon- 
arch in his own family; but only so on that out- 


G A D S B Y 

standing day upon which a bridal gown is laid out 
in all its glory on his parlor sofa, and a small mob 
of girls, and occasionally a woman or two, is rush- 
ing in and out, up and down stairs, and finding as 
much to do as a commonly known microscopic "bug" 
of prodigious hopping ability finds at a dog show. 
Rush! rush! rush! A thousand thoughts and a mil- 
lion words, (this crowd was all girls, you know!) 
making that parlor as noisy as a saw mill! But 
Gadsby laughingly staid out of it all, watching big 
armfuls of bloom and many a curious looking box 
go in through that front door ; flying hands rapidly 
untying glorious ribbon wrappings. 

Now, upon all such occasions you will find, 
if you snoop around in dining room or pantry, an 
astonishing loaf of culinary art, all fancy frost- 
ing, and chuck full of raisins and citron, which is 
always cut upon such an auspicious occasion; and 
it is as hard to avoid naming it, in this story, as it is 
to withstand its assault upon your stomach. 

Oh hum! Now what? Aha! May Fourth, 
lasting, as Nancy said, "for about a million 
months," finally got Gadsby's dining room clock 
around to six-fifty; only about an hour, now, to 
that grand march past practically half of Bran- 
ton Hills' population; for all who couldn't jam into 
that commodious church would stand around in a 

[ 96 ] 

G A D S B Y 

solid phalanx, blocking all traffic in that part of 
town ; for all Branton Hills was fond of its Mayor's 
"baby girl." 

But, during this rush and hubbub, how about 
Frank? Poor boy ! Now, if you think that a young 
lad at such an instant is as calm as a mill-pond, 
you don't know romantic Youth, that's all. About 
forty of Gadsby's old Organization boys, now man- 
ly young chaps, had bought him a car, which Nancy 
was not to know anything about until that 
throwing of old boots, and what is also customary, 
had quit. Frank didn't want to hold it back from 
Nancy, but what can a chap do, against forty? 
Also, last night, at a big "so sorry, old chap" party, 
Frank had found how loyal a bunch of old pals can 
turn out; and this "grand launching into matri- 
monial doubt" had put him in a happy mood for 
that all important oration of two words: — "I do." 

So now I'll hurry around to church to find 
out how Nancy's Organization girls put in a long 
day of hard labor; not only at floor work, but up 
on stools and chairs. My! My! Just look and 
gasp!! A long chain of lilacs runs from door to 
altar in two rows. And look at that big arch of 
wistaria and narcissus half way along! Artificial 
palms stand in curving ranks from organ to walls ; 
and, with all lights softly glowing through pink 

[ 97 ] 

G A D S B Y 

silk hoods; and with gilt cords outlining an altar- 
dais of moss and sprays of asparagus, it is a sight 
to bring a thrill to anybody, young or old. 

And, now — aha!! With organist and 
Pastor waiting, a murmur and hand-clapping from 
that big front door told all who had luckily g t 
in that Nancy was coming! It took thirty cars to 
bring that bridal party to church ; for not a boy or 
girl of our old Organization would miss this occas- 
ion for a farm, with a pig on it with four kinks in 
its tail. Now, naturally, any girl would long to 
walk up that Holy path with Nancy, but too many 
would spoil things ; so, by drawing lots, Nancy had 
for company, Sarah Young, Lucy Donaldson, Pris- 
cilla Standish, Virginia Adams, Doris Johnson and 
Cora Grant; with Kathlyn as Maid of Honor, as 
charming an array of youthful glory as you could 
find in all Branton Hills. 

Until this important arrival, Branton Hills' 
famous organist, just plain John Smith, was play- 
ing softly, — "Just a Song at Twilight," watching 
for a signal from Mayor Gadsby; and soon swung 
into that famous march which brought foith a 
grand thrill, as tiny, blushing, palpitating Nancy 
took "Dad's" arm, gazing with shining orbs at that 
distant — oh, so distant — altar. 

Now I want to know why anybody should 
[ 98 ] 

G A D S B Y 

want to cry on such a grand occasion. What is 
sad about it? But many a lash was moist as that 
tiny vision of glamorous purity slowly trod that 
fragrant pathway. Possibly girls can't avoid it; 
anyway, our Branton Hills girls didn't try to do so. 
Gadsby, as has many a good old Dad, fought 
back any such showing; but I won't say that his 
thoughts didn't nag him; for, giving away your 
baby girl to any young, though first-class chap, is 
not actually fun. But that long, long trail finally 
brought him to that mossy dais, at which Frank, 
coming in through a handy door, stood waiting. 
Nancy was as calm as a wax doll; but Frank 
stood shaking with a most annoying cough (of 
imaginary origin!) as Pastor Brown stood, book 
in hand. Now I won't go through with all that was 
said; nor say anything about Nancy's tiny, warm, 
soft hand as it was put in Frank's big clumsy fist 
by Pastor Brown. Nor about that first Holy kiss; 
nor that long, mighty roar of organ music, as our 
happy, blushing pair trod that long pathway, door- 
wards. You know all about it, anyway, as most such 
rituals follow a standard custom. Nor shall I go 
into that happy hour at His Honor's mansion, dur- 
ing which that fancy loaf of frosting, raisins and 
citron was cut; (and which many a girl put in a 
pillow that night!); nor of that big bridal bunch 

[ 99 ] 

G A D S B Y 

of blossoms, which was thrown from a stairway 
into a happy group of hopping, jumping, laughing 
girls. (But I will say, — shhhh! that Kathlyn 
caught it!); nor anything of Nancy and Frank's 
thrilling trip to Branton Hills' big railway station, 
in that gift car which Nancy thought was a king's 
chariot; nor of a grand, low bow by old Pat Ryan 
of that station's trunk room. It was just that 
customary "All aboard!!" a crowd's "Hooray!!" 
and "Good Luck!!", with Branton Hills' Municipal 
Band a-blaring, and a mighty mob shouting and 

[ 100 ] 



Oh, hum ! I'll turn from 
this happy affair now and try to find out what was 
going on in this thriving, hustling city. Now you 
probably think of a city as a gigantic thing; for, 
if you go up onto a high hill, and look around 
across that vast array of buildings, parks, roads 
and distant suburbs, you not only think that it is 
a gigantic thing, you know it is. But, is it? 

Just stop and think a bit. All such things 
as bulk, or width, you know by comparison only; 
comparison with familiar things. So, just for fun, 
go up in an imaginary balloon, about half way to 
that old Moon, which has hung aloft from your 
birth — (and possibly a day or two in addition) — 
and look down upon your "gigantic" city. How 
will it look? It is a small patch of various colors; 
but you know that, within that tiny patch, many 
thousands of your kind hurry back and forth; rail- 
way trains crawl out to far-away districts; and, if 
you can pick out a grain of dust that stands out 
dimly in a glow of sunlight, you may know that it 
is your mansion, your cabin or your hut, according 
to your financial status. Now, if that hardly shows 
up, how about you? What kind of a dot would 

[ 101 ] 

G A D S B Y 

you form in comparison? You must admit that 
your past thoughts as to your own pomposity will 
shrink just a bit ! All this shows us that could this 
big World think, it wouldn't know that such a thing 
as Man was on it. And Man thinks that his part 
in all this unthinkably vast Cosmos is important!! 
Why, you poor shrimp ! if this old World wants to 
twitch just a bit and knock down a city or two, or 
split up a group of mountains, Man, with all his 
brain capacity, can only dash wildly about, dodging 
falling bricks. No. You wouldn't show up from 
that balloon as plainly as an ant, in crawling around 
our Capitol building at Washington. 

But why all this talk about our own incon- 
spicuosity? It is simply brought up to accompany 
Nancy's thoughts as that train shot across country; 
for Nancy, until now, had not known anything ap- 
proaching such a trip. So this happy, happy trip, 
back upon which many a woman looks, with a ro- 
mantic thrill, was astounding to such a girl. From 
Branton Hills to San Francisco; a boat to Hono- 
lulu, Manila, Shanghai, Hong Kong, Colombo, and 
finally Cairo. Ah ! Cairo ! ! In thinking of it you 
naturally bring up two words — "Pyramids" and 
"Sphinx", words familiar from school days. Prac- 
tically from birth, Nancy, along with millions of 
folks, had known that famous illustration of a thing 

[ 102 ] 

G A D S B Y 

half Hon and half woman ; and a mountainous mass 
f masonry, built for a king's tomb. So, stand- 
ing right in front of both, Nancy and Frank got 
that wondrous thrill coming from attaining a long, 
long wish. From Cairo to Italy, Spain, London, 
Paris, and that grand Atlantic sail, landing at 
Boston, and hustling by fast train (but how slow 
it did go!!) to Branton Hills! So, along about 
Thanksgiving Day, about half of its population 
was again at its big railway station, for Nancy 
was coming back. (And Frank, too, if anybody 
should ask you.) 

And with that big Municipal Band a-boom- 
ing and blaring, and the crowd of our old Organi- 
zation girls pushing forward, did Branton Hills 
look good to Nancy? And did Nancy look good 
to Branton Hills? What a glorious tan, from days 
and days on shipboard ! And was that old Atlantic 
ugly? Ask Frank, poor chap, who, as on that big 
Pacific, had found out just what a ship's rail is 
for! And that stomachs can turn most amazing 
flip-flops if an old boat is too frisky ! 

In just an instant, actual count, Nancy was 
in Lady Gadsby's arms, fighting valiantly to hold 
back a flood of big, happy sobs; and Frank was 
busy, grabbing a cloud of hands surging towards 

[ 103 ] 

G A D S B Y 

Coming back from a long trip is a happy ^ 
casion. And it is also mighty good to put a trunk or 
a bag down, knowing that it will "stay put" for a 
day or two, anyway. That constant packing and 
unpacking on a long trip, soon turns into an auto- 
matic function; and how Nancy did worry about 
what transportation customs in various lands would 
do to a first class trunk which has a romantic 
history, owing to its coming as a matrimonial gift 
from a group of loving girls. But now; ah!! 
Put it away, and your things around, in familiar 

Long trips do bring lots of fun and informa- 
tion ; but a truly long trip is tiring, both in body and 

But Nancy and Frank won't stay with Gads- 
by long; for, during that trip, a charming bungalow 
was built on a lot of Gadsby's, facing City Park; 
and Nancy put in many days arranging things in 
it. Anybody who has had such joyful work to do, 
knows how assiduously a young pair would go about 
it; for two young robins carrying bits of cotton 
and string up to a criss-cross of twigs in a big 
oak, with constant soft, loving chirps, "had noth- 
ing," according to our popular slang, on Nancy and 

Finally "moving in day" got around, with 
[ 104 ] " 

G A D S B Y 

that customary party, to which you carry a gjift to 
add to such things as a young husband on only a 
small salary can install. And how gifts did 
pour in!! Rugs, chairs, small stands, urns, clocks, 
photos in wall mountings, dainty scarfs (all hand- 
work by our girls in our Night School), books, 
lamps, a "radio" from Station KBH, until, finally, 
a big truck found an opportunity in that coming 
and going throng to back in and unload an upright 
piano, all satin ribbon wrappings, with a card: — 
"From Branton Hills' Municipal Band." 

[ 105 ] 


I could go on for hours 
about this starting out of Nancy and Frank, but 
many civic affairs await us; for Julius Gadsby, 
who has not got into this story up to now, had, from 
his constant poring through all kinds of books 
of information, built up a thorough insight into 
fossils; and you know that Kathlyn is way up in 
Biology; which brings in our awkward "bugs" 
again. Now bugs will burrow in soil, and always 
did, from History's birth ; building catacombs which 
at last vanish through a piling up of rocks, sand 
or soil on that spot. Now Julius continually ran 
across accounts of important "finds" of such fos- 
sils, and with Kathlyn's aid was soon inaugurating 
popular clamor for a big Hall of Natural History. 
This, Julius and Kathlyn thought, would turn 
out as popular, in a way, as living animals 
out at our Zoo. But an appropriation for 
a Hall of Natural History is a hard thing 
to jam through a City Council; for though its 
occupants call for no food, you can't maintain such 
a building without human custody; "which," said 
Old Bill Simpkins, "is but a tricky way of saying 
CASH ! !" But our Council was by now so familiar 

[ 106 ] 

G A D S B Y 

w ith calls from that famous "Organization", and, 
owing to its inborn faith in that grand body of 
hustling Youth, such a building was built; Julius 
an d Kathlyn arranging all displays of fossil birds, 
plants, "bugs," footprints, raindrop marks, worms, 
skulls, parts of jaws, and so on. And what a crowd 
was on hand for that first public day ! Julius and 
Kathlyn took visitors through various rooms, giv- 
ing much data upon what was shown; and many a 
Branton Hills inhabitant found out a lot of facts 
about our vast past; about organisms living so far 
back in oblivion as to balk Man's brain to grasp. 
Kathlyn stood amongst groups of botanical fossili- 
zations, with Gadsby not far away, as this studious 
young woman told school pupils how our common 
plants of today through various transitions in form, 
show a kinship with what now lay, in miraculously 
good condition, in this big Hall; and Julius told 
staring groups how this or that fossil did actually 
link such animals as our cow or walrus of today 
with original forms totally apart, both in looks and 
habits. And it was comforting to Gadsby to find 
pupils asking how long ago this was, and noting 
that amazing look as Julius had to say that nobody 

Such a building is an addition to any city; 
for this big World is so old that human calculation 

[ 107 ] 

G A D S B Y 

cannot fathom it; and it will, in all probability, g 
on always. So it is improving a child's mind to 
visit such displays; for it will start a train of 
thoughts along a path not commonly sought if such 
institutions do not stand as attractions. Now, in 
any community a crank will bob up, who will, with 
loud acclaim and high-sounding words, avow that 
it "is a scandalous drain on public funds to put up 
such a building just to show a lot of rocks, ani- 
mals' ribs and birds' skulls." But such loud bom- 
basts only show up an "orator's" brain capacity (or 
lack of it), and actually bring studious folks to 
ask for just such data upon things which his ridi- 
culing had run down. It is an old, old story, that if 
you want a city's population to go in strongly for 
anything, and you start a loud, bawling campaign 
against it, that public will turn to it for information 
as to its worth. So, just such a loud, bawling 
moron had to drift into our Hall on its inaugura- 
tion day, and soon ran smack up against Kathlyn! 
That worthy girl, allowing him to "blow off" a 
bit, finally said : — 

"I know you. You run a stock farm. All 
right. You want to know all you can about match- 
ing and crossing your stock, don't you? I thought 
so. But God did all that, long, oh, so long ago; 
gradually producing such animals as you own to- 

[ 108 ] 

G A D S B Y 

jay; and all you can do is to follow along, in your 
puny way, and try to avoid a poor quality of stock 
mixing with yours. This building contains thous- 
ands of God's first works. It won't do you a bit of 
harm to look through our rooms. Nothing will jump 
out at you !" 

At that that barking critic shut up! And 
Gadsby slid outdoors, chuckling: — 

"That's my girl talking!! That's my Kath- 


It is curious why anybody should pooh-pooh 
a study of fossils or various forms of rocks or lava. 
Such things grant us our only vision into Natural 
History's big book; and it isn't a book in first-class 
condition. Far from it! Just a tiny scrap; a slip; 
or, possibly a big chunk is found, with nothing noti- 
fying us as to how it got to that particular point, 
nor how long ago. Man can only look at it, lift 
it, rap it, cut into it, and squint at it through a mag- 
nifying glass. And, — think about it. That's 
all; until a formal study brings accompanying 
thoughts from many minds; and, by such tactics, 
judging that in all probability such and such a rock 
or fossil footprint is about so old. Natural His- 
tory holds you in its grasp through just this impos- 
sibility of finding actual facts; for it is thus caus- 
ing you to think. Now, thinking is not only a vol- 

[ 109 ] 

G A D S B Y 

untary function; it is an acquisition; an art. Plants 
do not think. Animals probably do, but in a pri- 
mary way, such as an aid in knowing poisonous 
foods, and how to bring up an offspring with simi- 
lar ability. But Man can, and should think, and 
think hard and constantly. It is ridiculous to rush 
blindly into an action without looking forward to 
lay out a plan. Such an unthinking custom is al- 
most a panic, and panic is but a mild form of in- 

So Kathlyn and Julius did a grand, good 
thing in having this Hall as an addition to Branton 
Hills' institutions. 

Now, in any city or town, or almost any 
small community, you will find a building, or pos- 
sibly only a room, about which said city or town 
has nothing to say. It is that most important in- 
stitution in which you put a stamp on your mail 
and drop it into a slot, knowing that it will find its 
way across city or country to that man or woman 
who is waiting for it. 

But how many young folks know how this 
mail is put out so quickly, and with such guaranty 
against loss? Not many, I think, if you ask. So 
Gadsby, holding up Youth as a Nation's most im- 
portant function in its coming history, thought that 
any act which would instruct a child in ary way, 

[ no ] 

G A D S B Y 

was worthy. So, on a Saturday morning His Hon- 
or took a group of Grammar School pupils to a 
balcony in back of that all-hiding partition, and a 
postal official, showing all mail handling acts in- 
dividually, said : — 

"In this country, two things stand first in 
rank: your flag and your mail. You all know what 
honor you pay to your flag, but you should know, 
also, that your mail, — iust that ordinary postal 
card — is also important. But a postal card, or any 
form of mail, is not important, in that way, until 
you drop it through a slot in this building, and with 
a stamp on it, or into a mail box outdoors. Up to 
that instant it is but a common card, which any- 
body can pick up and carry off without committing 
a criminal act. But as soon as it is in back of this 
partition, or in a mail box, a magical transforma- 
tion occurs ; and anybody who now should willfully 
purloin it, or obstruct its trip in any way, will find 
prison doors awaiting him. What a frail thing 
ordinary mail is ! A baby could rip it apart, but no 
adult is so foolish as to do it. That small stamp 
which you stick on it, is, you might say, a postal 
official, going right along with it, having it always 
in his sight." 

A giggling girl was curious to know if that 
was why a man's photo is on it. 

[ 111 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Possibly," said our official, laughing. "But 
wait a bit. Look downstairs. As your mail f a ll s 
in through that slot, or is brought in by a mailman 
it is put through an ink-daubing apparatus — that's 
it, right down in front of you — which totally ruins 
its stamp. How about your man's photo, now ?" 

A good laugh rang around, and our official 
said : — 

"Now a man sorts it according to its inscrip- 
tion, puts it into a canvas bag and aboard a train, 
or possibly an aircraft. But that bag has mail 
going to points a long way apart, so a man in a mail 
car sorts it out, so that Chicago won't find mail in 
its bag which should go to California." 

At this point our giggling girl said : — 
"Ooooo! I had a Christmas card for Mis- 
souri go way down to Mississippi!" 
"How did you mark it?" 
"I put M-i-s-s for Missouri." 
"Try M-o, and I wish you luck." 
As that laugh ran round, our official said : — 
"Now you know that you can buy a long, 
narrow stamp which will hurry your mail along. 
So, as all mail in this building is put up in many a 
small bunch, all with such stamps attract a mail- 
man, who will so wrap a bunch that that kind of a 
stamp will show up plainly. Upon its arrival at 

[ 112 ] 

G A D S B Y 

a distant point, a boy will grab it, and hurry it to 
its final goal. But that stamp will not hurry it as 
long as it is on that train." 

Our giggling girl, swinging in again, said : — 

"What? With that stamp right on top?" 

"How can it?" said our official. "A train 
can only go just so fast, stamp or no stamp." 


Our boys and girls got a big thrill from 
this visit in back of that partition, and told Gadsby 
so. On coming out of that building our party saw 
a big patrolman putting a small boy into a patrol 
wagon. That poor kid was but a bunch of rags, 
dirty, and in a fighting mood. Our boys got a big 
laugh out of it. Our girls, though, did not. Young 
Marian Hopkins, who had that fairy wand, you 
know, at our airport inauguration, said : — 

"Oh, that poor child! Will that cop put 
him in jail, Mayor Gadsby?" At which His Hon- 
or instantly thought of a plan long in his mind. 
Branton Hills had a court room, a child's court, 
in fact, at which a kindly man looks out for just 
such young waifs — trying to find out why such 
tots commit unlawful acts. So Gadsby said: — 

"I don't know, Marian, but I want you young 
folks to go on a visit, tonight, to our night court, to 

[ 113 ] 

G A D S B Y 

find out about just such wild boys. How many 
want to go?" 

To his satisfaction, all did ; and so, that night 
that court room had rows of young folks, all agog 
with curiosity which a first visit to a court stirs 
up in a child. Just by luck, our young vagrant in 
rags was brought in first, shaking with childish 
doubt as to what was going to occur. But that 
kindly man sitting back of that big mahogany rail- 
ing had no thought of scaring a child, and said 
calmly : — 

"Now, boy, what did you do that you ought 
not to do ; and why did you do it ?" 

As our boys sat nudging and winking, but 
with our girls growing sad from sympathy, our 
young culprit said: — 

"Aw ! I grabs a bun, and dis big cop grabs 
my collar!" 

"But why did you grab that bun? It wasn't 
yours, you know." 

"Gosh, ma.n\\ I was hungry ! f 

"Hungry? Don't your folks look out for 

"Naw; I do my own looking. And that's 
what I was doing, too !" 

"What had you for food all day?" 

[ 114 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Just that bun. And say!! I only got 
half of it ! That big cop was so rough !" 

"Did that cop, as you call him, hurt you?" 

"Hurt!! I should say not!! I put up a 
good stiff scrap! I paid him back, blow for blow! 
No big gas-bag of a cop is going to wallop this kid 
and not pay for it !" 

"But, boy, don't your folks bring you up to 
know that it is wrong to rob anybody?" 

"Naw ! My Dad robs folks, and just got six 
months for it. So why shouldn't I? It's all right 
to do what your Dad will do, isn't it?" 

"Not always, boy," and our girls in row two 
and our boys in row four sat sad and glum at this 
portrayal of youthful sin. Finally that big kindly 
man, thoughtfully rubbing his chin, said: — 

"Whom did your Dad rob?" 

"I dunno. It was a Ford car. Nobody 
wasn't in it, so why not grab it? That's what Dad 
said. You can pick up a bit of cash for a car, you 
know, boss. And say, if a car brung only six 
months, how long will I squat in jail for swiping 
this half bun? Aw! Go slow, boss! I ain't no 
bad kid ! Only just a hungry mutt. Gosh ! ! How 
I wish I had a glass of milk !" 

From row two a young, vigorous girlish 
form shot out, dashing for a doorway; and as that 

[ 115 ] 

G A D S B Y 

big kindly man was still rubbing his chin, Marian 
burst in again, rushing, sobbingly, to that sad bunch 
of rags, holding out a pint of milk and two hot bis- 
cuits. A quick snatch by two horribly dirty young 
hands, a limp flop on a mat at that big mahogany 
railing, and a truly hungry child was oblivious to 
all around him. And I'll say that our boys, in row 
four, had lumpy throats. But finally that big kind- 
ly man said: — 

"Though taking things unlawfully is wrong, 
conditions can occur in which so young a culprit 
is not at fault. This young chap has had no bring- 
ing up, but has run wild. A child will not know 
right from wrong if not taught ; and, as it is a pri- 
mary animal instinct to obtain food in any way, I 
will simply put this boy in a school which Branton 
Hills maintains for just such youths." 

At this both row two and row four burst 
out in such a storm of hand-clapping that Gadsby 
found that this visit had shown his young folks, 
from actual contact with a child without training, 
how important child-raising is; and how proud a 
city is of such as act according to law. 

[ 116 ] 


In almost any big town, 
around Autumn, you will annually run across that 
famous agricultural show known as a County Fair ; 
and, as Branton Hills had a big park, which you 
know all about, right in front of Nancy's and 
Frank's small bungalow, it was a most natural 
spot for holding it. And so, as this happy pair's 
third Autumn got around, stirring activity in that 
big park also got a-going; for railings for stock- 
yards don't grow all built; yards and yards of 
brown canvas don't just blow into a park; nor do 
"hot dog" and popcorn stands jump up from noth- 
ing. And Nancy, rocking on that bungalow porch, 
could watch all this work going on. And rocking 
was about all that Nancy could, or, I should say, 
should do, just now. 

What a sight it was! Trucks; small cars; 
wagons; a gang with a tractor plowing up hard 
spots; a gang picking up rocks, grading humpy 
spots, and laying out ground plans. Masons build- 
ing walls, and all kinds of goods arriving, by tons. 
But out of all that confusion and ado a canvas 
town will grow, strung from top to bottom with 
gaily flapping flags and hanging bunting, and that 

[ 117 ] 

G A D S B Y 

customary "mid-way" with its long rows of gaudy 
billboards, in front of which circus ballyhoo artists 
will continuously bawl and shout out claims about 
sword-swallowing, tattooing, hula-hula dancing 
boa constrictor charming, or a Punch and Judy 

At a County Fair two things stand out as 
most important: farm stock and that oval track 
around which swiftly trotting colts will thrill thous- 
ands; and, I'll say, shrink a bank account or two! 
But, of all sights, I don't know of any with such 
drawing ability for kids as just such a carnival 
lot. So, daily, as soon as school was out, throngs of 
happy, shouting, hopping, jumping boys and girls 
would dash for that big park ; looking, pointing, and 
climbing up on auto tops, into lofty oaks, onto tall 
rocks, or a pal's back ; for if anything is difficult for 
a boy to obtain a sight of, nothing in climbing that 
an orang-outang can do, will balk him ! 

So Nancy sat calmly rocking, rocking, rock- 
ing, and, — but, pardon! I'll go on with this story. 
All I know is that Frank, arriving from work at 
Radio Station KBH, wouldn't so much as look at 
that big carnival lot, but would rush in, in a most 
loving, solicitous way which always brought a kiss 
and a blush from Nancy. Now if I don't quit talk- 
ing about this young pair you won't know anything 

[ 118 ] 

G A D S B Y 

about that big show going up in front of that happy 
bungalow. Almost daily Lady Gadsby would drop 
in on Nancy, bringing all sorts of dainty foods ; and 
His Honor, with Kathlyn, Julius and Bill, paid 
customary visits. 

"But that fair !" you say. "How about that 

Ah ! It was a fair, I'll say ! What mobs on 
that first day! And what a din!! Bands playing, 
ballyhoos shouting, popcorn a-popping, "hot dogs" 
a-sizzling, ducks squawking, cows lowing, pigs 
grunting, an occasional baby squalling; and 'midst 
it all, a choking cloud of dust, a hot Autumn wind, 
panting, fanning matrons, cussing husbands; all 
working toward that big oval track at which all 
had a flimsy possibility of winning a million or two 
(or a dollar or two !) . Oh, you County Fairs ! You 
bloom in your canvas glory, annually. You draw 
vast crowds; you show high quality farm stock, 
gigantic pumpkins, thousands of poultry, includ- 
ing our "Thanksgiving National Bird". You fill 
coops with fancy squabs, fat rabbits, and day-old 
chicks. You show many forms of incubators, 
churns, farming apparatus, pumps, plows, lighting 
plants for small farms, windmills, "bug" poisons, 
and poultry foods. And you always add a big bal- 
loon, which you anchor, so that kids may soar aloft 

[ H9 ] 

G A D S B Y 

until a windlass pulls it down. You fill us with food 
that would kill a wild goat, but you still last ! And 
may you always do so; for, within your flapping 
bulging canvas walls, city man rubs against town 
man, rich and poor girls bump, snobs attain no 
right of way , and a proud, happy boy or girl shows 
a "First Class" satin ribbon which a lovingly 
brought-up calf or poultry brood has won. 

Only a satin ribbon, but, displaying it to a 
group of admiring young pals brings to a child that 
natural thrill from accomplishing anything worthy 
of public acclaim. Such thrills will not crowd in 
as Maturity supplants Youth; and so I say, "a trio 
of our customary huzzas" for any child who can 
carry away a satin ribbon from a County Fair. 

But what about our good Mayor during all 
this circus hullabaloo ? Did important thoughts for 
still improving Bran ton Hills pass through his busy 
mind? Not just now; but fond, anxious thoughts 
did; for his mind was constantly on Nancy; tiny, 
darling Nancy, his baby girl. For, during that 
noisy carnival, folks saw (or thought so, you 
know), a big bird with long shanks and a mon- 
strous bill, circling round and round that small 
bungalow's roof, plainly looking for a spot to land 
on. Lady Gadsby and old Doctor Wilkins saw it, 
too, and told Nancy that that big hospital which 

[ 120 ] 

G A D S B Y 

o0 r old Organization had built, was holding a room 
for instant occupancy; and, as that big bird daily 
s wung down, down, down, almost grazing that small 
roof, Frank, poor chap, as shaky as at his church 
ritual, thirty months ago, staid away from Radio 
Station KBH, and stuck to that small bungalow as 
a fly sticks around a sugar bowl. 

Finally, on a crisp Autumn night, that soar- 
ing bird shot straight down with such an assuring 
swoop, that old Doc Wilkins, indoors with Nancy, 
saw it and said, quickly : — 

"On your way, Nancy girl ! !" and that part 
of Branton Hills saw his car racing hospitalwards, 
with Lady Gadsby fondly patting Nancy's tiny, cold 
hands, and saying just such loving things as a wo- 
man would, naturally, to a young girl on such a 
trip. But Gadsby and Frank? Ah! Poor, half- 
crazy things ! No car would do at all ! No, sir!! 
A car was far too slow ! And so, across lots, down 
into many a man's yard, and jumping high walls, 
shot two shadowy forms, arriving at that big hos- 
pital, badly blown, just as Lady Gadsby and old 
Doc Wilkins took Nancy's arms, and got slowly 
to that big door with its waiting rolling chair. 

Now this stork's visit is nothing out of or- 
dinary in World affairs. Millions and billions of 
visits has it, and its kind, flown — to king's mansion 

[ 121 ] 

G A D S B Y 

or a black Zulu woman's hut. But this flight was 
poor Frank's initiation to that awful hour of blank 
panic, during which a young husband is boiling 
hot or icy cold in turn. God ! ! How still a hospital 
corridor is!! How doctors and assistants do float 
past without as much sound as falling snow! Oh! 
How long Frank and His Honor sat, stood, or trod 
up and down, watching that room door ! ! What 
was going on ? Was Nancy all right ? Oh ! ! Why 
this prolonging of agonizing inactivity ? Can't any- 
body say anything? Isn't anybody around, at all? 
But hospital doctors and nursing staffs, though 
pitying a young chap, must pass him up for that 
tiny lady, who now was but a tool in God's hands ; in 

God's magic laboratory. And so Ah!! Doctor 

Wilkins is coming — and smiling!! 

"A baby girl — and with a ripping good pair 
of lungs!" but has to jump quick to catch Frank, 
who has sunk in a swoon. And Mayor Gadsby's 
collar is as limp as a dish-rag ! 

Ah! Man, man, man! and woman, woman, 
woman! Just you two! God's only parts in His 
mighty plan for living actuality. Not only with 
Man and animals, but also down, — way, way 
down amongst plants. Just two parts. Only two ! ! 
And Baby, you tiny bunch of wriggling, gurgling 
humanity, by that slowly ticking clock is your turn 

t 122 ] 

D S B 

in this mighty World, unavoidably arriving. Ma- 
ma, Papa, and all of us will go on, for a bit, grow- 
ing old and gray, but you, now so young and frail, 
w ill stand sturdily, and willingly, in our vacancy; 
and carry on God's will ! 

[ 123 ] 


As this is a history f 
a city I must not stay around any part too long. 
So, as it was almost "a small morning hour," Nina 
Adams, a widow, was sitting up; for Virginia, a 
High School girl, was still out; and, around two- 
thirty, was brought back in a fast car; two youths 
actually dumping an unconscious form on Nina's 
front porch, and dashing madly away. But Nina 
Adams saw it; and, calling for aid in carrying 
Virginia indoors, put in a frantic call for old Doc 
Wilkins, an old, long-ago school pal, who found 
Nina frantic from not knowing Virginia's condition, 
nor why the pair of youths shot madly away with- 
out calling anybody. But it only took Doctor Wil- 
kins an instant to find out what was wrong; and 
Nina, noting his tight lips and growing scowl was 
in an agony of doubt. 

"What is it, Tom? Quick!! I'm almost 
crazy ! !" 

Dr. Wilkins, standing by Virginia's couch, 
said, slowly: — 

"It's nothing to worry about, Nina. Virgin- 
ia will pull through all right, by morning." 

But that didn't satisfy Nina Adams, not for 
[ 124 ] 

G A D S B Y 

a n instant, and Dr. Wilkins, knowing that iron- 
clad spirit of school days which would stand for 
n o obstructions in its path, saw that a "blow-up" 
was coming; but, through a kindly thought for this 
woman's comfort, did not say what his diagnosis 
was, until Nina, now actually livid with worry, 
said : — 

"Tom Wilkins! Doctor Wilkins, if you 
wish, — I claim a natural right to know why my 
child is unconscious! And you, a physician, can- 
not, by law, withhold such information ! !" 

But Wilkins, trying to find a way out of a 
most unhappy condition of affairs, said : — 

"Now, Nina, you know I wouldn't hold any- 
thing from you if Virginia was critically ill, but 
that is not so. If you'll only wait until morning 
you'll find that I am right." 

But this only built obstruction upon obstruc- 
tion to Nina's strong will, until Dr. Wilkins, notic- 
ing coming total prostration, had to say: — 

"Nina, Virginia is drunk; horribly drunk." 

"Drunk! T Widow Adams had to grab 
wildly at a chair, sinking into it; at first as limp as 
a rag, but instantly springing up, blood surging to 
a throbbing brow. "Drunk! Drunk!! My 
baby drunk ! ! Tom, I thank you for trying to ward 
off this shock ; but I'll say right now, with my hand 

[ 125 ] 


G A D S B Y 

on high, that I am going to start a rumpus about 
this atrocity that will rock Branton Hills to its foun- 
dations! Who got this young school-girl drunk? 
I know that Virginia wouldn't drink that stuff will- 
ingly. How could it occur? I pay through taxa- 
tion for a patrolman in this district; in fact in all 
districts of this city. What is a patrolman for, if 
not to watch for just such abominations as this, 

Dr. Wilkins didn't say, though probably 
thinking of a rumor that had run around town for a 
month or two. At this point Virginia, partly con- 
scious, was murmuring: — 

"Oh, Norman! Don't!! I can't drink it! 
Oh ! I'm so sick ! !" 

This brought forth all of Nina Adams' fury 

"Aha! Aha! Norman! So that's it! 
That's Norman Antor, that low-down, good- 
for-nothing night-owl ! Son of our big Councilman 
Antor. So!! It's 'Norman! I can't drink it'! 
Tom Wilkins, this thing is going to court .'T 

About noon of that day, our good doctor, 
walking sadly along, ran across Mayor Gadsby, in 

[ 126 ] 

G A D S B Y 

front of City Hall; and did His Honor "burn" at 
such an abomination? 

"What? High School boys forcing young 
girls to drink? And right in our glorious Branton 
Hills? Oh, but, Doc! This can't pass without a 
trial !" 

"That's all right, John; but a thorn sticks 
out, right in plain sight." 

"Thorn? Thorn? What kind of a thorn?" 
and our Mayor was flushing hard, as no kind of 
wild thoughts would point to any kind of thorns. 

"That thorn," said Wilkins, "is young Nor- 
man Antor; son of " 

"Not of Councilman Antor f 

"I am sorry to say that it is so," and Wilkins 
told of Virginia's half-conscious murmurings. 
"And Nina wants to know why, with a patrolman 
in all parts of town, it isn't known that all this 
drinking is going on. I didn't say what I thought, 
but you know that a patrolman don't go into danc- 
ing pavilions and night clubs until conditions sanc- 
tion it." 

"Who is supplying this liquor?" 

"Councilman Antor; but without knowing 


All His Honor could say was to gasp: — 
"How do you know that, Doc?" and Wilkins 
[ 127 ] 

G A D S B Y 

told of four calls for him in four days, to young 
girls, similarly drunk. 

"And my first call was to young Mary 

Antor's tiny Grammar School kid, who was as 
drunk as Virginia ; but, on coming out of it, told of 
robbing Antor's pantry, in which liquor was al- 
ways on hand for his politicial pals, you know; that 
poor kid taking it to various affairs and giving it to 
boys; and winning 'popularity' that way." 

"So," said Gadsby, "Councilman Antor's 
boy and girl, brought up in a family with liquor al- 
ways handy, now, with ignorant, childish bragga- 
docio, bring Councilman Antor into this mix-up! 
I'm sorry for Antor ; but his pantry is in for an of- 
ficial visit." 

It wasn't so long from this day that Court 
got around to this rumpus. To say that that big 
room was full, would put it mildly. Although, ac- 
cording to an old saying, "a cat is only as big as 
its skin," that room's walls almost burst, as groups 
of church organizations and law abiding inhabi- 
tants almost fought for admission; until standing 
room was nothing but a suffocating jam. As Gads- 
by and Doc Wilkins sat watching that sight, Gads- 
by said : — 

"It's an outpouring of rightful wrath by a 
proud city's population; who, having put out good, 

[ 128 ] 

G A D S B Y 

hard work in bringing it to its high standing as a 
community, today, will not stand for anything that 
will put a blot on its municipal flag, which is, right 
now, proudly flying on City Hall." 

As Wilkins was about to say so, a rising 
murmur was rolling in from out back, for Norman 
Antor was coming in, in custody of a big patrolman, 
and with four youths, all looking, not only anxious, 
but plainly showing humiliation at such an abomi- 
nation against trusting young girlhood. Scowls 
and angry rumblings told that high official, way up 
in back of that mahogany railing, that but a spark 
would start a riot. So, in a calm, almost uncanny 
way, this first trial of its kind in Branton Hills got 
along to a court official calling, loudly : — 

"Virginia Adams ! !" 

If you think that you know what a totally 
still room is, by no kink of your imagination could 
you possibly know such an awful, frightful hush 
as struck that crowd dumb, as Virginia, a tall, dark, 
willowy, stylish girl quickly took that chair, from 
which Truth, in all its purity, is customarily 
brought out. But Virginia was not a bit shaky nor 
anxious, nor doubtful of an ability to go through 
with this ugly task. 

Gadsby and Doc Wilkins sat watching Nina ; 
Gadsby with profound sympathy, but Wilkins with 

[ 129 ] 

G A D S B Y 

an old school-pal's intuition, watching for a blow 
up. But Nina didn't blow up, that is, not visibly 
but that famous rigid will was boiling, full tilt 
boiling up to a point for landing, "tooth and claw' 
on our pompous Councilman's son, if things didn't 
turn out satisfactorily. 

Virginia didn't occupy that stand long; it 
was only a half-sobbing account of a night at a 
dancing pavilion; and with a sob or two from a 
woman or girl in that vast crowd. All Virginia 
said was : — 

"Norman Antor said I was a cry-baby if I 
wouldn't drink with him. But I said, 'All right; I 
am a cry-baby! And I always will turn 'cry- 
baby' if anybody insists that I drink that stuff." 
(Just a short lull, a valiant fight for control, and) 
— "But I had to drink ! ! Norman was tipping 
my chair back and John Allison was forcing that 
glass into my mouth ! I got so sick I couldn't stand 
up, and didn't know a thing until I found I was on 
a couch in my own parlor." 

A court official said, kindly: — 

"That will do, Miss Adams." 

During this, Nina was glaring at Norman; 
but Virginia's bringing Allison into it, also, was 
too much. But Wilkins, watching narrowly, said, 
snappingly : — 

t 130 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Nina! This is a court room!' 
Now this trial was too long to go into, word 
for word; so I'll say that not only Norman Antor 
a nd Allison, but also our big, pompous Councilman 
Antor, according to our popular slang, "got in 
bad"; and Branton Hills' dancing and night spots 
got word to prohibit liquor or shut up shop. Young 
Mary Antor was shown that liquor, in dancing 
pavilions or in a family pantry was not good for 
young girls ; and soon this most disgusting affair 
was a part of Branton Hills' history. And what 
vast variations a city's history contains! What 
valorous acts by far-thinking officials ! What dark 
daubs of filth by avaricious crooks ! What an array 
of past Mayors ; what financial ups and downs ; what 
growth in population. But, as I am this particular 
city's historian, with strict orthography control- 
ling it, this history will not rank, in volubility, with 
any by an author who can sow, broadcast, all handy, 
common words which continuously try to jump in- 
to it! 

[ 131 ] 


Branton Hills, now 
an up-to-today city, coming to that point of motor- 
izing all city apparatus, had just a last, solitary 
company of that class which an inhabitant fran- 
tically calls to a burning building — Company Four 
in our big shopping district ; all apparatus of which 
was still animal drawn ; four big, husky chaps : two 
blacks and two roans. Any thought of backing in 
any sort of motor apparatus onto this floor, upon 
which this loyal four had, during many months, 
stood, champing at bits, pawing and whinnying to 
start out that big door, in daylight or night-gloom, 
calm or storm, — was mighty tough for old Dowd 
and Clancy. A man living day and night with 
such glorious, vivacious animals, grows to look 
upon such as almost human. Bright, brainy, 
sparkling colts can win a strong hold on a man, you 

And now ! ! What form of disposal was 
awaiting "Big Four", as Clancy and Dowd took a 
fond joy in dubbing this pair of blacks and two 
roans? Clancy and Dowd didn't know anything 
but that a mass of cogs, piping, brass railings, an 

[ 132 ] 

G A D S B Y 

intricacy of knobs, buttons, spark-plugs, forward 
clutch and so forth was coming tomorrow. 

"Aw!f said Dowd, moaningly, "you know, 
Clancy, that good old light shifting about and that 
light 'stomping' in that row of stalls, at night ; you 
know, old man, that happy crunching of corn; that 
occasional cough; that tail^swatting at a fly or 
crazy zigzagging moth; that grand animal odor 
from that back part of this floor." 

"I do," said Clancy. "And now what? A 
loud whizz of a motor ! A suffocating blast of gas ! 
and a dom thing a-standin' on this floor, wid no 
brain; wid nothin' lovin' about it. Wid no soul." 

"Um-m-m," said Dowd, "I dunno about an 
animal havin' a soul, but it's got a thing not so dom 
far from it." 

As Clancy sat worrying about various forms 
of disposal for Big Four, an official phoning from 
City Hall, said just an ordinary, common word, 
which had Clancy hopping up and down, furiously 

"What's all this? What's all this?" Dowd 
sang out, coming from a stall, in which a good rub- 
bing down of a shiny coat, and continuous loving 
pats had brought snuggling and nosing. 

"Auction!!" said Clancy, wildly, and sitting 
down with a thud. 

[ 133 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Auction? Auction for Big Four? What? 
Put up on a block as you would a Jap urn or a phony 
diamond ?" 

"Uh-huh; that's what City Hall says." 

An awful calm slunk insidiously onto that 
big smooth floor, as Dowd and Clancy, chins on 
hands, sat, — just thinking! Finally Clancy burst 
out with: — 

"Aw ! If an alarm would only ring in, right 
now, to stop my brain from cracking! Auction! 

T* *?* *C *T* 

A big crowd stood in City Park, including 
His Honor, many a Councilman, and, naturally. 
Old Bill Simpkins, who was always bound to know 
what was going on. A loud, fast-talking man, on 
a high stand, was shouting: — 

"All right, you guys! How much? How 
much for this big black? A mountain of muscular 
ability! Young, kind, willing, smart! How much? 
How much?" 

Bids abominably low at first, but slowly 
crawling up; crawling slowly, as a boa constrictor 
crawls up on its victim. But, without fail, as a bid 
was sung out from that surging, gawking, chin- 
lifting mob, a woman, way in back, would surpass 
it! And that woman hung on, as no boa constric- 

t 134 ] 

G A D S B Y 

tor could! Gadsby, way down in front, couldn't 
fathom it, at all. Why should a woman want Big 
Four? A solitary animal, possibly, but four! So 
His Honor, turning and making his way toward 
that back row, ran smack into Nancy. 

"Daddy! Lady Standish is outbidding all 
this crowd!" 

"Oho! So that's it!" 

So Gadsby, pushing his way again through 
that jam, and coming to that most worthy woman, 
said : — 

"By golly, Sally! It's plain that you want 
Big Four." 

"John Gadsby, you ought to know that I 
do. Why! A man might buy that big pair of 
roans to hitch up to a plow ! Or hook a big black 
onto an ash cart!" 

"I know that, Sally, but that small back 

yard of yours is " 

"John!! Do your Municipal occupations 
knock all past days' doings out of your skull? You 
know that I own a grand, big patch of land out in 
our suburbs, half as big as Branton Hills. So this 
Big Four will just run around, jump, roll, kick, 
and loaf until doomsday, if I can wallop this mob 
out of bidding." 

As Lady Standish was long known as 
[ 135 ] 

G A D S B Y 

standing first in valuation on Branton Hills' tax 
list, nobody in that crowd was so foolish as to 
hang on, in a war of bidding, against that bank- 
roll. So Gadsby shook hands, put an arm about 
Nancy, walking happily away, as a roar of plaud- 
its shot out from that crowd, for that loud, fast- 
talking man was announcing: — 

"Sold! All four to Lady Standishlf 

As Gadsby and Nancy ran across Old Bill 
Simpkins, Gadsby said: — 

"Bill, you know that grand old . day. 
Look! A building is burning! A patrolman has 
put in an alarm! And now look! Coming down 
Broadway! Two big blacks, and following on, 
two big roans ! What grand, mighty animals ! 
Nostrils dilating; big hoofs pounding; gigantic 
flanks bulging; mighty lungs snorting; monstrous 
backs straining; thick, full tails standing straight 
out. Coming, sir ! Coming, sir ! ! Just as fast as 
brain and brawn can! And that gong-clanging, 
air-splitting, whistling, shining, sizzling, smoking 
four tons of apparatus roars past, grinding and 
banging on Broadway's paving ! You saw all that, 

"Uh-huh," said Simpkins, "but a motor 
don't hurt our paving so much." 

[ 136 ] 

G A D S B Y 

As Nancy took His Honor's arm again, 
Gadsby said: — 

"Poor, cranky old Bill ! Always running 
things down." 

But how about Clancy and Dowd ? On mov- 
ing out from that big park, that happy pair, if 
Knighthood was in bloom today, would bow low, 
and kiss fair Lady Standish's hand. 

[ 137 ] 


Oh, hum. Now that 
Nancy's baby is gurgling or squalling, according 
to a full tummy, or tooth conditions; and Nancy is 
looking, as Gadsby says, "as good as a million dol- 
lars," I find that that busy young son-of-a-gun, 
Dan Cupid, is still snooping around Branton Hills. 
And now who do you think is hit ? Try to think of 
a lot of girls in Gadsby's old Organization of 
Youth. No, it's not Sarah Young, nor Lucy Don- 
aldson, nor Virginia Adams. It was brought to 
your historian in this way : — 

Lady Gadsby and His Honor sat around his 
parlor lamp, His Honor noticing that Lady G. was 
smiling, finally saying: — 



"Kathlyn and John Smith, " 


"I said that Kathlyn and John Smith want 

"Oho! Aha!! I'll call up Pastor Brown 
to start right off dolling up his big church !" 

"No, no! Not now! Wait about six 
[ 138 ] 

G A D S B Y 

months. This is only a troth. Folks don't jump 
into matrimony, that way." 

"Hm-m-m ! I don't know about that," said 
Gadsby, laughing; and thinking way back to that 
captivating lassoo! 

John Smith was Branton Hills' famous 
church organist; and, at a small, dainty lunch, 
Kathlyn told of this troth. In a day or two about 
all Branton Hills' young girlhood had, on rushing 
in, told Kathlyn what a grand chap John was; and 
all that town's young manhood had told John simi- 
lar things about Kathlyn. So, as this is a jumpy sort 
of a story, anyway, why not skip months of happy 
ardor, and find how this tying of an additional knot 
in our Mayor's family will turn out? You know 
that Kathlyn don't think much of pomp or show, 
and such a big church ritual as Nancy had is all 
right if you want it, but Kathlyn had fond thoughts 
of just a small, parlor affair, with only a group of 
old chums; and no throwing of old boots, and 
"sharp food-grains," which work downward, to 
scratch your back, or stick in your hair as stub- 
bornly as burrs. 

"Such crazy doings," said Kathlyn, "always 
look foolish. It's odd how anybody can follow up 
such antiquarian customs." 

As Kathlyn's big night was drawing nigh, 
[ 139 ] 

G A D S B Y 

Lady Gadsby and Nancy had constantly thought 
of a word synonymous with "woman", and that 
word is "scrub." Which is saying that Gadsby's 
mansion was about to submit to a gigantic scrub- 
bing, painting, dusting, and so forth, so that Kath- 
lyn should start out on that ship of matrimony 
from a spic-span wharf. Just why a woman 
thinks that a grain of dust in a totally inconspic- 
uous spot is such a catastrophic abnormality is 
hard to say ; but if you simply broach a thought that 
a grain of it might lurk in back of a piano, or up 
back of an oil painting, a flood of soap-suds will 
instantly burst forth; and any man who can find 
any of his things for four days is a clairvoyant, or 
a magician ! 

As Gadsby sat watching all this his thoughts 
took this form : — 

"Isn't it surprising what an array of things 
a woman can drag forth, burrowing into attics, 
rooms and nooks ! Things long out of mind ; an old 
thing; a worn-out thing; but it has lain in that room, 
nook or bag until just such a riot of soap and scrub- 
bing brush brings it out. And, as I think of it, a 
human mind could, and should go through just such 
a ransacking, occasionally; for you don't know half 
of what an accumulation of rubbish is kicking 
about, in its dark, musty corridors. Old fashions in 

[ HO ] 

G A D S B Y 

thoughts; bigotry; vanity; all lying stagnant. So 
why not drag out and sort all that stuff, discard- 
ing ah which is of no valuation? About half of 
us will find, in our minds, a room, having on its 
door a card, saying: "It Was Not So In My Day." 
Go at that room, right off. That "My Day" is long 
past. "Today" is boss, now. If that "My Day" 
could crawl up on "Today," what a mix-up in World 
affairs would occur! Ox cart against aircraft; oil 
lamps against arc lights! Slow, mail information 
against radio ! But, as all this stuff is laid out, what 
will you do with it? Nobody wants it. So I say, 
burn it, and tomorrow morning, how happy you will 
find that musty old mind !" 

But His Honor's mansion finally got back 
to normal as clouds of dust and swats and slaps 
from dusting cloths had shown Lady Gadsby and 
Kathlyn that "that parlor was simply awful" though 
Gadsby, Julius and Bill always had thought that 
"It looks all right," causing Kathlyn to say : — 
"A man thinks all dust stays outdoors." 
Though marrying off a girl in church is a 
big proposition, it can't discount, in important data, 
doing a similar act in a parlor; for, as a parlor is 
a mighty small room in comparison with a church, 
you can't point to an inch of it that won't do its 
small part on such an occasion; so a woman will 

[ 141 ] 

G A D S B Y 

find about a thousand spots in which to put tacks 
from which to run strings holding floral chains 
sprays, or small lights. So Gadsby, Bill and Julius 
with armfuls of string and mouthfuls of tacks, nor 
only put in hours at pounding said tacks, but an 
occasional vigorous word told that a thumb was 
substituting! But what man wouldn't gladly bang 
his thumb, or bark his shins on a wobbly stool, to 
aid so charming a girl as Kathlyn? And, on that 
most romantically important of all days!! 

Anyway, that day's night finally cast its 
soft shadows on Branton Hills. Night, with its 
twinkling stars, its lightning-bugs, and its call for 
girls' most glorious wraps; and youths' "swallow- 
tails", and tall silk hats, — is Cupid's own; lacking 
but organ music to turn it into Utopia. 

And was Gadsby's mansion lit up from 
porch to roof? No. Only that parlor and a room 
or two upstairs, for wraps, mascarra, a final hair- 
quirk, a dab of lip-stick; for Kathlyn, against all 
forms of "vain display," said: — 

"I'm only going to marry a man; not put 
on a circus for all Branton Hills." 

"All right, darling," said Gadsby, "you shall 
marry in a pitch dark room if you wish; for, as 
you say, a small, parlor affair is just as binding as 

[ 142 ] 

G A D S B Y 

a big church display. It's only your vows that 

So but a small group stood lovingly in Gads- 
by's parlor, as Parson Brown brought into unity 
Kathlyn and John. Kathlyn was radiantly happy; 
and John, our famous organist, was as happy with 
only charming Sarah Young at an upright piano, 
as any organist in a big choir loft. 

But to Lady Gadsby and His Honor, this 
was, in a way, a sad affair; for that big mansion 
now had lost two of its inhabitants; and, as many 
old folks know, a vast gap, or chasm thus forms, 
backward across which flit happy visions of laugh- 
ing, romping, happy girlhood; happy hours around 
a sitting room lamp; and loving trips in night's 
small hours to a room or two, just to know that a 
small girl was all right, or that a big girl was not 
in a draft. But, though marrying off a girl will 
bring such a vacancy, that happy start out into a 
world throbbing with vitality and joy, can allay a 
bit of that void in a big mansion, or a small cabin. 
A birth, a tooth, a growth, a mating; and, again a 
birth, a tooth, and so on. Such is that mighty Law, 
which was laid down on that first of all days; and 
which will control Man, animal, and plant until that 
last of all nights. 

So it was first Nancy, and now Kathlyn; 
[ 143 ] 

G A D S B Y 

and Branton Hills' gossips thought of Bill and 
Julius, with whom many a young, romantic maid 
would gladly sit in a wistaria-drooping arbor on 
a warm, moon-lit night; flighty maids with Bill 
adoring his high class social gossip ; studious maids 
with Julius, finding much to think about in his prac- 
tical talks on physics, zoology, and natural history. 
But Bill and Julius had shown no liability of biting 
at any alluring bait on any matrimonial hook; and 
Gadsby, winking knowingly, would say: — 

"Bill is too frivolous, just now; and Julius 
too busy at our Hall of Natural History. But just 
wait until Dan Cupid starts shooting again, and 
watch things whiz!" 

[ 144 ] 


Sarah, walking along 
past City Park on a raw, cold night, found a tiny, — 
oh so tiny, — puppy, whining, shaking and crying 
with cold. Picking up that small bunch of baby- 
hood, Sarah was in quandary as just what to do; 
but Priscilla Standish, coming along, said: — 

"Oh! Poor baby!! Who owns him, 

"I don't know; but say! Wouldn't your 
Ma " 

"My Ma would!.' Bring him along, and 
wrap your cloak around him . It's awfully cold for 
so young a puppy." 

So Lady Standish, with that "back-yard 
zoo" soon had his quaking babyship lapping good 
warm milk, and a stumpy tail wagging as only a 
tiny puppy's stumpy tail can wag. Along towards 
six o'clock a vigorous pounding on Lady Standish's 
front door brought Priscilla, to find Old Bill Simp- 
kins with a tiny, wildly sobbing girl of about four. 
Walking into Lady Standish's parlor, Simpkins 
said : — 

"This kid has lost a-a-a-crittur ; I think it 
was a pup, wasn't it, kid?" 

[ H5 ] 

G A D S B Y 

A vigorous up and down bobbing of a small 
shock of auburn hair. 

"So," said Simpkins, "I thought it might 
show up in your back-yard gang." 

"It has, Bill, you old grouch! 7" for Lady 
Standish, as about all of Branton Hills' grown-ups 
was in school with Bill. "It's all right, now, and 
warm and cuddly. Don't cry, Mary darling. Pris- 
cilla will bring in your puppy." 

As that happy baby sat crooning to that pup- 
py, also a baby, Old Bill had to snort out : — 

"Huh ! A lot of fuss about a pup, I'll say !" 

"Oh, pooh-pooh, Bill Simpkins!" said Lady 
S. "Why shouldn't a child croon to a puppy? Folks 
bring all kinds of animals to my back yard, if sick 
or hurt. Want to walk around my zoo?" 

"No!! No zoos for Councilman Simpkins! 
Animals ain't worth so much fuss !" 

"Pshaw, Bill! You talk ridiculously! I 
wish you could know of about half of my works. 
I want to show you a big Angora cat. A dog bit its 
foot so I put a balm on it and wound it with cotton 

"You put balm on a cat's foot ! ! Bahf 
But Lady Standish didn't mind Old Bill's 
ravings having known him so long; so said: — 

[ 146 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Oh, how's that old corn of yours? Can't 
I put a balm " 

"No! You cannot! Mary, bring your pup; 
I'm going along." 

As a happy tot was passing out that big, 
kindly front door, Sarah said : — 

"Was Councilman Simpkins always so 
grouchy, Lady Standish?" 

"No. Not until John Gadsby 'cut him out' 
and won Lady Gadsby." 

"Aha!! And a Ho, Ho!!" said Sarah, 
laughing gayly. "So folks had what you call 'af- 
fairs' way back, just as today !" and also laughing 
inwardly, at what Lucy had said about this kindly 
Lady Standish and His Honor. 

Ah ! That good old schoolday, now so long 
past ! How it bobs up, now-a-days, if you watch a 
young lad and a happy, giggling lass holding hands 
or laughing uproariously at youthful witticisms. 
And how diaphanous and almost imaginary that 
far-back day looks, if that girl with whom you stood 
up and said "I do," laughs, if you try a bit of 
romantic kissing, and says : — 

"Why, John ! How silly ! You act actually 
childish ! !" 

^ ^n ^h ^h 

And now it won't do any harm to hark back 
t 147 J 

G A D S B Y 

a bit on this history, to find how our big Night 
School is doing. Following that first graduation 
day, many and many a child, and adult, too, had put 
in hours on various nights; and if you visit it you 
will find almost as many forms of instruction going 
on as you will find pupils; for thousands of folks 
today know of topics which, with a bit of study 
could turn out profitably. Now Branton Hills had 
as you know, built this school for public instruction ; 
and, as with all such institutions, visiting days oc- 
cur. And what a display of goods and workman- 
ship! And what bright, happy pupils, standing 
proudly back of it! For mankind knows hardly a 
joy which will surpass that of approval of his work. 

Gadsby's party first took in a wood-working 
shop; finding small stands which fit so happily into 
many a living room nook; book racks for walls or 
floor; moth-proof bins, smoking stands, many with 
fancy uprights or inlaid tops; high chairs for tiny 
tots; arm chairs for old folks; cribs, tobacco humi- 
dors, stools, porch and lawn swings, ballbats, roll- 
ing pins, mixing boards ; in fact about anything that 
a man can fashion from wood. 

As an indication of practical utility coming 
from such public instruction, a man told Gadsby : — 

"I didn't know much about wood-working 
tools until I got into this class. This thing I am 

[ 148 ] 

G A D S B Y 

making would cost about thirty dollars to buy, but 
a ll it cost, so far, is two dollars and a half, for 
wood and glass," which Gadsby thought was worth 
knowing about; as so many of his Council had put 
forth so many complaints against starting such a 
school without charging for instruction. In an ad- 
joining room His Honor's party found boys bang- 
ing and pounding happily; and, if you should ask, 
— noisily, — on brasswork: making bowls, trays, 
lamp standards, photograph stands, book supports 
and similar artistic things. Across from that was a 
blacksmith shop, with its customary flying sparks 
and sizzling cooling-vats. 

But, by going upstairs, away from all this 
din, Gadsby, humming happily, found Sarah and 
Lucy, Nancy and Kathlyn amidst a roomful of 
girls doing dainty fancy-work. And what astonish- 
ing ability most of that group did show! Nancy 
bought a baby-cap which was on a par with any- 
thing in Branton Hills' shops ; and though Kathlyn 
said it was "just too cunning for anything", John 
Smith's bungalow didn't contain anybody (just 
now!) whom it would fit. 

But Lady Gadsby, with a party of Branton 
Hills matrons, was calling for Gadsby to hurry 
down a long corridor to a loom-room, saying that 
such dainty rugs, mats and scarfs of cotton and 

[ 149 ] 

G A D S B Y 

silk hung all around on walls or racks, it was truly 
astonishing that girls could do such first-class 
work, having had long hours of labor in Broad- 
way's shops all day. 

Although most of our standard occupations 
found room for activity, an occasional oddity was 
run across. So His Honor's party found two boys 
and two girls working at that always fascinating 
art of glass-blowing. And what a dainty trick it is ! 
And what an opportunity to burn a thumb or two, 
if you don't wait for things to cool! Things of 
charming form and fragility, grow as by a magic- 
ian's wand, from small glass tubings of various 
colors. Birds with glorious wings, ships of crystal 
sailing on dark billows, tiny buildings in a thick 
glass ball which upon agitation, stirs up a snow- 
storm which softly lands on pink roof-tops ; many a 
fancy drinking glass and bowl, oil lamps, ash trays, 
and gaudy strings of tiny crystal balls for adorn- 
ing party gowns. And did Nancy want to buy out 
this shop? And did Frank doubt his ability to do 
so? And did Kathlyn ask: "How about it, John- 
ny?" and did John Smith say: "Nothing doing"? 
It was just that. But it only shows that good old 
Branton Hills' inclination for aiding anything 
which looks worthy; and such a school I know you 
will admit, looks that way. 

[ 150] 

G A D S B Y 

Tramping upstairs, still again, Gadsby and 
party found a class so varying from all downstairs 
aS to bring forth murmurs of joy, for this was 
known as "Music Floor"; upon which was taught 
all forms of that most charming of all arts — from 
solo work to community singing, from solitary vio- 
lin pupil to a full brass band. On our party's ar- 
rival, Lucy, Doris and Virginia, hurrying from 
classrooms, sang, in trio, that soft, slow Italian 
song, "O Solo Mio;" and, as Gadsby proudly said, 
"Not for many a day had such music rung out in 
Branton Hills;" for most girls, if in training with 
a practical vocalist, can sing; and most charmingly, 

In a far room was a big string outfit of ban- 
jos, mandolins and guitars, happily strumming out 
a smart, throbbing Spanish fandango, until His 
Honor could not avoid a swinging of body and tap- 
ping of foot; causing Lady Gadsby to laugh, say- 

"Rhythm has a mighty grip on Zulus, I am 

To which our swaying Mayor said: — 

"Anyway, a Zulu has a lot of fun out of it. 
If singing, playing and dancing could only crowd 
out sitting around and moping, folks would find 

[ 151 ] 


that a Zulu can hand us a tip or two on happy lj v . 

But all music is not of string form; so, in a 
big auditorium, our party found a full brass band 
of about fifty boys, with a man from Branton Hills' 
Municipal Band as instructor. Now as Gadsby was, 
as you boys say, "not at all bad" on a big bass horn 
in his youthful days, this band instructor, think- 
ing of it, was asking him to "sit it" and play. So, 
as Lady Gadsby, two girls, and two sons-in-law sat 
smiling and giggling in a front row, and as fifty 
boys could hardly play, from laughing, that big 
horn got such a blasting that it was practically a 
horn solo ! And Nancy, doubling up from giggling, 
said : — 

"D-d-daddy! If-f-f-f B-b-b-barnum's dr- 
oit hits town, you must join its cl-cl-clown band!" 

But I had to rush this happy party out of 
that building, as an awful thing was occurring but a 
block from it; which told its own story by a lurid 
light, flashing through windows; clanging gongs, 
shrilling horns and running, shouting crowds; for 
an old, long-vacant factory building just across 
from City Hall, was blazing furiously. Rushing 
along Broadway was that "motor thing," with 
Clancy and Dowd clinging wildly on a running 

[ 152] 

G A D S B Y 

board. Pulling up at a hydrant, Clancy said to 
His Honor: — 

"As I was a-hangin' onto this dom thing, 
a-thinkin' it was going to bang into a big jam at 
two crossroads, I says, 'By Gorra ! that big pair of 
blacks wouldn't bang into nut kin ! But this cur- 
razy contraption ! It ain't got no brain — no nuth- 
in', no soul — nuthin' but halitosis ! !" 

As Gadsby took a long look at Clancy's 
"dom thing," a vision was wafting through his 
mind of a calm, sunny patch of land, way out in 
Branton Hills' suburbs, on which day by day, two 
big blacks and two big roans could — anyway, tak- 
ing all things into account, a big conflagration, with 
its din, rush and panic, is no spot for such animals 
as "Big Four." As for Old Bill's squawk about 
animals "ruining our paving," Gadsby thought that 
was but small talk, for paving, anyway, can't last 
for long. But, that is a glorious spot, way out 
amongst our hills! 

Gadsby took his party to a room in City Hall 
from which that burning factory was in plain 
sight; and as Nancy and Kathlyn stood watching 
that awful sight a big wall, crashing down, had a 
crowd rushing to that spot. 

A man's form was brought out to a patrol 
[ 153 ] 

G A D S B Y 

wagon; and a boy, rushing past City Hall, sang 
out to Gadsby : — 

"It's Old Man Donaldson!!" 

Tiny Nancy, almost swooning, said: — 

"Donaldson? Oh, Kathy! That's Lucy's 
Dad, of Company Two, you know !" and Frank and 
John Smith shot wildly downstairs to find out about 
it. In an instant a sobbing girlish form was dash- 
ing madly from that Night School building to- 
wards our Municipal Hospital. It was Lucy; 
bright, always laughing Lucy; but half an hour ago 
singing so happily in that girls' trio. 

As that big factory was still blazing furious- 
ly, Frank and John, coming in, said : — 

"It was only a scalp wound, and a sprung 
wrist. Lucy is coming upstairs, now." 

Lucy, coming in, badly blown from running 
and fright, said: — 

"That wall caught Daddy ; but it was so old 
and thin it didn't crush him. Oh ! How I worry 
if that alarm rings !" 

"But," put in Nancy, "it's mans work. 
Pshaw!! What good am If Why, I couldn't do 
a thing around that factory, right now! Look at 
my arm ! About as big as a ball bat !" and as Frank 
took that sad, tiny form in his arms, Gadsby said : — 

"All throughout Natural History, Nancy, 
[ 154 ] 

G A D S B Y 

you will find man built big and strong, and woman 
small and frail. That is so that man can obtain food 
for his family, and that woman may nourish his off- 
spring. But today, I am sorry to say, you'll find 
girls working hard, in gymnasiums, fondly hoping 
to attain man's muscular parity. How silly ! ! It's 
going straight against all natural laws. Girls can 
find a lot of bodily good in gymnasiums, I'll admit ! 
but not that much. And as for your 'ball-bat' arm, 
as you call it, what of it? You'd look grand, now 
wouldn't you, with Frank's big oak-branch arms 
hanging way down to your shins. But that ball-bat 
arm can curl around your tiny baby as softy as a 
down pillow. Aw, darling! Don't say you can't 
do anything; for / know you can. How about our 

old Organization of Youth days? You, " 

And Nancy, now laughing, said, gaily: — 
"Oho ! Our old Organization ! What fun 
it was! But, Daddy, I don't know of any young 
crowd following us up." 

"No. Our young folks of today think such 
things too much work;" and, as that old factory 
was but a mass of ruins now, and midnight was 
approaching, Gadsby's family was soon in that 
mythical Land of Nod, in which no horns blow, no 
sparks fall ; only occasionally a soft gurgling from 
a crib in Nancy's bungalow. 

[ 155 ] 


It is an odd kink of hu- 
manity which cannot find any valuation in spots 
of natural glory. But such kinks do run riot in 
Man's mind, occasionally, and Branton Hills ran 
up against such, on a Council night; for a bill was 
brought up by Old Bill Simpkins for disposal of City 
Park to a land company, for building lots ! At first 
word of such a thought, Gadsby was totally dumb, 
from an actual impossibility of thinking that any 
man, bringing up such a bill, wasn't plumb crazy ! 

"What! Our main Park; including our 

"Just that," said Simpkins. "Just a big 
patch of land, and a foolish batch of animals that 
do nobody any good. You can't hitch a lion up to a 
city dump cart, you know ; nor a hippopotamus to a 
patrol wagon. What good is that bunch of hair 
and horns, anyway? And that park! Bah!! Just 
grass, grass, grass! Branton Hills pays for plant- 
ing that grass, pays for sprinkling it, pays for cut- 
ting it — and throws it away! So I say, put it into 
building lots, and draw good, solid cash from it." 

An Italian Councilman, Tony Bandamita, 
[ 156 ] 


was actually boiling during this outburst; and, in 
a flash, as Simpkins quit, was up, shouting: — 

"I gotta four bambinos. My bambinos playa 
in thatta park: run, jumpa and rolla. Grow bigga 
an' strong. My woman say no coulda do thatta if 
playa all day on bricka walks. I say no buncha 
land sharks buya thatta Park ! ! How many you 
guys go to it, anyway ? Huh ? Notta many ! But 
go!! Walk around; sniffa its blossoms; look at 
grand busha ; sit on sof ta grass ! You do thatta, 
an' / know you not stick no building on it ! !" 

So, at Mayor Gadsby's instigation, Council 
did not ballot on Simpkins' bill; and said it would 
go, as Tony thought only right, and "look atta 
gooda busha." 

In a day or two this pompous body of solons 
was strolling about that big park. No man with 
half a mind could fail to thrill at its vistas of 
shrubs, ponds, lawns, arbors, fancy fowl, small 
pavilions and curving shady pathways. As Gadsby 
was "takinga his owna looka," Old Bill Simpkins, 
coming a-snorting and a-fussing along, sang out, 
gruffly : — 

"All right; this is it! This is that grand 
patch of grass that pays Branton Hills no tax !" 

But Gadsby was thinking — and thinking 
hard, too. Finally saying: — 

[ 157 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Bill, supposing that any day you should 
walk along that big Pathway known in Sunday 
School as 'Our Straight But Narrow Way.' You 
would find coming towards you, all sorts of folks: 
a king, roaring past in his big chariot, a capitalist 
with his hands full of bonds, an old, old lady, on a 
crutch. Such passings would bring to you various 
thoughts. But, supposing it was a possibility that 
you saw Bill Simpkins coming your way. Aha! 
What an opportunity to watch that grouchy old — " 

"That zvhat?" 

"I'll say it again: that grouchy old crab. 
How you would gawk at him, that most important 
of all folks, to you. How you would look at his 
clothing, his hat, his boots ! That individual would 
pass an inquiry such as you had not thought it a 
possibility to put a man up against. Bill, I think 
that if you should pass Councilman Simpkins on 
that Big Pathway, you would say : 'What a grouchy 
old crittur that was!" 

Old Bill stood calmly during this oration, 
and, looking around that big park, said : — 

"John, you know how to talk, all right, all 
right. I'll admit that things you say do do a lot of 
good around this town. But if I should run across 
this guy you talk about, on that vaporous highway, 
or 'boardwalk', as / should call it, — I'd say, right 

[ 158 ] 

G A D S B Y 

out good and loud: "Hi! You!! Hurry back to 
Branton Hills and put up a block of buildings in 
that silly park !" and Gadsby, walking away, saw 
that an inborn grouch is as hard to dig out as a wis- 
dom tooth. 

Now this Council's visit on this particular 
day, was a sly plan of Gadsby's, for His Honor is, 
you know, Youth's Champion, and having known 
many an occasion on which Youth has won out 
against Council opposition. So, our big City of- 
ficials, strolling around that park, soon saw a 
smooth lawn upon which sat, stood, or ran, almost 
a thousand small tots of from four to six. In 
dainty, flimsy outfits, many carrying fairy wands, 
it was a sight so charming as to thaw out a brass 
idol ! Amidst this happy party stood a tall shaft, 
or mast, having hanging from its top a thick bunch 
of long ribbons, of pink, lilac, gray, and similar 
dainty colors; and around it stood thirty tots — 
thirty tiny fists all agog to grasp thirty gay ribbons. 
Old Bill took a look, and said, growlingly, to His 
Honor : — 

"What's all this stuff, anyway?" 

"Bill, and Branton Hills' Council," said 

Gadsby, "today is May Day — that day so symbolic 

of budding blossoms, mating birds and sunny sky. 

You all know, or ought to, of that charming custom 

[ 159 [ 

G A D S B Y 

of childhood of toddling round and round a tall mast 
in and out, in and out, — thus winding gay ribbons 
about it in a spiral. That is but a small part of 
what this Park can do for Branton Hills. But it 
is an important part; for happy childhood grows 
up into happy adults, and happy adults" — looking 
right at Councilman Simpkins — "can form a happy 
City Council." 

Now a kid is always a kid ; and a kid knows 
just how any sport should go. So, just by luck, a tot 
who was to hold a gay ribbon didn't show up; and 
that big ring stood waiting, for that round-and- 
round march just couldn't start with a ribbon hang- 
ing down! But a kid's mind is mighty quick and 
sharp; and a small tot of four had that kind of 
mind, saying: — 

"Oh! That last ribbon! Isn't anybody go- 
ing to hold it?" 

Now historians shouldn't laugh. Historians 
should only put down what occurs. But I, your 
historian of Branton Hills, not only had to laugh, 
but to roar; for this tot, worrying about that hang- 
ing ribbon, saw our big pompous Council group 
looking on. Now a Council is nothing to a tot of 
four ; just a man or two, standing around. So, trot- 
ting up and grasping Old Bill's hand, this tot said: 

"You 11 hold it, won't you?" 
t 160 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"What!!" and Simpkins was all colors on 
throat and brow as Branton Hills' Council stood, 
grinning. But that baby chin was straining up, 
and a pair of baby arms was pulling, oh, so hard; 
and, in a sort of coma, big, pompous, grouchy 
Councilman Simpkins took that hanging ribbon ! 
A band struck up a quick march, and round and 
round trod that happy, singing ring, with Old Bill 
looming up as big as a mountain amongst its foot- 
hills! Laugh? I thought His Honor would burst! 

As that ribbon spiral got wound, Simpkins, 
coming back, said, with a growl: — 

"I was afraid I would tramp on a kid or 
two in that silly stunt." 

"It wasn't silly, Bill," said Gadsby. "It was 
grand!" And Tony Bandamita sang out: — 

"Gooda work, Councilmanna ! My four 
bambinos walka right in fronta you, and twista 
ribbons !" 

Simpkins, though, would only snort, and 
pass on. 

[ 161 ] 


On a warm Sunday, 
Kathlyn and Julius, poking around in Branton Hills' 
suburbs, occasionally found an odd formation of 
fossilization, installing it amidst our Hall of 
Natural History's displays. Shortly following 
such an installation, a famous savant on volcanic 
activity noting a most propitious rock formation 
amongst Julius' groups, thought of cutting into it; 
for ordinary, most prosaic rocks may contain sur- 
prising information ; and, upon arriving at Branton 
Hills' railway station, ran across old Pat Ryan, 
czar of its trunk room. 

"Ah, my man ! I want to find a lapidary." 

"A what?" 

"It isn't a 'what,' it's a lapidary." 

"Lapidary, is it? Lapidary, lapidary, lapi — 
lapi— la— . No, I " 

Now this savant was in a hurry, and said, 
snappily : — 

"But a city as big as Branton Hills has a 
lapidary, I trust!" 

"Oh, Branton Hills has a lot of things. But, 
wait a bit! It ain't a lavatory what you want, is 

[ 162 ] 

G A D S B Y 

But at this instant, to old Pat's salvation, 
Kathlyn, passing by, said : — 

"All right, Pat. I know about this;" and, 
both taking a taxi, old Pat walking round and 
round, scratching his bald crown, was murmuring: 

"Lapid Aho! I got it! It's probably a 

crittur up at that zoo! I ain't forgot that hop, 
skip and jump, walloping Australian tornado ! And 
now His Honor has put in a lapidary ! ! I think I'll 
go up with that old canvas bag ! But why all sich 
high-brow stuff in naming critturs? This lapidary 
thing might turn out only a rat, or a goofy bug !" 

But that fairy bug, Dan Cupid, goofy or not, 
as you wish, was buzzing around again ; and, though 
this story is not of wild, romantic infatuations, in 
which rival villains fight for a fair lady's hand, I 
am bound to say that Cupid has put on an act vary- 
ing much from his works in Gadsby's mansion ; for 
this arrow from his bow caught two young folks 
to whom a dollar bill was as long, broad and high 
as City Hall. Both had to work for a living; but 
by saving a bit, off and on, Sarah Young, who, you 
know, with Priscilla Standish first thought of our 
Night School, and Paul Johnson, who did odd jobs 
around town, such as caring for lawns, painting 
and "man-of-all-work," had put by a small bank 
account. Paul was an orphan, as was Sarah, who 

[ 163 ] 

G A D S B Y 

had grown up with a kindly old man, Tom Young- 
his "old woman," dying at about Sarah's fourth 
birthday. (That word "old woman," is common 
amongst Irish folks, and is not at all ungracious. 
It had to crawl into this story, through orthograph- 
ical taboos, you know.) But Sarah, now a grown 
young lady, had that natural longing for a spot in 
which a woman might find that joy of living, in 
having "things to do for just us two" if bound by 
Cupid's gift — matrimony. 

Many a day in passing that big church of 
Nancy's grand display, or Gadsby's rich mansion, 
Sarah had thought fondly about such things; for, 
as with any girl, marrying amidst blossoms, glamour 
and organ music was a goal, to attain which was 
actual bliss. But such rituals call for cash; and 
lots of it, too. Also, Old Tom Young had no room 
in any way fit for such an occasion. 

So Sarah would walk past, possibly a bit 
sad, but looking forward to a coming happy day. 
And it wasn't so far off. My, no ! As Nancy had 
thought April was "a million months long," Sarah's 
days swung past in a dizzy whirl ; during which, in 
company with Paul on Saturday nights, a small 
thing or two was happily bought for that "Cupid's 
Coop," as both found a lot of fun in calling it. But 
Sarah naturally had girl chums, just as Nancy and 

[ 164 ] 

D S B 

jCathlyn had; for most of that old Organization 
was still in town; and many a gift found its way 
to this girl who, though poor in worldly goods, was 
a s rich as old King Midas in a bright, happy dis- 
position; for anybody who didn't know that magic 
captivation of Sarah Young's laugh, that rich 
crown of light, fluffy hair, or that grand, proud, 
upright walk, wasn't amongst Branton Hills' popu- 
lation. Paul, scratching around shady paths, a 
potato patch or two, front yards, back yards, and 
city parks, was known to many an old family man; 
who upon knowing of his coming variation in liv- 
ing conditions, thought way, way back to his own 
romantic youth; so Paul, going to Sarah at night, 
brought small but practical gifts for that "coop." 

As Sarah and Paul stood in front of City 
Hall on a hot July night, Sarah scanning Branton 
Hills' "Post" for "vacant rooms," who should walk 
up but His Honor ! And that kindly hand shot out 
with : — 

"Aha! If it isn't Paul and Sarah! What's 
Sarah hunting for, Paul?" 

"Sarah is looking for a room for us, sir." 

"Us? Did you say 'us'? Oho! H-mmm! 
I'm on! How soon will you want it?" 

"Oh," said Sarah, blushing, "not for about 
a month." 

[ 165 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"But," said His Honor, "you shouldn't start 
out in a room. You would want from four to six 
I should think." 

Sarah, still ogling that "rooms" column 
said, softly: — 

"Four to six rooms? That's just grand if 
you can afford such. But, " 

"Wait!" said Gadsby, who, taking Paul's 
and Sarah's arms, and strolling along, told of a 
small six-room bungalow of his, just around from 

"And you two will pay just nothing a month 
for it. It's yours, from front porch to roof top, as 
a gift to two of my most loyal pals." 

And instantly a copy of Branton Hills' 
"Post" was blowing across Broadway in a fluky 
July wind ! 

Now, as this young pair was to start out 
frugally, it wouldn't do to lay out too much for, 
as Sarah said, "about forty words by a pastor, and 
a kiss." 

So only Priscilla stood up with Sarah; and 
Bill Gadsby, in all his sartorial glory, with Paul, in 
Parson Brown's small study; both girls in dainty 
morning clothing; Sarah carrying a bunch of gay 
nasturtiums, claiming that such warm, bright col- 
orings would add as much charm to that short oc- 

[ 166 ] 

G A D S B Y 

casion as a thousand dollars' worth of orchids. 
Now, such girls as Sarah, with that capacity for 
finding satisfaction so simply, don't grow as abun- 
dantly as hollyhocks — and Paul found that Gads- 
by's old Organization was a group knowing what 
a dollar is: just a dollar. 

[ 167 ] 


Occasionally a sight 
bobs up without warning in a city, which starts a 
train of thought, sad or gay, according to how you 
look at it. And so, Lucy, Priscilla, and Virginia 
Adams, walking along Broadway, saw a crowd 
around a lamp post, upon which was a patrol-box; 
and, though our girls don't customarily follow up 
such sights, Lucy saw a man's form sprawling 
flat up against that post, as limp as a rag. Pris- 
cilla said, in disgust : — 

"Ugh!! It's Norman Antor! Drunk 
again!!" and Virginia, hastily grasping both girls' 
arms and hurrying past, said: — 

"So!! His vacation in jail didn't do him 
any good! But, still, it's too bad. Norman is a 
good looking, manly lad, with a good mind and a 
thorough schooling. And now look at him! A 
common drunk! 7" 

Priscilla was sad, too, saying: — 

"Awful! Awful for so young a chap. 
What is his Dad doing now?" 

"Still in jail," was all Virginia could say; 
adding sadly: "I do pity poor young Mary, who 
sold Antor's liquor, you know. Doris says that 

[ 168 ] 

G A D S B Y 

lots of school-girls snub that kid. Now that's not 
right. It's downright horrid! Mary was brought 
up in what you almost might call a pool of liquor, 
and I don't call it fair to snub a child for that ; for 
you know that, not only 'Past' Councilman Antor, 
but also Madam Antor, got what our boys call 'lit- 
up' on many public occasions. Antor's pantry was 
full of it! Which way could that poor kid look 
without finding it? You know Mary is not so old 
as most of us; and I'm just going to go to that 
child and try to bring a ray of comfort into that 
young mind. That rum-guzzling Antor family!! 


* * * * 

But a city also has amusing sights ; and our 
trio ran plump into that kind, just around a turn; 
for, standing on a soap box, shouting a high- 
sounding jargon of rapidly shot words, was Ar- 
thur Rankin, an original Organization lad; a 
crowd of boys, a man or two, and a woman hang- 
ing laughingly around. Our trio's first inkling as 
to what it was all about was Arthur's hail to Pris- 
cilla : — 

"Aha! Branton Hills' fair womanhood is 
now approaching!!" 

Now if our trio didn't know Arthur so 
thoroughly, such girls might balk at this pub- 

[ 169 ] 

G A D S B Y 

licity. But Priscilla and Arthur had had many 
a "slapping match" long ago, arising from child- 
hood's spats; Priscilla originally living on an ad- 
joining lot, and was Arthur's "first girl;" which 
according to his old Aunt Anna, "was just silly 
puppy stuff !" So nobody thought anything of this 
public hail and Arthur was raving on about "which 
puts an instant stop to all pain ; will rid you of any- 
thing from dandruff to ingrowing nails; will build 
up a strong body from a puny runt; will grow hair 
on a billiard-ball scalp, and taboo it on a lady's chin; 
will put a glamorous gloss on tooth or nail; stop 
stomach growls ; oil up kinky joints, and bring you 
to happy, smiling days of Utopian bliss! How 
many, Priscilla ? Only a dollar a box ; two for dol- 
lar-sixty !" 

Priscilla, laughing, said: — 

"Not any today, thank you, Art ! All I want 
is a pair of juicy lamb chops — a dish of onions 
— a dish of squash — a dish of carrots — a pint of 
milk — potato-chips — hot biscuits — cold slaw — cus- 
tard pudding — nuts — raisins " 

"Whoa, Priscilla! Hop right up on this 
box ! I know that word-slinging ability of old" and 
as that crowd was fading away, Priscilla said: — 

"This is odd work for you, Arthur; you so 
good a draughtsman. What's up?" 

[ 170 ] 

G A D S B Y 

And Arthur, a happy, rollicking boy, having 
always had all such things as most boys had, with 
a Dad making good pay as a railroad conductor, 
told sadly of an awful railway smash-up which 
took "Dad" away from four small Rankin orphans, 
whom Arthur was now supporting; and a scarcity 
of jobs in Branton Hills and of trips to surround- 
ing towns, always finding that old sign out: "No 
Work Today." Of this soap box opportunity bob- 
bing up, which was now bringing in good cash. So 
our girls found that our Branton Hills boys didn't 
shirk work of any kind, if brought right up against 

[ 171 ] 


But what about Bran- 
ton Hills' municipal affairs, right now? In two 
months it was to ballot on who should sit in past- 
Councilman Antor's chair ; and a campaign was on 
which was actually sizzling. And in what a con- 
trast to our city's start ! For it has grown rapidly ; 
and, in comparison to that day upon which a thous- 
and ballots was a big out-pouring of popular clamor 
now many politicians had City Hall aspirations. 
And who do you think was running for Council, 
now? William Gadsby! Popularly known as Bill! 
Bill, Branton Hills' famous dandy; Bill, that con- 
summation of all Branton Hills girls' most roman- 
tic wish; Bill, that "outdoor part" of Branton Hills' 
most aristocratic tailor shop! Naturally, opposing 
groups fought for that vacancy; part of our popu- 
lation clamoring loudly for Bill, but with many just 
as strongly against him. So it was: — 

"Put Bill Gadsby in ! ! Bill has all our May- 
or's good points ! Bill will work for all that is up- 
right and good!" 

And also: — 

"What! Bill Gadsby? Is this town plumb 
crazy? Say! If you put that fop in City Hall 

t 172 ] 

G A D S B Y 

you'll find all its railings flapping with pink satin 
ribbons ; a janitor at its main door, squirting vanil- 
la on all who go in ; and its front lawn will turn in- 
to a pansy farm! Put a man in City Hall, not a 
sissy who thinks out 'upsy-downsy, insy-outsy' 
camping suits for girls !" 

But though this didn't annoy Bill, it did stir 
up Nancy, with: — 

"Oh! That's just an abomination! Such 
talk about so grand a young chap! But I just saw 
a billboard with a sign saying: 'Bill Gadsby for 
Council;' so, probably I shouldn't worry, for Bill 
is as good as in." 

"Baby," said Gadsby, kindly, "that's only a 
billboard, and billboards don't put a man in City 
Hall. It's ballots, darling; thousands of ballots, 
that fill Council chairs." 

"But, Daddy, I'm going to root for Bill. 
I'll stand up on a stump, or in a tip-cart, or " 

"Whoa ! Wait a bit !" and Gadsby sat down 
by his "baby girl," saying: "You can't go on a 
stumping campaign without knowing a lot about 
municipal affairs ; which you don't. Any antagonist 
who knows about such things would out-talk you 
without half trying. No, darling, this political stuff 
is too big for you. You just look out for things in 
that small bungalow of yours, and allow Branton 

[ 173 ] 

G A D S B Y 

Hills to fight to put Bill in. You know my old 
slogan : — 'Man at a city's front ; woman at a cabin 
door.' " 

And Nancy, fondly stroking his hand, said: 

"Man at a city's front ! What a grand post 
for a man! A city, a big, rushing, dashing, slam- 
ming, banging, boiling mass of humanity! A city; 
with its bright, happy, sunny parks; and its sad, 
dark slums; its rich mansions and its shanty-town 
shacks ; its shops, inns, shows, courts, airports, rail- 
way stations, hospitals, schools, church groups, 
social clubs, and, — and, — Oh! What a magic vis- 
ualization of human thought it is! But it is as a 
small child. It looks for a strong arm to support 
its first toddlings; for adult minds to pilot it around 
many pitfalls; and onward, onward!! To a shining 
goal ! !" and Nancy's crown of rich brown hair sank 
lovingly in Gadsby's lap. 

During this outburst Gadsby had sat dumb; 
but finally saying, proudly: — 

"So, ho ! My baby girl has grown up ! Dolls 
and sand-digging tools don't call, as of old. And 
small, dirty paws, and a tiny smudgy chin, trans- 
form, almost in a twinkling into charming hands 
and a chin of maturity. My, my! It was but a 
month or two ago that you, in pig-tails and ging- 
ham " 

[ 174] 

D S B 

"No, Daddy! It was a mighty long month 
r two ago ; and it's not pig-tails and gingham, now, 
but a husband and a baby." 

"All right, kid; but as you grow old, you'll 
find that, in glancing backwards, months look 
mighty short; and small tots grow up, almost in a 
night. A month from now looks awfully far off; 
but last month? Pff! That was only last night!" 

Thus did Nancy and His Honor talk, until 
a vigorous honking at his curb told of Frank, 
"looking for a cook," for it was six o'clock. 

[ 175 ] 


Any man with so kind- 
ly a disposition toward Youth as has brought our 
Mayor forward in Branton Hills' history, may, 
without warning, run across an occasion which 
holds an opportunity for adding a bit of joy in liv- 
ing. So, as Gadsby stood, on a chilly fall day, in 
front of that big glass building which was built for 
a city florist, admiring a charming display of blos- 
soming plants, a small girl, still in Grammar School, 
said, shyly: — 


"Hulloa, you. School out?" 
"On Saturdays, school is always out." 
"That's so; it is Saturday, isn't it? Going 

"In!! My, no! / can't go into that fairy- 

"No? Why not, pray?" 

"Aw! I dunno; but nobody has took kids 
• >> 

"Took? Took? Say, young lady, you must 
study your grammar book. Branton Hills schools 
don't " 

"Uh-huh; I know. But a kid just can't — " 
[ 176 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"By golly! A kid can! Grab my hand." 
Now, many a fairy book has told, in glowing 
words, of childhood's joys and thrills at amazing 
sights; but no fairy book could show, in cold print, 
what Gadsby ran up against as that big door shut, 
and a child stood stock still — and dumb! Two 
small arms hung limply down, against a poor, oh, 
so poor skirt ; and two big staring brown orbs took 
in that vision of floral glory, which is found in just 
that kind of a big glass building on a cold, raw 
autumn day. 

Gadsby said not a word; slowly strolling 
down a path amidst thousands of gladioli; around 
a turn, and up a path, along which stood pots and 
pots of fuchsias, salvias and cannas ; and to a cross- 
path, down which was a big flat pansy patch, tubs 
of blossoming lilacs, and stiff, straight carnations. 
Not a word from Gadsby, for his mind was on that 
small bunch of rapturous joy just in front of him. 
But, finally, just to pry a bit into that baby mind, 
His Honor said: — 

"Looks kind of good, don't it?" 
A tiny form shrunk down about an inch; 
and an also tiny bosom, rising and falling in a 
thralldom of bliss, finally put forth a long, long, — 

[ 177 ] 

G A D S B Y 

It was so long that Gadsby was in a quandary 
as to how such small lungs could hold it. 

Now in watching this tot thrilling at its 
first visit to such a world of floral glory, Gadsby 
got what boys call "a hunch;" and said: — 

"You don't find blossoms in your yard this 
month, do you?" 

If you know childhood you know that 
thrills don't last long without a call for informa- 
tion. And Gadsby got such a call, with: — 

"No, sir. Is this God's parlor?" 

Now Gadsby wouldn't, for anything, spoil 
a childish thought; so said, kindly: — 

"It's part of it. God's parlor is awfully big, 
you know." 

"My parlor is awfully small; and not any 
bloss Oh! Wouldn't God ?" 

Gadsby's hunch was now working, full tilt; 
and so, as this loving family man, having had four 
kids of his own, and this tot from a poor family 
with its "awfully small" parlor, — had trod this big 
glass building's paths again and again; round and 
round, an almost monstrous sigh from an almost 
bursting tiny bosom, said : — 

"I'll think of God's parlor, always and al- 
ways and always!!" and Gadsby, on glancing up- 
wards", saw a distinct drooping and curving of many 

[ 178 ] 

G A D S B Y 

stalks; which is a plant's way of bowing to a child. 
And, at Branton Hills' following Council night a 

motion was But I said Gadsby had a hunch. 

So, not only this schoolgirl's awfully small parlor, 
but many such throughout Branton Hills' poor 
districts, soon found a "big girl" from Gadsby's 
original Organization of Youth at its front door 
with plants from that big glass building, in which 
our City Florist works in God's parlor. (P.S. Go 
with a child to your City Florist's big glass build- 
ing. It's a duty!) 

[ 179 ] 


I AM NOW GOING back to 

my saying that a city has all kinds of goings-on- 
both sad and gay. So, as His Honor sat on his 
porch on a warm spring day, a paragraph in Bran- 
ton Hills' "Post" brought forth such a vigorous 
"Huh!" that Lady Gadsby was curious, asking: — 

"What is it?" 

So Gadsby said: — "What do you think of 
this? It says: — 'In a wild swaying dash down 
Broadway last night at midnight, past-Council- 
man Antor's car hit a hydrant, killing him and 
Madam Antor instantly. Highway Patrolman Har- 
ry Grant, who was chasing that car in from our 
suburbs, says both horribly drunk, Antor graz- 
ing four cars, Madam shouting and singing wildly, 
with Grant arriving too tardily to ward off that 
final crash." 

Now Lady Gadsby was, first of all, a wo- 
man ; and so got up quickly, saying : — 

"Oh ! ! I must go down to poor young Mary, 
right offf and Gadsby sat tapping his foot, say- 

"So Antor's pantry probably still holds that 
stuff. Too bad. But, oh, that darling Mary ! Just 

[ 180 ] 

G A D S B Y 

got into High School! Not long ago Lucy told us 
f girls snubbing that kid; but I trust that, from 
this horror, our Branton Hills girls will turn from 
snubbing to pity. This account says that Madam 
Antor also was drunk. A woman drunk!! And 
riding with a rum-sot man at a car's controls ! Wo- 
man! From History's dawn, Man's soft, fond, lov- 
ing pal! Woman! For whom wars of blood and 
agony cut Man down as you would mow a lawn! 
Woman! To whom infancy and childhood look for 
all that is upright and good ! It's too bad ; too bad !" 

As in all such affairs you will always find 
two factions talking. Taking about what? Just 
now, about Norman Antor. What would this wip- 
ing out of his folks do to him ? Norman was now 
living with Mary and two aunts who, coming from 
out of town, would try to plan for our two orphans ; 
try to plan for Norman; Norman, brought up in a 
pool of liquor ! Norman : tall, dark and manly and 

with a most ingratiating disposition if not 

drunk. But nobody could say. A group would 
claim that "this fatality will bring him out of it;" 
but his antagonists thought that "That guy will al- 
ways drink." 

A day or two from that crash, Nancy, com- 
ing into Gadsby's parlor, found Lucy talking with 
Lady Gadsby, Lucy asking: — 

[ 181 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Nancy, who is with young Mary Antor 
now? That pair of aunts wouldn't stay, with all 
that liquor around." 

"I just found out," said Nancy. "Mary i s 
living with Old Lady Flanagan" and Lucy, though 
sad, had to laugh just a bit, saying : — 

"Ha, ha! Old Lady Flanagan! What a 
circus I had trying to pry a zoo donation from that 
poor soul's skimpy funds ! But, Nancy, Mary is in 
mighty good hands. That loving old Irish lady is 
a trump!" 

[ 182 ] 


Along in April, Gads- 
by sat finishing his morning toast as a boy, rush- 
ing in, put a "Post" on his lap with a wild, boyish 
gasp of: — "My gosh, Mayor Gadsby, Look!!" and 
Gadsby saw a word about a foot high. It was 
W — A — R. Lady Gadsby saw it also, slow- 
ly sinking into a chair. At that instant both Nancy 
and Kathlyn burst frantically in, Nancy lugging 
Baby Lillian, now almost two, and a big load for so 
small a woman , Nancy gasping out : — 

"Daddy ! ! Must Bill and Julius and Frank 
and John, " 

Gadsby put down his "Post" and, pulling 
Nancy down onto his lap, said: — 

"Nancy darling, Bill and Julius and Frank 
and John must. Old Glory is calling, baby, and no 
Branton Hills boy will balk at that call. It's awful, 
but it's a fact, now." 

Lady Gadsby said nothing, but Nancy and 
Kathlyn saw an ashy pallor on that matronly brow ; 
and Gadsby going out without waiting for his custo- 
mary kiss. 

For what you might call an instant, Branton 
Hills, in blank, black gloom, stood stock still. But 

[ 183 ] 

G A D S B Y 

not for long. Days got to flashing past, with that 
awful sight of girls, out to lunch, saying: — 

"Four from our shop; and that big cotton 
mill has forty-six who will go," 

With Virginia saying: — 

"About all that our boys talk about is uni- 
forms, pay, transportation, army corps, divisions, 
naval squadrons, and so on." 

An occasional Branton Hills politician 
thought that it "might blow out in a month or two ;" 
but your Historian knows that it didn't ; all of that 
"blowing" consisting of blasts from that military 
clarion, calling for mobilization. 

* * * 

Days! Days! Days! Finally, on May 
Fourth, that day of tiny Nancy's big church ritual, 
you know; that day, upon which any woman 
would look back with romantic joy, Nancy, with 
Kathlyn, Lady Gadsby and His Honor, stood at 
Branton Hills' big railway station, at which our 
Municipal Band was drawn up; in back of which 
stood, in solid ranks, this city's grand young man- 
hood, Bill, Julius, Frank, John, Paul and Norman 
standing just as straight and rigid as any. As that 
long, long troop train got its signal to start, — but 
you know all about such sights, going on daily, 
from our Pacific coast to Atlantic docks. 

[ 184 ] 

G A D S B Y 

As it shot around a turn, and Gadsby was 
walking sadly toward City Hall, a Grammar School 
boy hurrying up to him said : — 

"Wow!! I wish / could go to war !" 

"Hi !" said Gadsby. "If it isn't Kid Banks !" 

"Aw ! Cut that kid stuff ! I'm Allan Banks ! 
Son of Councilman Banks!" 

"Oh, pardon. But you don't want to go to 
war, boy." 

"Aw! I do too If* 

"But young boys can't go to war." 

"I know that; and I wish this will last until 
I grow so I can go. It's just grand ! A big cannon 
says Boom! Boom! and, — " 

"Sit down on this wall, boy. I want to talk 
to you." 

"All right. Shoot !" 

"Now look, Allan. If this war should last 
until you grow up, just think of how many thous- 
ands of troops it would kill. How many grand, 
good lads it would put right out of this world." 

"Gosh! That's so, ain't it! I didn't think 
of guys dyin'." 

"But a man has to think of that, Allan. And 
you will, as you grow up. My two big sons just 
put off on that big troop train. I don't know how 
long Bill and Julius will stay away. Your big can- 

[ 185 ] 

G A D S B Y 

non might go Boom! and hit Bill or Julius. Do you 
know Frank Morgan, Paul Johnson and John 
Smith? All right; that big cannon might hit that 
trio, too. Nobody can say who a cannon will hit, 
Allan. Now, you go right on through Grammar 
School, and grow up into a big strong man, and 
don't think about war;" and Gadsby, standing and 
gazing far off to Branton Hills' charming hill 
district, thought : "I think tlxat will bust up a wild 
young ambition !" 

But that kid, turning back, sang out: — 
"Say!! If this scrap stops, and a big war 
starts, — Aha, boy! You just watch Allan Banks! 
Son of Councilman Banks ! !" and a small fist was 
pounding viciously on an also small bosom. 

"By golly!" said Gadsby, walking away, 
"that's Tomorrow talking !" 

So now this history will drift along; along 
through days and months ; days and months of that 
awful gnawing doubt ; actually a paradox, for it 
was a "conscious coma ;" mornings on which Bran- 
ton Hills' icy blood shrank from looking at our city's 
"Post," for its casualty list was rapidly — too rapid- 
ly, — growing. Days and days of our girlhood and 
womanhood rolling thousands of long, narrow cot- 
ton strips; packing loving gifts from many a pan- 

[ 186 ] 

G A D S B Y 

try; Nancy and Kathlyn thinking constantly of 
Frank and John; Lucy almost down and out from 
worrying about Paul; Kathlyn knowing just how 
Julius is missing his Hall of Natural History, and 
how its staff is praying for him ; Nancy's radio shut 
down tight, for so much as a thought of Station 
KBH was as a thrust of a sword. Days. Days. 
Days of shouting orators, blaring bands, troops 
from far away pausing at our big railway station, 
as girls, going through long trains of cars, took 
doughnuts and hot drinks. In Gadsby's parlor 
window hung that famous "World War flag" of 
nothing but stars; nobody knowing at what in- 
stant a gold star would show upon it. A star for 
Bill; a star for Julius. Ah, Bill! Branton Hills' 
fop ! Bill Gadsby now in an ill-fitting and un-styl- 
ish khaki uniform. 

Gadby's mansion had no brilliant night 
lights, now; just his parlor lamp and a small light 
or two in hallways or on stairways. Only our May- 
or and his Lady, now worrying, worrying, worry- 
ing; but both of good, staunch old Colonial stock; 
and "carrying on" with good old Plymouth Rock 
stability ; and Nancy's baby, Lillian, too young to ask 
why Grandma "wasn't hungry," now; and didn't 
laugh so much. 

Kathlyn got into our big hospital, this stu- 
[ 187 ] 

G A D S B Y 

dious young lady's famous biological and microscop- 
ic ability holding out an opportunity for most prac- 
tical work ; for Branton Hills' shot-torn boys would 
soon start drifting in. And thus it was ; with Lucy, 
Sarah and Virginia inspiring Branton Hills' wo- 
manhood to knit, knit, knit! You saw knitting on 
many a porch; knitting in railway trains; knitting 
during band music in City Park; knitting in shady 
arbors out at our big zoo ; at many a woman's club, 
— and, — actually, knitting in church!! Finally a 
big factory, down by our railway station, put out 
a call for "anybody, man or woman, who wants to 
work on munitions;" and many a dainty Branton 
Hills girl sat at big, unfamiliar stamping, punching, 
grinding, or polishing outfits; tiring frail young 
backs and straining soft young hands ; knowing that 
this factory's output might, — and probably would, 
— rob a woman across that big Atlantic of a hus- 
band or son, — but, still, it is war! 

Gadsby, smoking on his ivy-clad porch, as 
his Lady was industriously knitting, said, in a sort 
of soliloquy: — 

"War! That awful condition which a fa- 
mous military man in command of a division, long 
ago, said was synonymous with Satan and all his co- 
horts! War! That awful condition of human 
minds coming down from way, way back of all his- 

[ 188 ] 

G A D S B Y 

tory; that vast void during which sympathy was 
not known; during which animals fought with 
tooth, claw or horn; that vast void during which 
wounds had no soothing balm, until thirst, agony 
or a final swoon laid low a gigantic mammoth, or 
a tiny, gasping fawn! But now, again, in this 
grand day of Man's magically growing brain, this 
day of kindly crooning to infants in cribs; kindly 
talks to boys and girls in school ; and blood-tingling 
orations from thousands of pulpits upon that Holy 
Command : 'Thou Shalt Not Kill,' now, again, Man 
is out to kill his own kind." And Lady Gadsby 
could only sigh. 

[ 189 ] 



shown, Youth, if adults will only admit that it has 
any brains at all, will stand out, today, in a most 
promising light. Philosophically, Youth is Wis- 
dom in formation, and with many thoughts start- 
ling to adult minds; and, industrially, this vast 
World's coming stability is now, today, in its hands ; 
growing slowly, as a blossom grows from its bud. 
If you will furnish him with a thorough schooling, 
you can plank down your dollar that Youth, start- 
ing out from this miraculous day, will not lag nor 
shirk on that coming day in which old joints, rusty 
and crackling, must slow down; and, calling for 
an oil can, you will find that Youth only, is that lu- 
brication which can run Tomorrow's World. But 
Youth must not go thinking that all its plans will 
turn out all right; and young Marian Hopkins 
found this out. Marian, you know, took part in 
our airport initiation. But Marian, only a kid at 
that day, has grown up — or half-way up, anyway, 
and just graduating from Grammar School; upon 
which big day a child "knows" as much as any 
famous savant of antiquity ! But, as this story runs 
in skips and jumps, strict chronological continuity 

t 190 ] 

G A D S B Y 

is not a possibility. So, Marian is now half grown 
up. Now that big airport, as you also know, was 
just back of Marian's back yard; and as that yard 
was much too big for anything that Marian's Dad 
could do with it, it was put up for disposal. But 
nobody would go to look at it; to say nothing of 
buying it. But Old Bill Simpkins, past antagonist 
of Gadsby's Organization of Youth, did go out to 
look at it ; but said, with his customary growl : — 

"Too many aircraft always roaring and 
zooming. Too far out of town. And you ask too 
much for it, anyway." 

But Marian thought that Branton Hills, as 
a municipality, should own it; figuring that that 
airport would grow, and that yard was practically 
a part of it, anyway. So Marian, going to His 
Honor, as about anybody in town did, without an in- 
stant's dallying, "told him," (!) what his Council 
should do. 

"But," said Gadsby, "what a City Council 
should do, and what it will do, don't always match 

"Can't I go and talk to it?" 

"What! To our Council? No; that is, not 
as a body. But if you can run across a Councilman 
out of City Hall you can say what you wish. A 
Councilman is just an ordinary man, you know." 

[ 191 ] 

G A D S B Y 

But a Councilman out of City Hall was a 
hard man to find ; and a child couldn't go to a man's 
mansion to "talk him around." But, by grand luck 
in a month or so, Marian did find, and win, all but 

On Council night, Simpkins took up a good, 
— or I should say, bad — half hour against Branton 
Hills "buying any old dump or scrap land that is 
put up. What was this city coming to?" and so on, 
and so on. And Marian's back yard wasn't bought. 
Now Youth is all right if you rub its fur in a way 
which suits it ; but, man ! ! hold on to your hat, if 
you don't!! And Marian's fur was all lumpy. 
Boy! was that kid MAD!! 

Now, just by luck, March thirty-first, com- 
ing along as days do, you know, found Marian in 
front of a toy shop window, in which, way down 
front, was a box of cigars, with a card saying: 
"This Brand Will Start His Blood Tingling." And 
Marian, as boys say, was "on" in an instant; and 
bought a cigar. Not a box, not a bunch, but just 
a cigar. Coming out Marian saw His Honor and 
Simpkins passing; Simpkins saying: — 

"All right. I'll drop around, tonight." And 
was Marian happy? Wait a bit. 

That night as Gadsby and Simpkins sat 
talking in His Honor's parlor, who would, "just by 

[ 192 ] 

G A D S B Y 

luck," (??) walk in, but Marian; saying, oh, so 
shyly :— 

"Just thought I'd drop in to chat with 
Nancy," and, on passing a couch, slyly laid that 
cigar on it. Now Simpkins, in addition to his fam- 
ous grouch, was a parsimonious old crab; who, 
though drawing good pay as Councilman, couldn't 
pass up anything that cost nothing; and, in gazing 
around, saw that cigar; and, with a big apologiz- 
ing yawn, and slinking onto that couch as a cat 
slinks up on a bird, and, oh, so nonchalantly light- 
ing a match, was soon puffing away and raving 
about Branton Hills politics. Out in a back parlor 
sat Marian and Nancy on a big divan, hugging 
tightly up, arm in arm, and almost suffocating from 
holding back youthful anticipations, as Simpkins 
said : — 

". . . and that Hopkins back yard stunt! 
Ridiculous! Why, his kid was out, trying to find 
all of our Council to talk it into buying. Bah ! And 
rftrflblockit? I'll say I did! You don't find kids 
today laughing at Councilman Simpkins." 

An actual spasm of giggling in that back 
parlor had Gadsby looking around, inquiringly. 

"No, sir!" Simpkins said. "No kid can 
fool Coun " 


t 193 ] 

G A D S B Y 

Gadsby, jumping up saw only a frazzly cigar 
stump in Old Bill's mouth, as that palpitating in- 
dividual was vigorously brushing off falling sparks 
as His Honor's rugs got a rain of tobacco scraps! 
Gadsby was "on" in an instant, noticing Marian and 
Nancy rolling and tumbling around on that big di- 
van, and doubling up in a giggling fit, way out of 
control. Finally Simpkins angrily got up, vicious- 
ly jamming on his tall silk hat; and Marian, fight- 
ing that giggling fit, just had to call out : — 

"April Fool, Councilman Simpkins!!" 
(And Mayor Gadsby, on a following Coun- 
cil night, got Marian's land bill through; many a 
Councilman holding his hand in front of his grin- 
ning mouth, m voting for bright, vitalic Youths 

[ 194 ] 


Widow Adams was sit- 
ting up again, for it was way past midnight, and 
Virginia was out. Many months ago Virginia was, 
also out, and was brought back, unconscious. So 
now Nina was again sitting up, for Virginia' was 
not a night -owl sort of a girl. Finally, around two 
o'clock, Nina coudn't stand it, and had to call in a 
passing patrolman. Now this patrolman was an 
original Organization of Youth boy, and had al- 
ways known Nina and Virgina ; and said : — 

"Oh, now! I wouldn't worry so. Possibly 
a bus had a blowout ; or — " 

"But Virginia said nothing about going on 
a bus ! Oh ! ! How could that child vanish so ?" 

Naturally, all that that patrolman could do 
was to call his station; and Nina, almost all in, lay 
down, until, just about dawn a jangling ringing 
brought this half wild woman to a front hall, shout- 

"This is Nina Adams talking! Who? What? 
Virginia, is that you ? What's wrong ? What ! You 
and Harold Thompson? Our aviator? You did 
what? Took his aircraft to what city? Why, that's 

so far you can't " but Virginia had hung up. 

[ 195 ] 

G A D S B Y 

So Nina also hung up, and sat down with a big 

long sigh : — 

"My Virginia, not running away, but fly. 

ing away, to marry! Oh, this Youth of today!" 

* * * 

Around six o'clock that night, Virginia and 
Harold stood arm in arm in Nina's parlor, as •> 
big bus was groaning noisily away. 

"But, Mama," said Virginia, sobbing piti- 
fully, "I didn't think you would " 

"That's just it, Virginia, you didn't think!! 
But you should! How could / know what was go- 
ing on? That's just you young folks of today. 
You think of nothing but your own silly, foolish 
doings, and you allow us old good-for-nothings to 
go crazy with worry!!" and Nina sank in a gasp- 
ing swoon onto a sofa. 

But old Doc Wilkins, arriving at Virginia's 
frantic call, knowing Nina's iron constitution from 
childhood, soon had that limp form back to normal ; 
and, with a dark, disapproving scowl at Virginia, 
said : — 

"Bring in a good batch of hot food, and 
your Ma will turn out all right," and going out, 
with a snort of disgust, and banging viciously that 
big front door ! 

[ 196] 


Awful tidings in our 
Branton Hills' "Post," had so wrought up our ordi- 
narily happy, laughing Sarah, who, with Paul 
abroad, was back, living again with old Toin 
Young, that Sarah, sitting on a low stool by old 
Tom's rocking chair was so still that Tom put 
down his "Post," saying: — 

"Gift of gab all run out, kid?" 

But Sarah had an odd, thoughtful look. 
Sarah's bosom was rising and falling abnormally; 
but, finally, looking quickly up at old Tom, Sarah 
said : — 

"Daddy, I want to go to war." 

"Do what?" If Sarah had said anything 
about jumping out of a balloon, or of buying a 
gorilla to play with, Tom Young wouldn't know 
any such astounding doubt as brought his rocking 
chair to a quick standstill. 

"War? What kind of talk is this? A girl 
going to war? What for? How? Say!! Who 
put this crazy stunt into your brain, anyway ?" 

As you know, Sarah was not only charming 
in ways, but also in build; and, with that glorious 
crown of brownish-gold hair, that always smiling 

[ 197 ] 

G A D S B Y 

mouth and that soft, plump girlishly-girlish form 
no man, Tom Young nor anybody, could think of 
Sarah and war in a solitary thought. So Sarah 
said, softly: — 

"Last night, our Night School trio thought 
that our boys, so far away, must miss us, and Bran- 
ton Hills sights; and Doris said, 'Branton Hills 
sounds.' And so, why couldn't our trio join that 
big group of musicians which is sailing soon? And, 
Daddy, you know Paul is in that army. I don't 
know that I could find him, but — but — but I want 
to try. And Kathlyn is talking of going as biologist 
with a big hospital unit; so possibly I could stav 
with it." 

Tom Young was dumb! His "Post" actual- 
ly had told of such a musical outfit about to sail; 
but it was a man's organization. So, now it has 
got around to this! Our girls, our dainty, loving 
girls, brimful of both sympathy and patriotism, 
wanting to go into that tough, laborious work of 
singing in army camps ; in huts ; in hospitals ; sing- 
ing from trucks rolling along country roads along 
which sat platoons and batallions of troops, wait- 
ing for word which might bring to this or that boy 
his last long gun-toting tramp. Singing in — 

"Aw, darling! Your trio was fooling, 

wasn't it ? Now, girls don't " 

[ 198 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Daddy, girls do! So, if our folks don't put 
up too much of a — " 

"Aha!! Now you said a mouthful; if your 
folks don't! Darling, I'll say just two words as my 
part in this crazy stunt: 'Nothing doing' !! Kath- 
lyn's work is mighty important; singing isn't." 

Sarah had not grown up from infancy in 
kindly Tom's cabin without knowing that his "no'' 
was a "no.'f and not a flimsy, hollow word which 
a whining, or a sniffling, or a bawling child could 
switch around into : "Oh, all right, if you want to." 
So Sarah still sat on that low stool; or, to turn it 
around almost backwards, — Sarah sat on that stool, 
— still. So still that Tom's old tin clock on its wall 
hooks was soon dominating that small room with 
its rhythmic ticking, as a conductor's baton con- 
trols a brass band's pianissimos. Finally Sarah 
said softly, slowly, sadly and with a big, big sigh :- ■ 

"I did so want to go." And that small clock 
was ticking, ticking, ticking. . . 

For a full hour Sarah and old Tom sat talk- 
ing and rocking, until Sarah, phoning to Doris, 
said : — 

"My Dad says no." 

And Doris, phoning back to Sarah, said: — 

"So did my Dad." 

And, as Virginia Adams was that trio's 
[ 199 ] 

G A D S B Y 

third part; and as Sarah and Doris had always 
known Nina Adams' strong will ; and as, — Oh, hum ! 
It was a happy fascination until adult minds got 
hold of it ! 

[ 200 ] 


Gadsby was walking 
back from a visit down in Branton Hills' manu- 
facturing district on a Saturday night. A busy 
day's traffic had had its noisy run; and with not 
many folks in sight, His Honor got along without 
having to stop to grasp a hand, or talk ; for a May- 
or out of City Hall is a shining mark for any poli- 
tician. And so, coming to Broadway, a booming 
bass drum and sounds of singing, told of a small 
Salvation Army unit carrying on amidst Broad- 
way's night shopping crowds. Gadsby, walking 
toward that group, saw a young girl, back towards 
him, just finishing a long, soulful oration, saying: — 

". . .and I can say this to you, for I know 
what I am talking about; for I was brought up 
in a pool of liquor !T 

As that army group was starting to march 
on, with this girl turning towards Gadsby, His 
Honor had to gasp, astonishingly: — 

"Why! MaryAntor!!" 

"Oh! If it isn't Mayor Gadsby! I don't 
run across you much, now-a-days. How is Lady 
Gadsby holding up during this awful war?" 

[ 201 ] 

G A D S B Y 

All such family gossip passing quickly, 
Gadsby said : — 

"But this Salvation Army work, Mary? 
How long " 

Mary and His Honor had to walk along, as 
that big drum was now pounding a block away. 
During that walk Gadsby found out all about that 
vast void in Mary's bungalow following that fatal 
auto crash; and all about "two old maid aunts" as 
Mary said, who had all that pantry's liquor thrown 
down a drain and got out, also, a day or two fol- 
lowing; all about living now at Old Lady Flana- 

". . .for I just couldn't stay in that bunga- 
low, with nobody around, you know." And all 
about loving companionship in that grand old lady's 
arms; and of Mary's finding that Flanagan, who 
got such a "wallop" from Antor's killing, wasn't 
drinking so much, now; which put it into Mary's 
mind that many a man would, with kindly coaching, 
turn from it. 

"And I think that my nightly talks against 
liquor, hit; and hit hard, too; for almost nightly a 
poor down-and-out will follow along with our band, 
promising to cut it out and go straight. Oh, why 
didn't I try to stop Norman's drinking?" 

"Probably," said Gadsby, "you did, in your 
[ 202 1 

G A D S B Y 

girlish way; but you know boys don't think that 
small girls know anything. I'd put up any amount 
that Norman, in that far-away camp, is thinking 
of you, constantly." 

"Oh-h-h-h ! If I could only know that !" and 
a look of almost sanctity, and a big, long-drawn 
sigh told what a turmoil was going on in this young 
girl's mind. "But I'm going on, and on and on with 
this night talking until Norman is back again. Pos- 
sibly a plan will turn up toward both of us living 

down our past, and our sorrow." And Gadsby, 

slowly plodding along towards his dimly lit mansion, 
thought of a slight transposition of that scriptural 
quotation: "And your sins, you adults, shall fall 
upon your offspring, unto your third and fourth — " 

"Oh, if a man would only think of his off- 
spring having to carry on, long past his last day! 
And of how hard it is for a boy or girl to stand up 
and proudly (?) claim that so-and-so 'was my 
Dad,' if all Branton Hills knows of that Dad's in- 
glorious past. Poor kids !" for you know that Gads- 
by said, in this story's start, that "a man should 
so carry on his daily affairs as to bring no word of 
admonition from anybody;" for a man's doings 
should put a stain upon no soul but his own. 

But, aha!! As His Honor got to his parlor, 
[ 203 ] 

G A D S B Y 

his sad mind found a happy, smiling Lady await- 
ing him; crying joyously: — 

"Look! Look, John! Word from William! 
From Bill, in Paris!" 

Bill's first communication said: — 

"Darling Folks: Julius and I just got in- 
to this town from a month of hard marching, ditch- 
digging and fighting. I am all right, and so is 
Julius. Ran across Frank, who is on duty at our 
Commissary. Lucky guy! Lots of food always 
around ! Paul is growing fat. Looks mighty good. 
Oh, how all of us do miss you and good old Branton 
Hills ! I can't find a solitary suit in this town that 
I would put on to go to a dog fight! Such fashion. 1 " 
and so on; just a natural outpouring from a boy, 
away on his first trip from his Dad's kindly roof. 

"Ha, ha!" said Gadsby, laughing jovially; 
"That's our Bill, all right ! Always thinking of doll- 
ing up!" and Lady Gadsby, rising quickly, said: — 

"Oh, I must call up Nancy, Kathlyn and 
Sarah !" and, in a trio of small bungalows, joy, wild 
joy, found its way into girlish minds! 

As Gadsby sat, going through this good 
word again and again, a mirthful chuckling had 
Lady Gadsby asking : — 

"What's so funny about it?" 

"Nothing; only if I didn't know that Frank 
[ 204 ] 

D S B 

is such a grand, good lad, I'd think Bill was hiding 
a bit from us; for that 'on duty at Commissary* 
might amount only to potato paring !" 

[ 205 ] 


Priscilla Standish 
was waiting at our big railroad station, on a warm 
Spring day, for a train to pull out, so that cross- 
track traffic could start again. It was just an ordi- 
nary train such as stop hourly at Branton Hills, 
but Priscilla saw that a group was hurrying toward 
a combination-car, way up forward. Now Pris- 
cilla was not a girl who found morbid curiosity in 
any such a public spot; but, still, an odd, uncanny 
sort of thrill, — almost a chill, in fact, — was urging, 
urging a slow walk toward that car. Just why, 
Priscilla didn't know ; but such things do occur in a 
human mind. So Priscilla soon was standing on a 
trunk truck, gazing down into that group which 
now was slowly moving back, forming room for 
taking out a young man in khaki uniform, on a 
hospital cot. With a gasp of horror, Priscilla 
was instantly down from that truck, pushing 
through that group, and crying out, wildly : — 

"Arthur! Arthur Rankin! Oh! Oh! What is 
it, darling?" and looking up at a hospital assistant, 
"Is it bad?" 

"Don't know, right now, lady," said that 
[ 206 ] 

G A D S B Y 

snowy clad official. "Unconscious. But our big 
hospital will do all it can for him." 

Arthur Rankin ! Arthur, with whom Pris- 
cilla had had many a childhood spat! Arthur who 
had shown that "puppy stuff" for Priscilla, that his 
old aunt was always so disapprovingly sniffing at! 
And now, unconscious on a, 

With a murmuring of sympathy from that 
sorrowing public, now dissolving, as all crowds do, 
Priscilla had a quick, comforting thought: "Kath- 
lyn is working at that hospital !" 

Kathlyn had known Arthur as long as Pris- 
cilla had; and Kathlyn's famous ability would 

So our panting and worrying girl was hurry- 
ing along through Broadway's turning and inquir- 
ing crowds to that big hospital which our Organi- 
zation of Youth had had built. And now Arthur 
was going, for not long, possibly, but, still possibly 

It was midnight in that big still building. 
Old Doctor Wilkins stood by Arthur's cot; Pris- 
cilla, sobbing pitifully, was waiting in a corridor, 
with Lady Standish giving what comfort a woman 
could. Lady Standish, who took in dogs, cats, 
rabbits or any living thing that was hurt, sick or 
lost; Lady Standish, donor of four thousand dol- 

[ 207 ] 

G A D S B Y 

lars for our big Zoo; Lady Standish, kindly savior 
of Clancy's and Dowd's "Big Four," now waiting 
without ability to aid a human animal. Finally, 
Doctor Wilkins, coming out, said : — 

"Kathlyn says no sign of blood contamina- 
tion, but vitality low; badly low; sinking, I think. 
Railroad trip almost too much for him. Looks 

But, at this instant, an assistant, calling 
Wilkins, said Arthur was coming out of his coma; 
and was murmuring "about a woman known as 
Priscilla. Do you know anybody by ?" 

With a racking sob, Priscilla shot through 
that door, Lady Standish quickly following. Ar- 
thur, picking up, a bit, from Priscilla's soft, oh, so 
soft and loving crooning and patting, took that fond 
hand and — sank back! Doctor Wilkins, looking 
knowingly at Priscilla, said : — 

"If it is as I think, you two had had thoughts 

A vigorous nod from Priscilla, and an ap- 
proving look from Lady Standish, and Doctor Wil- 
kins said: — 

"Hm-m-m! It should occur right now! 
Or, " 

As quick as a flash that snowy-clad assis- 
tant was phoning; and, astonishingly soon, our good 

[ 208 ] ' 

G A D S B Y 

Pastor Brown stood by that cot; and, with Arthur 

in a most surprising pick-up, holding Priscilla's hot, 

shaking hand, through that still hospital room was 

wafting Priscilla's soft, low words: — 

". . .you for my lawful husband, until. . ." 
* * * 

Doctor Wilkins, going out with Priscilla, 
now trying, oh, so hard for control; with grand, 
charming, loving Kathlyn, arm in arm, said: — 

"That joy will pull him through. Boys, at 
war, so far away, will naturally droop, both in body 
and mind, from lack of a particular girl's snuggling 
and cuddling. So just wait until Kathlyn finds out 
all about his condition; and good food, with this 
happy culmination of a childhood infatuation, will 
put him in first-class condition, if no complications 
show up." 

Ah ! What an important part of a city's in- 
stitutions a hospital is ! What a comfort to all, to 
know that, should injury or any ailing condition of 
man, woman or child occur without warning, any- 
body can, simply through phoning find quick trans- 
portation at his door; and, with angrily clanging 
gongs, or high-pitch whistlings obtaining a "right 
of way" through all traffic, that institution's doors 
will swing apart, assistants will quickly surround 
that cot, and an ability for doing anything that Man 

[ 209 ] 

G A D S B Y 

can do is at hand. You know, almost daily, of capi- 
talists of philanthropic mold, donating vast sums to 
a town or an association; but, in your historian's 
mind, no donation can do so much good as that 
which builds, or maintains hospitalization for all. A 
library, a school, a boys' or girls' club, a vacation 
facility, a "chair" of this or that in an institution of 
instruction, — all do much to build up a community. 
Both doctoring as a study for a young man, and 
nursing for a girl form most important parts of 
Mankind's activity. 

And so, just four months from that awful, 
but also happy day, Arthur Rankin sat in a ham- 
mock with Priscilla, on Lady Standish's porch, with 
four small Rankins playing around; or was walk- 
ing around that back yard full of cats, dogs, rab- 
bits, and so on, with no thought of soap box ora- 
tions in his mind. 



On a grand Autumn 
morning Branton Hills' "Post" boys ran shouting 
down Broadway, showing in half -foot wording: 
and again, Branton Hills stood stock still. But only 
for an instant ; for soon, it was, in all minds : — 

"Thank God!! Oh, ring your loud church 
clarions! Blow your factory blasts! Shout! Cry! 
Sing! Play, you bands! Burst your drums! Crack 
your cymbals !" 

Ah, what a sight on Broadway ! Shop girls 
pouring out! Shop janitors boarding up big glass 
windows against a surging mob! And, (sh-h-h-h) 
many a church having in its still sanctity a woman 
or girl at its altar rail. 

Months, months, months! Branton Hills 
was again at its big railroad station, its Municipal 
Band playing our grand National air, as a long 
troop train, a solid mass of bunting, was snorting 
noisily in. And, amidst that outpouring flood of 
Branton Hills boys, Lady Gadsby, Nancy, Kath- 
lyn and His Honor found Bill, Julius, Frank and 

[ 211 ] 

G A D S B Y 

John. Sarah was just "going all apart" in Paul's 
arms, with Virginia swooning in Harold's. 

On old Lady Flanagan's porch sat Mary 
Antor; for, having had no word from Norman for 
months, this grand young Salvation Army lass was 
in sad, sad doubt. But soon, as that shouting mob 
was drifting away, and happy family groups walk- 
ing citywards, a khaki-clad lad, hurrying to old Lady 
Flanagan's cabin, and jumping that low, ivy-clad 
wall, had Mary, sobbing and laughing, in his arms. 
No. It wasn't Norman. 



A crowd was standing 
around in City Park, for a baby was missing. Pa- 
trol cars roaring around Branton Hills; many a 
woman hunting around through sympathy; kid- 
napping rumors flying around. His Honor was out 
of town ; but on landing at our railroad station, and 
finding patrol cars drawn up at City Park, saw, in 
that crowd's midst, a tiny girl, of about six, with a 
bunch of big shouting patrol officers, asking: — 
"Who took that baby?" 
"Did you do it?" 
"Which way did it go ?" 
"How long ago did you miss it?" 
"Say, kiddo!! Why don't you talk?" 
An adult brain can stand a lot of such shout- 
ing, but a baby's is not in that class; so, totally 
dumb, and shaking with fright, this tot stood, thumb 
in mouth, and two big brown baby orbs just start- 
ing to grow moist, as His Honor, pushing in, said : 
"Wait a bit!!" and that bunch in uniform, 
knowing him, got up and Gadsby sat down on a 
rock, saying: — 

"You can't find out a thing from a young 
child by such hard, gruff ways. This tiny lady is 

[ 213 ] 

G A D S B Y 

almost in a slump. Now, just start this crowd mov- 
ing. I know a bit about Youth." 

"That's right," said a big, husky patrolman. 
"If anybody living knows kids, it's you, sir." 

So, as things got around to normal, His 
Honor, now sitting flat on City Park's smooth lawn, 
said, jovially : — 


A big gulping sob in a tiny bosom — didn't 
gulp ; and a grin ran around a small mouth, as our 
young lady said : — 

"So many big cops ! O-o-o ! I got afraid !" 

"I know, darling; but no big cops will shout 
at you now. / don't shout at tiny girls, do I ?" 

"No, sir; but if folks do shout, I go all 

"Woozy? Woozy? Ha, ha! I'll look that 
up in a big book. But what's all this fuss about? 
Is it about a baby?" 

A vigorous nodding of a bunch of brown 

"What? Fussing about a baby? A baby is 
too small to fuss about." 

"O-o-o-o ! It isn't. T 


"No, sir. I fuss about my dolly, an' it's not 
half so big as a baby." 


G A D S B Y 

"That's so. Girls do fuss about dolls. My 
girls did." 

"How many dolls has your girls got?" 

"Ha, ha! Not any, now. My girls all got 
grown up and big." 

During this calm, happy talk, a patrolman, 
coming up, said: — 

"Shall I stick around, Your Honor? Any 
kidnapping facts?" 

"I don't know, just now. Wait around 
about an hour, and drop in again." 

So His Honor, Mayor of Branton Hills, and 
Childhood sat on that grassy lawn; a tiny tot mak- 
ing daisy chains, grass rings, and thrilling at Gads- 
by's story of how a boy, known as Jack, had to climb 
a big, big tall stalk to kill an awfully ugly giant. 
Finally Gadsby said : — 

"I thought you had a baby playing with 

"I did." 

"Huh, it isn't playing now. Did it fly 

"Oho! No! A baby can't fly!" 

"No. That's right. But how could a baby 
go away from you without your knowing it?" 

"It didn't. I did know it." 

Now, many may think that His Honor would 
[215 ] 

G A D S B Y 

thrill at this information; but Gadsby didn't. So, 
"playing around" for a bit, His Honor finally 
said : — 

"I wish / had a baby to play with, right 

"You can." 

"Can I? How?" 

With a tiny hand on baby lips, our small 
lady said: — 

"Go look in that lilac arbor; but go soft! I 
think it's snoozing." 

And Gadsby, going to that arbor, got a 
frightful shock; for it was Lillian, Nancy's baby! 
Not having known of this "kidnapping" as his fami- 
ly couldn't find him by phoning, it was a shock ; for 
His Honor was thinking of that young woman col- 
lapsing. So, upon that patrolman coming back, as 
told, Gadsby said : — 

"Go and call up your station, quickly! Say 
that I want your Captain to notify my folks that 
Lillian is all right." 

"Good gosh, Your Honor ! ! Is this tot your 
grandchild ?" 

"Grandchild or no grandchild, you dash to 
that box!!" 

And so, again, John Gadsby, Champion of 

G A D S B Y 

Youth, had shown officialdom that a child's brain 
and that of an adult vary as do a gigantic oak and 
its tiny acorn. 

[ 217 ] 


Most of Gadsby's old 
Organization of Youth was still in town, though, 
as you know, grown up. So, on a Spring day, all 
of its forty boys and as many girls got most mysti- 
fying cards, saying : — 

"Kindly go to Lilac Hill on May sixth, at 
four o'clock. IMPORTANT! IMPORTANT! 
IMPORTANT!!" That was all. Not a word to 
show its origin. No handwriting. Just a small, 
plain card in ordinary printing. 

Not only that old Organization, but His 
Honor, Lady Gadsby, Old Tom Young, Tom Don- 
aldson, Nina Adams, Lady Standish and Old Lady 
Flanagan got that odd card. 

"Arrah ! Phwat's this, anny way?" sang out 
that good old lady. "Is it court summons, a pic- 
nic, or a land auction? By gorry, it looks phony!' 1 

Old Tom Young, in his rocking chair, said: 

"A card to go to Lilac Hill. It says 'im- 
portant.' Ah ! This Youth of today ! I'll put up a 
dollar that I can sniff a rat in this. But my girl is 
all right, so I'll go." 

And so it was, all around town. Nobody 
could fathom it. 

[ 218 ] 

G A D S B Y 

Lilac Hill was as charming a spot as any 
that our big City Park could boast. Though known 
as a hill, it was but a slight knoll with surroundings 
of lilac shrubs, which, in May would always show 
a riot of bloom ; this knoll sloping down to a pond, 
with islands, boats and aquatic plants. Lilac Hill 
had known many a picnic and similar outings; for 
Branton Hills folks, living for six days amidst 
bricks and asphalt, just had to go out on Sundays 
to this dainty knoll, living for an hour or so 
amongst its birds, blossoms and calm surroundings. 
City traffic was far away, only a faint rumbling 
coming to this natural sanctuary ; and many a mind, 
and many a worn body had found a balm in its 

But that mystifying card ! From whom was 
it? What was it? Why was it? "Oh, hum! Why 
rack brains by digging into it?" was Branton 
Hills' popular thought. "But, — go and find out!" 
That, also, was our Organization's thought as May 
sixth was approaching. 

"My gracious!" said Nancy. "It sounds 
actually spooky!" 

But calm, practical Kathlyn said: — 
"Spooks don't hop around in daylight." 
May sixth had just that warm and balmy 
air that allows girls to put on flimsy, dainty things, 

[ 219 ] 

G A D S B Y 

and youths to don sports outfits; and His Honor, 
as that mystifying day was not far off, said: — 

"This, I think, is a trick by a kid or two, to 
show us old ducks that an 'incog' can hold out, right 
up to its actual consummation. I don't know a thing 
about what's going on ; but, by golly ! I'll show up ; 
and if any fun is afloat, I'll join in, full blast." 

But ! ! As our Organization boys and 

girls, and Branton Hills folks got to Lilac Hill, not 
a thing was found giving any indication that any- 
thing out of ordinary was to occur ! Just that calm, 
charming knoll, with its lilacs, oaks, and happy vista 
out across Branton Hills' hill districts! What is 
this, anyway? A hoax? But all sat down, talk- 
ing in a big group, until, at just four o'clock, — 
look! A stir, out back of that island boat landing! 
What? On that pond? This card said Lilac Hill! 
But I said that a stir was occurring in back of that 
boat landing, with its small shack for storing oars 
and such. If our big crowd was laughing and talk- 
ing up to now, it quit! And quit mighty quickly, 
too ! If you want to hold a crowd, just mystify it. 
Old Lady Flanagan was starting to shout about 
"this phony stuff," but Old Man Flanagan said: — 

"Shut up! You ain't part of this show!" 

Nancy was actually hopping up and down, 
but Kathlyn stood calmly watching; for this studi- 

[ 220 ] 

G A D S B Y 

ous girl, way up in an "ology" or two, knows that, 
by slow, thoughtful watching, you can gain much, 
as against working up a wild, panicky condition. 
Lady Gadsby said again and again : "What is going 
on ?" but Nina Adams said : "You ought to know 

that today, anything can- 1 " 

But look again!/ From in back of that boat 
landing, a big fairy float is coming! Slowly, — 
slowly — slowly; a cabin amidships, just dripping 
with lilacs, as still and noncommittal as old Gib- 
raltar. Slowly, on and on it is coming; finally stop- 
ping right at that spot upon which our group is 
standing; forty boys, forty girls, and a big mob, 
all as still as a church. What is it, anyway? Is 
anybody in it ? Not a sign of it. But wait ! Aha ! 
It has an occupant, for, coming out of that lilac 

glory is Parson Brown!! Parson Brown? 

What was Parson Brown in that cabin for? Aha!! 
A lilac spray is moving; and, as our groups stand 
stock still, look! Lucy Donaldson is coming out! 
Oh ! What a vision of girlish joy and glory ! ! And 
— and — and, ah ! That lilac spray is moving again ! 
Hulloa! Bill Gadsby is coming out!! 

A Spring sun was slowly approaching its 
horizonward droop, shooting rays of gold down on- 
to our gasping crowd, as Parson Brown said : — 

"William Gadsby, do you . . . ?" 
t 221 ] 

G A D S B Y 

William, but shortly back from abroad, you 
know, standing with grand, military rigidity, said' 

"I do." 

"And Lucy Donaldson, do you . . .?" 

It didn't last long. Just a word or two; a 
burst of music of a famous march by John Smith, 
Branton Hills' organist, in that cabin with a small 

piano; just a But that crowd couldn't wait 

for that ! With a whoop His Honor sprang into 
that pond, wading swiftly to board that fairy craft; 
and in an instant Nancy was following him, splash- 
ing frantically along, and scrambling aboard to al- 
most floor Bill with a gigantic hug as His Honor 
shook Bill's hand, with a loving arm about Lucy. 
Old Lady Flanagan was shouting wildly: — 

"Whoops! Whoops! By gorra! This 
young gang of today is a smart boonch !" and His 
Honor said : — 

"Ha, ha ! I didn't know a thing about this ! 
Bill's a smart chap!" And Old Tom Donaldson, 
grabbing happy, laughing, blushing, palpitating 
Lucy as soon as that young lady was on dry land, 
said : — 

"Say! You sly young chick! Why didn't 
you notify your old Dad?" 

"Why, Daddy! That would spoil all my 

[ 222 ] 


Gadsby, Clancy and 
Dowd "just had" to, according to unanimous 
opinion, go out to Lady Standish's suburban plot 
of ground to visit "Big Four;" Gadsby, owing to 
an inborn liking for all animals ; Clancy and Dowd 
from fond association with this particular group. 
It was a glorious spot; high, rolling land, with a 
patch of cool, shady woods, and a grand vista 
across hill and plain, with shining ponds and rich 
farm lands. And did "Big Four" know Clancy and 
Dowd? I'll say so! And soon, with much happy 
whinnying and "acting up," with two big roans pok- 
ing inquiring snouts in Clancy's hands, and two big 
blacks snuggling Gadsby and Dowd, as happy a 
group of Man and animals as you could wish for, 
was soon accompanying Lady Standish around that 
vast patch. 

Anything that such animals could want was 
at hand. A bright, sparkling brook was gabbling 
and gurgling through a stony gully, or dropping, 
with many brilliant rainbows, down a tiny fall. 

"Sally," said Gadsby, "you do a grand work 
in maintaining this spot. If Mankind, as a body, 
would only think as you do, that an animal has a 

[ 223 ] 

G A D S B Y 

brain, and knows good living conditions, you 
wouldn't find so many poor, scraggly old Dobbins 
plodding around our towns, dragging a cart far too 
big; and with a man totally without sympathy on 

And Lady Standish said: — 

"I just can't think of anybody abusing an 
animal ; nor of allowing it to stay around, sick, hurt 
or hungry. I think that an animal is but a point 
short of human; and, having a skin varying but 
slightly from our own, will know as much pain from 
a whipping as would a human child. A blow upon 
any animal, if I am within sight, is almost as a 
blow upon my own body. You would think that, 
with that vast gap which Mankind is continually 
placing back of him in his onward march in im- 
proving this big world, Man would think, a bit, of 
his pals of hoof, horn and claw. But I am glad to 
say that, in this country, laws in many a community 
admit that an animal has rights. Oh, how an ani- 
mal that is hurt looks up at you, John ! An animal's 
actions can inform you if it is in pain. It don't 
hop and jump around as usual. No. You find a 
sad, crouching, cringing, small bunch of fur or 
hair, whining, and plainly asking you to aid it. It 
isn't hard to find out what is wrong, John ; any man 
or woman who would pass by such a sight, just 

t 224 ] ' 

G A D S B Y 

isn't worth knowing. I just can't withstand it! 
Why, I think that not only animals, but plants can 
know pain. I carry a drink to many a poor, thirsty 
growing thing; or, if it is torn up I put it kindly 
back, and fix its soil up as comfortably as I can. 
Anything that is living, John, is worthy of Man's 

[ 225 ] 


Poor old Bill Simpkins ! 
Nothing in this world was worth anything; no- 
body was right; all wrong, all wrong! Simpkins 
had no kin; and, not marrying, was "just plodding 
along," living in a small room, with no fun, no 
constant company, no social goal to which to look 
forward; and had, thus, grown into what boys call 
"a big, old grouch." But it wasn't all Simpkins' 
fault. A human mind was built for contact with 
similar minds. It should, — in fact, — it must think 
about what is going on around it ; for, if it is shut 
up in a thick, dark, bony box of a skull, it will al- 
ways stay in that condition known as "status quo ;" 
and grow up, antagonistic to all surroundings. But 
Simpkins didn't want to growl and grunt. It was 
practically as annoying to him as to folks around 
him. But, as soon as that shut-up, solitary mind 
found anybody wanting it to do anything in con- 
firmation of public opinion, — no! that mind would 
contract, as a snail in its spiral armor — and balk. 
Lady Gadsby and His Honor, in talking 
about this, had thought of improving such a con- 
dition; but Simpkins was not a man to whom you 
could broach such a thought. It would only bring 

[ 226 ] 

G A D S B Y 

forth an outburst of sarcasm about "trying* it on 
your own brain, first." So Branton Hills' Council 
always had so to word a ''motion" as to, in a way, 
blind Simpkins as to its import. Many such a mo- 
tion had a hard fight showing him its valuation as 
a municipal law; such as our big Hall of Natural 
History, our Zoo, and so on. 

Now nothing can so light up such a mind 
as a good laugh. Start a man laughing, good, long 
and loud, and his mind's grimy windows will slowly 
inch upward ; snappy, invigorating air will rush in, 
and — lo! that old snarling, ugly grouch will vanish 
as hoar-frost in a warm Spring thaw ! 

And so it got around, on a bright Spring 
day, to Old Bill sitting on Gadsby's front porch; 
outwardly calm, and smoking a good cigar (which 
didn't blow up!), but, inwardly just full of snarls 
and growls about Branton Hills' Youth. 

"Silly half -grown young animals, found out 
that two plus two is four, and thinking that all 
things will fit, just that way!" 

Now that small girl, "of about six," who had 
had Nancy's baby out in City Park, was passing 
Gadsby's mansion, and saw Old Bill. A kid of six 
has, as you probably know, no formally laid-out 
plan for its daily activity ; anything bobbing up will 
attract. So, with this childish instability of 

[ 227 ] 

G A D S B Y 

thought, this tiny miss ran up onto Gadsby's porch 
and stood in front of Old Bill, looking up at him, 
but saying not a word. 

"Huh!" Bill just had to snort. "Looking 
at anything?" 

"XT * " 

No, sir. 

"What!! Oh, that is, you think 'not much,' 
probably. What do you want, anyway?" 

"I want to play." 

"All right; run along and play." 

"No; I want to play with you." 

"Pooh!! That's silly. I'm an old man. An 
old man can't play." 

"Can, too. My Grandpa can." 

"But I'm not your Grandpa, thank my lucky 
stars. Run along now ; I'm thinking." 

"So am I." 

"You? Huh! A kid can't think." 

"Ooo-o! / can!" 

"About what?" 

"About playing with you." 

Now Simpkins saw that this was a condition 
which wouldn't pass with scowling or growling, 
but didn't know what to do about it. Play with a 
kid? What? Councilman Simpkins pi 

But into that shut-up mind, through a parti- 
ally, — only partially, — rising window, was waft- 

[ 228 ] 

G A D S B Y 

ing a back thought of May Day in City Park ; and 
that happy, singing, marching ring of tots around 
that ribbon-wound mast. Councilman Simpkins 
was in that ring. 

So this thought got to tramping round and 
round many a musty corridor in his mind ; throwing 
up a window, "busting in" a door, and shoving a 
lot of dust and rubbish down a back stairway. 
Round and round it ran, until, ( ! !) Old Bill, slowly 
and surprisingly softly, said : — 

"What do you want to play ?" 

Oh ! Oh ! what a victory for that tot ! ! What 
a victory for Youth!! And what a fall for grouchy, 
snarling Maturity ! ! I think that Simpkins, right 
at that instant, saw that bright sunlight coming in 
through that rising window; rising by baby hands; 
and from that "bust in" door. I think that Old 
Bill cast off, in that instant, that hard, gloomy 
coating of dissatisfaction which was gripping his 
shut-up mind. And I think, — in fact, I know, — 
that Old Bill Simpkins was now, — that is, was — 
was — was, oh, just plain happy! 

"What do you want to play ?" 

"This is a lady, a-going to town." 

"Play what?" 

My!! Don't you know how to play that? 
All right; I'll show you. Now just stick out your 

[ 229 ] 

G A D S B Y 

foot. That's it. Now I'll sit on it, so. Now yon 
bump it up and down. Ha, ha! Ho, ho! That's 
it! This is a lady, a-going to town, a-going to 
town, a-going to town !" and as that tiny lady sang 
that baby song gaily and happily, Old Bill was 
actually laughing; and laughing uproariously, too! 

As this sight was occurring, His Honor and 
Lady Gadsby, looking out from a parlor window, 
Gadsby said, happily: — 

"A lady physician is working on Old Bill," 
causing Lady Gadsby to add : — 

"And a mighty good doctor, too." 

[ 230 ] 


It was night again. 
That small Salvation Army group was parading 
and singing. A young girl would soon start a long 
oration against drink. Now boys, gawking as boys 
always do, saw a shadowy form of a man slink- 
ing along from doorway to doorway, plainly watch- 
ing this marching group, but also, plainly trying to 
stay out of sight. A halt, a song or two, and Mary 
Antor was soon walking towards Old Lady Flana- 
gan's cabin. But!! In passing big, dark City 
Park, a man, rushing wildly up, wrapping that frail 
form in a cast-iron grip, planting kiss upon kiss 
upon Mary's lips, finally unwound that grip and 
stood stiffly in military saluting position. Mary, 
naturally in a bad fright, took a short, anxious, in- 
quiring look, and instantly, all that part of City 
Park actually rang with a wild girlish cry : — 

"Norman!!. i" 

"Hulloa, kiddo! Just got in, half an hour 
ago, on a small troop train; and, by luck, saw you 
marching in that group. Wow!! But you do look 
grand. 1 " 

"And you look grand, too, Norman; but — 
but — but — not drunk?" 

[ 231 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"No, sis! Not for many a day now. Saw 
too much of it in camp. Big, grand, corking good 
chaps down and out from it. Days and days in 
jail, military jail, you know, and finally finding a 
'bad conduct' stamp on Company books. No, sir; 
I'm off it, for good!" 

On old Lady Flanagan's porch Mary sat way 
past midnight with, no, not with Norman, only, 
but with two khaki-clad boys; and it was miracu- 
lous that that small, loving childish bosom could 
hold so much joy! Old Lady Flanagan in night- 
gown and cap, looking down a front stairway, (and 
Old Man Flanagan, also in nightgown and cap, and 
also looking down), said: — 

"Arrah!! Go wan oop stairs, you snoopin' 
varmit !" 

"Who's a snoopin' varmint? Not you, of 

"Go wan oop, I say! By golly! That 
darlin' girl has found a mountain of gold wid 
Norman an' " 

"Who's that wid Norman? That guy's 
around, nights, now, as — " 

"Say, you!! Do you go oop? Or do I swat 


[ 232 ] 


Bill Gadsby, going 
abroad, naturally wasn't on that ballot for Council- 
man Antor's chair ; but this history shows that that 
mouthy antagonist who had had so much to say 
about "pink satin ribbons" and "vanilla sprays," 
didn't win. No. A first class man got that position ; 
old Tom Young, Sarah's Dad, as good an old soul 
as any in all Branton Hills. And was Sarah hap- 
py! Oh, my! And was Sarah proud! Two "oh, 
mys!" Tiny Nancy, loyal as always to Bill, said: — 

"Bill was as good as in, for nobody, know- 
ing my Bill would ballot against him; and Bill 
would hold that honor now, but for 'Old Glory's' 

That's right, Nancy darling, you stick up 
for Bill; for, though Bill didn't know it until many 
months, a citation "for outstanding and valorous 
conduct in action" was soon to go through our Na- 
tional Printing Plant ! For a "city fop" or an "out- 
door part of a tailor shop" is not always a boob, 
you know. 

Gadsby's mansion was again brightly aglow 
that night, that "World War flag" not hanging in 
his window now. And so, on Labor Day night, 

[ 233 ] 

G A D S B Y 

Lady Gadsby and His Honor, sitting in his parlor, 
thought that a light footfall was sounding out on 
his porch. As Gadsby got up to find out about it, 
Julius, coming in with a young girl, stood looking, 
grinningly, at Lady Gadsby ; who, jumping up, said, 
happily : — 

"Why! Mary Antor!!" 

"No, Ma," said Julius. "This is not Mary 

"Not Mary Antor? Why, Julius, I think I 
know M " 

"Not Mary Antor, Ma, but Mary Gadsby!" 

"Oh! Oh! My darling girl!!" and half 
crying and half laughing, Mary was snuggling in 
Lady Gadsby's arms; and His Honor, coming in, 
saying : — 

"By golly! That young cuss, Cupid, is 
mighty busy around this town ! Why, I can hardly 
walk two blocks along Broadway, without a young 
girl, who has 'grown up in a night,' stopping, and 
saying: 'Mayor Gadsby, this is my husband.' But 
I'll say that Cupid's markmanship has always 
brought about happy matings. And, Mary, you 
darling kid, your sad, dark shadows will gradually 
pass ; and Lady Gadsby and I will try to bring you 
loads and loads of comfort. But, say, you, Julius! 

I didn't know that you and Mary " 

[ 234 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Ho, ho" said Mary, laughing. "Didn't you 
know that Julius and Norman and I sat out nights 
on old Lady Flanagan's porch?" 

"Why, no ; how should I ? I don't go snoop- 
ing around anybody's porch." 

"Ha, ha, Dad," said Julius; "no snooping 
would find that out. Mary and I had had this plan 
so long ago that I didn't know a World War was 
coming !" 

[ 235 ] 


As A small boy, your 
historian was told that "A king was in his counting 
room, a-counting out his cash," or similar words, 
which told, practically, of his taking account of 
stock. So, also, Gadsby was on his thinking-porch, 
a-thinking of his past. (A mighty good thing to 
do, too; if anybody should ask you!) 

"If," said His Honor, "you can't find any 
fun during childhood, you naturally won't look for 
it as you grow up to maturity. You will grow 
'hard,' and look upon fun as foolish. Also, if you 
don't furnish fun for a child, don't look for it to 
grow up bright, happy and loving. So, always put 
in a child's path an opportunity to watch, talk 
about, and know, as many good things as you can." 
Lady Gadsby, from a parlor window, said: 
"Practicing for a stumping tour, or a polit- 
ical pow-wow?" 

"Ha, ha! No. Just thinking out loud." 
So, as thinking cannot hurt anybody, His 
Honor was soon going on: — 

"Affairs which look small or absurd to a 
full-grown man may loom up as big as a mountain 
to a child; and you shouldn't allow a fact that you 

[ 236 ] 

G A D S B Y 

saw a thing 'so much that I am sick of it,' to turn 
you away from an inquiring child. You wasn't 
sick of it, on that far-past day on which you first 
saw it. I always look back, happily and proudly, to 
taking a small girl to our City Florist's big glass 
building; to a group at our Night Court; a group 
finding out about dispatching our mail; and our 
circus! Boy! That was fun! Our awarding 
diplomas at City Hall ; tiny Marian at our airport's 
inauguration ; our Manual Training School gradua- 
tion. All that did a big lot toward showing Youth 
that this big world is 'not half bad,' if adults will 
but watch, aid, and coach. And I will not stand 
anybody's snapping at a child! Particularly a tiny 
tot. If you think that you must snap, snap at a 
child so big as to snap back. I don't sanction 'talk- 
ing back' to adults, but, ha, ha ! I did find a grand, 
big wallop in Marian's April Fool cigar ! Woo ! 
Did Old Bill jump ! ! But that did no harm, and a 
sad young mind found a way to 'match things up' 
with an antagonist. Now, just stand a child up 
against your body. How tall is it? Possibly only 
up to your hip. Still, a man, — or an animal think- 
ing that it is a man — will slap, whip, or viciously 
yank an arm of so frail, so soft a tiny body ! That is 
what / call a coward!! By golly! almost a crimi- 
nal! If a tot is what you call naughty, (and no 

t 237 ] 

G A D S B Y 

child voluntarily is,) why not lift that young body 
up onto your lap, and talk — don't shout — about 
what it just did? Shouting gains nothing with a 
tot. Man can shout at Man, at dogs, and at farm 
animals ; but a man who shouts at a child is, at that 
instant, sinking in his own muck of bullyism; and 
bullyism is a sin, if anything in this world is. Ah ! 
Youth! You glorious dawn of Mankind ! You 
bright, happy, glowing morning Sun; not at full 
brilliancy of noon, I know, but unavoidably on your 
way! Youth! How I do thrill at taking your 
warm, soft hand; walking with you; talking with 
you ; but, most important of all, laughing with you ! 
That is Man's pathway to glory. A man who 
drops blossoms in passing, will carry joy to folks 
along his way; a man who drops crumbs will also 
do a kindly act ; but a man who drops kind words to 
a sobbing child will find his joy continuing for 
many a day ; for blossoms will dry up ; crumbs may 
blow away; but a kind word to a child may start a 
blossom growing in that young mind, which will so 
far surpass what an unkindly man might drop, as 
an orchid will surpass a wisp of grass. Just stop 
a bit and look back at your footprints along your 
past pathway. Did you put many humps in that 
soil which a small child might trip on? Did you 
angrily slam a door, which might so jolt a high- 

[ 238 ] 

G A D S B Y 

strung tot as to bring on nights and nights of in- 
somnia? Did you so constantly snarl at it that it 
don't want you around? In fact, did you put any- 
thing in that back-path of yours which could bring 
sorrow to a child? Or start its distrust of you, as 
its rightful guardian? If so, go back right now, 
man, and fix up such spots by kindly acts from now 
on. Or, jump into a pond, and don't crawl out 
again!! For nobody wants you around!" 

Lady Gadsby, as this oration was wafting 
off amongst lilac shrubs, and across soft, warm 
lawns, had sat, also thinking; finally coming out on- 
to that ivy-bound porch, and sitting down by His 
Honor, saying: — 

"That was just grand, John, but I was think- 
ing along a path varying a bit from that. You 
know that Man's brain is actually all of him. All 
parts of his body, as you follow down from his 
brain, act simply as aids to it. His nostrils bring 
him air ; his mouth is for masticating his food ; his 
hands and limbs furnish ability for manipulation 
and locomotion; and his lungs, stomach and all 
inward organs function only for that brain. If you 
look at a crowd you say that you saw lots of folks : 
but if you look at a man bathing in a pond; and if 
that man sank until only that part from his brow 
upward was in sight, you might say that you saw 

[ 239 ] 

G A D S B Y 

nobody; only a man's scalp. But you actually saw 
a man, for a man is only as big as that part still in 
sight. Now a child's skull, naturally, is not so big 
as a man's ; so its brain has no room for all that vast 
mass of thoughts which adult brains contain. It is, 
so to say, in a small room. But, as days and months 
go by, that room will push its walls outward, and 
that young brain gradually fill up all that additional 
room. So, looking for calm, cool thinking in a 
child is as silly as looking for big, juicy plums 
amongst frail spring blossoms. Why, oh, why don't 
folks think of that ? You know what foolish sound- 
ing things Julius was always asking, as a child. 
'How can just rubbing a match light it?' 'Why is 
it dark at night?' 'Why can't a baby talk?' But, 
you and I, John, didn't laugh at him. No, not for 
an instant. And now look at our Julius and our 
Kathlyn; both famous, just through all that asking; 
and our aid. John, God could put Man into this 
world, full-grown. But God don't do so; for God 
knows that, without a tiny hand to hold, a tiny foot 
to pat, tiny lips to kiss, and a tiny, warm, wrig- 
gling body to hug, Man would know nothing but 

Gadsby sat smoking for a bit, finally say- 

"Darling, that pair of robins up in that big 
[ 240 ] 

G A D S B Y 

oak with four young, and you and I in this big 
building, also with four, know all about what you 
just said ; and, and, — hmmm ! It's almost mid- 
night." And His Honor's mansion was soon dark; 
bathing in soft moonlight. 

[ 241 ] 


Practically all Brant- 
on Hills was talking about Councilman Simpkins; 
for Councilman Simpkins just didn't look natural; 
and Councilman Simpkins didn't act natural. In 
fact, Councilman Simpkins was crawling out of his 
old cocoon; and, though an ugly, snarling dowdy 
worm had lain for so long, shut up in that tight 
mass of wrappings around his brain, now a gay, 
smiling moth was coming out; for Councilman 
Simpkins was "dolling up !" 

If Bill Gadsby was known as a "tailor- 
shop's outdoor part," Old Bill was not a part. No, 
Old Bill was that tailor shop — outdoor, indoor, or 
without a door. In fact, Councilman Simpkins now 
had "it," such as our films talk about so much today. 

But Simpkins' outfit was not flashy or 
"loud." Suits of good cloth, hats of stylish form, 
always a bright carnation "just south of his chin," 
boots always glossy, and a smart, springy walk, 
had all Broadway gasping as this Apollo- vision 
swung jauntily along. Nancy, happy, giggling 
Nancy, was "all of a grin" about this magic trans- 
formation; and, with that old, inborn instinct of 
womanhood, told Lucy: — 

[ 242 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"You just watch, and mark my word. A 
woman is in this pudding! Old Bill just couldn't 
boom out in such a way without having a goal in 
sight ; and I'll put up a dollar on it." 

And Lucy, also a woman, said smilingly: — 
"And I'll put up a dollar and a half !" 
But His Honor and Lady Gadsby, at such 
talk would look skyward, cough, and say: — 

"Possibly a woman; and a mighty young 
woman, at that." 

Now, if anything will "warm up" a public, 
it is gossip; particularly if it is about mystifying 
actions of a public man ; and this had soon grown to 
a point at which a particularly curious man or wom- 
an thought of going to Old Bill and boldly ask- 
ing : "Who is it ?" But, as I said, what Councilman 
Simpkins would say to such "butting in" was known 
to all Branton Hills. No. Councilman Simpkins 
could doll up and trot around all that that portly 
Solon might wish ; but, so to say, a sign was always 
hanging from his coat front, saying: — 

"Hands off ! !" 

* * * * 

Nina Adams and Virginia sat on Gadsby's 
porch with Nancy and Kathlyn; and Old Bill was 
up as a topic. Virginia, constantly smiling and in- 
wardly chuckling, hadn't much to say about our 

[ 243 ] 

G A D S B Y 

frisky Councilman ; and Nancy and Kathlyn couldn't 
fathom why. But Nina, not so backward, said : 

"Pffft! If a man wants to throw old cloth- 
ing away and buy stylish outfits, what affair is 
it, but his own ? It isn't right so to pick out a man, 
and turn him into a laughing stock of a city. Old 
Bill isn't a bad sort; possibly born grouchy; but if 
a grouchy man or woman, (and I know a bunch 
of that class in this town!) can pull out of it, and 
laugh, and find a bit of joy in living, / think it is an 
occasion for congratulations, not booing." 

"Oh," said Kathlyn, "I don't think anybody 
is booing Councilman Simpkins. But you know 
that any showing of such an innovation is apt to 
start gossip. Just why, I don't know. It, though, 
is a trait of Mankind only. Animals don't 'bloom' 
out so abruptly. You can hunt through Biology, 
Zoology or any similar study, and find but slow, — 
awfully slow, — adaptations toward any form of 
variation. Hurrying was not known until Man got 

"My!" said Nancy, gasping, and not gig- 
gling now, "I wish that / could know all that you 
know, Kathy. As our slang puts it, 'I don't know 
nothin'.' " 

"But, you could," said Kathlyn, "if you 
would only study. All through our young days, 

[ 244 ] 

G A D S B Y 

you know, with you and Bill out at a card or danc- 
ing party, you in flimsy frills, and Bill swishing 
around in sartorial glory, / was upstairs, studying. 
And so was Julius." 

"That's right," said Nina. "I wish Virginia 
would study." 

"Oh, I am!" said Virginia, all aglow. 

"You? Studying what?" 

"Aviation ! Harold is going to show — " 

"Now, Virginia, Harold is not.'" and Nina 
Adams' foot was down! "It's not so bad for a man 
to fly, but a girl — " 

"But, Mama, lots of girls fly, nowadays." 

"I know that, and I also know a girl who 
won't! and, just as Lucy has always known that Old 
Tom Young's 'no' was a no, just so had Nina 
Adams brought up Virginia. 

"But," said Kathlyn, "this sky-shooting 
talk isn't finding out anything about Councilman 
Simpkins;" and Virginia said: — 

"Possibly Old Bill wants to 'fly high.' I 
think I'll ask Harold about taking him up for a 

This, bringing a happy laugh all around, 
Nina said : — 

"Now don't jolly poor Bill too much. I 
[245 ] 

G A D S B Y 

don't know what, or who, got him to 'going social.' ' 
And Nancy, giggling, said: — 

"I put up a dollar, with Lucy's dollar-fifty 
that it's a woman." 

"Oh, I don't know, now," said Nina. "A 
man isn't always trotting around on a woman's 
apron strings," and, as it was growing dark, Nina 
and Virginia got up to go. 

Passing down Gadsby's front walk, a soft 
night wind brought back to that porch: — 

"Now, Virginia, quit this ! You will stay on 
solid ground. f 

"Aw, Ma ! Harold says " 

But a big bus, roaring by, cut it short. 

* * * * 

Just a month from this, His Honor, sitting 
on his porch with his "Morning Post" ran across a 
short bit, just two rows of print, which had him 
calling "Hi !" which Lady Gadsby took as a signal 
for a quick trip to that porch. 

"All right, Your Honor! On duty! What's 

Gadsby, folding his "Post" into a narrow- 
column, and handing it to that waiting lady, said 
nothing. As that good woman saw that paragraph, 
Gadsby saw first a gasp, following that, a grin, and 
finally : — 

[ 246 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Why! Of all things! So that's Nina—" 

That row of print said, simply : — 

"By Pastor Brown, on Saturday night, in 
Pastor's study, Nina Adams and Councilman 

"Why !" said Lady Gadsby, laughing, "Nina 
sat on this porch only last month, talking about 
Old Bill, but saying nothing about this ! I'm going 
right around to hug that darling woman; for that 
is what I call tact." 

So, as Nina and our Lady sat talking, Nina 

"You know that Bill and I, growing up from 
kids in school, always got along grandly; no child- 
hood spats; but, still it was no 'crush' such as 
Youth falls into. As Bill got out of high school, I 
still had two rooms to go through. You also know 
that I wasn't a 'Miss' for long from graduation day. 
But Irving Adams was lost in that awful 'Titanic* 
calamity, and I brought up my baby in my widow- 
hood. Bill was always sympathizing and patroniz- 
ing, though all Branton Hills thought him a cast- 
iron grouch. But a public man is not always stiff 
and hard in his off hours; and Bill and I, slowly but 
gradually finding many a happy hour could — 

"All right, you grand, luscious thing!!" and 
Lady Gadsby and Nina sat laughing on a couch, 

[ 247 ] 

G A D S B Y 

as in old, old school days. "And," said Nina, hap- 
pily; "poor Bill's upstairs, now, putting his things 
around to suit him. Living for so long in a small 
lodging all his things staid in a trunk. A lodging- 
room always has various folks around, you know, 
and a man don't lay his things out as in his own 
room. So — " 

"Nina," said Lady Gadsby; "do you know 
what brought him out of his old shut-in way of 
looking at things?" 

"From just a word or two Bill drops, occa- 
sionally, I think that a child is — " 

And Lady Gadsby, said; "You know our 
Good Book's saying about; 'And a tiny child 
shall ," 

[ 248 ] 


Six months from that 
day upon which old Mars, God of War had angrily 
thrown down his cannons, tanks, gas-bombs and so 
on, fuming at Man's inability to "stand up to it," 
Gadsby's mansion was dark again. Not totally 
dark; just his parlor lamp, and a light or two in 
halls and on stairways. And so this history found 
Nancy and Kathlyn out on that moon-lit porch; 
Nancy sobbing, fighting it off, and sobbing again. 
Tall, studious, loving Kathlyn, sitting fondly by 
Nancy's tiny form, said; — 

"Now, sis; I wouldn't cry so much, for I 
don't think that conditions, just now, call for it." 

"B-b-b-but I'd stop if I could, wouldn't I?" 
and poor Nancy was sobbing again. "Now, wait!" 
and Kathlyn, uncommonly cross, vigorously shook 
Nancy's arm. "You can't gain a thing this way. 
Mama is probably all right. Oh, is that you, 

His Honor sat down by his two girls. Gadsby 
was not looking good. Black rings around his 
always laughing orbs; a hard cast to that jovial 
mouth ; a gray hah - or two, cropping up amongst his 
wavy brown. But Gadsby was not old. Oh, no; 

[ 249 ] 


far from it. Still, that stoop in walking; that odd, 
limp slump in sitting ; that toning down in joviality, 
had, for six months past, had all Branton Hills 
sympathizing with its popular Mayor. 

Days ; days ; days ! And, oh ! that tough part, 
— nights, nights, nights! Nights of two young 
chaps, in full clothing, only just napping on a parlor 
couch. Nights of two girls nodding in chairs in a 
dimly, — oh, so dimly a lit room. 

It got around almost to Christmas, only a 
fortnight to that happy day; but, — happy in Gads- 
by's mansion ? Finally Frank took a hand : — 

"Now, kid , do try to stop this crying ! You 
know I'm not scolding you, darling, but, you just 
can't go on, this way; and that's that!" 

"I'm trying so hard, hubby!" 

Now Nancy was of that good, sturdy old 
Colonial stock of His Honor and Lady Gadsby; and 
so, as Christmas was approaching, and many a 
bunch of holly hung in Broadway's big windows, 
and as many a Salvation Army Santa Claus stood 
at its curbs, Nancy's constitution won out; but a 
badly worn young lady was in and out of Gadsby s 
mansion daily ; bringing baby Lillian to kiss Grand- 

[ 250 ] 

G A D S B Y 

ma, and riding back with Frank at about six o'clock. 

* * * * 

Old Doctor Wilkins, coming - in on a cool, 
sharp night, found His Honor, Nancy, Kathyn, Bill, 
Julius, Lucy, Mary, Frank and John all in that big 

"Now, you bunch, it's up to you. Lady 
Gadsby will pull through all right," (Nancy rushing 
wildly to kiss him!) "it hangs now upon good nurs- 
ing; and I know you will furnish that. And I will 
say without a wisp of a doubt, that a calm, happy 
room; not too many around; and — and — hmmm!! 
Julius, can't you hunt around in our woods that you 
and Kathlyn know so thoroughly, and find a tall, 
straight young fir; cut it down, rig it up with lights 
and a lot of shiny stuff; stand it up in your Ma's 
room, and " 

"Tis a night, almost Christmas, 
And all through that room 
A warm joy is stirring; 
No sign of a gloom. 
And "Ma," sitting up, 
[251 ] 

G A D S B Y 

In gay gown, and cap, 
No, no ! Will not start 
On a long wintry nap ! 
For, out on that lawn 
A group of girls stand; 
A group singing carols 
With part of our Band. 
And that moon, in full vigor, 
Was lustrous; and lo! 
Our Lady is singing! 
Aha, now I know 
That Nancy and Kathlyn 
And Julius and Bill 
And also His Honor, 
Will sing with a will ! 
And Old Doctor Wilkins 
Amidst it all stands; 
Smiling and nodding, 
And rubbing his hands ; 
And, sliding out, slyly; 
Calls back at that sight : — 
"Happy Christmas to all ; 
And to all a Good Night!" 

Along about midnight a happy group sat 
around Gadsby's parlor lamp, as Dr. Wilkins was 

[ 252 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Stopping a war; that is, stopping actual 
military combat, is not stopping a war in all its fac- 
tors. During continuous hard strain a human mind 
can hold up; and it is truly amazing how much it 
can stand. Day by day, with that war-strain of 
worry pulling it down, it staunchly holds aloof, as a 
mighty oak in facing a storm. But it has a limit ! ! 
With too much and too long strain, it will snap; 
just as that mighty oak will fall, in a long fight. 
Lady Gadsby will avoid such a snap though it is by 
a narrow margin." 

As this group sat in that holly-hung parlor, 
with that big cloth sign in big gold capitals ; HAPPY 
CHRISTMAS, across its back wall; with horns 
tooting outdoors; with many a window around 
town aglow with tiny, dancing tallow-dip lights; 
with baby Lillian "all snuggling — so warm in a cot ; 
as vision of sugar plums" — (and why shouldn't a 
baby think of sugar plums on that night, almost 
Christmas?) ; as, I say, this happy group sat around 
Gadsby's lamp, Mars, that grim old war tyrant, was 
far, far away. Upstairs, calmly snoozing on a big 
downy pillow, Lady Gadsby was now rapidly com- 
ing back again to that buxom, happy-go-lucky First 
Lady of Branton Hills. 

[ 253 ] 


Christmas, gay and 
happy in Gadsby's mansion, was soon far, far back. 
A robin or two was hopping about on His Honor's 
lawn, looking for a squirming lunch; Lady was 
taking short walks with Nancy; Kathlyn having to 
go back to work in our big hospital. Lilac, syringa, 
narcissus, tulips, hyacinths burst out in a riot of 
bloom; and a bright warm Sun brought joy to all. 
And so this history found His Honor on his porch 
with his "Post" as a young lad, coming up, said; — 
"Good morning, sir. I'm soliciting funds for a big 
stadium for Branton Hills, which will furnish an 
opportunity for football, polo, " 

"Whoa!" said Gadsby, putting down his 
"Post" and looking critically at his young visitor. 
"You look a bit familiar, boy. Oho! If is isn't kid 
Banks; oh, pardon! — Allan Banks; son of Coun- 
cilman Banks ! You young folks grow up so fast I 
don't know half of you. Now what about this so- 
liciting. Who is back of you ?" 

"Branton Hills' Organization of Youth; 
Part Two, sir." 

"Branton Hills Org Ha, ha! Upon my 

word! Who is starting this group?" 

[ 254 ] 

G A D S B Y 

Mary, coming out from His Honor's parlor, 
said : — 

"Oh, I forgot to notify you of this. Norman 
has got about fifty kids from Grammar School boys 
and girls, anxious to follow in your Organizations^ 

Was Gadsby happy? Did Gadsby thrill? 
Did that long-past, happy day float in glowing col- 
ors through his mind? It did. And now that old, 
hard-working bunch of kids, grown up, now, and 
with kids of its own; that loyal bunch of young 
sprouts was taking root ; was born again ! 

Oh, how Youth crawls up on you! How a 
tiny girl "almost instantly" shoots up into a tall, 
charming young woman! How a top-spinning, 
ball-tossing, racing, shouting boy looms up into a 
manly young chap in Military School uniform! 
Gadsby was happy ; for, wasn't this a tonic for his 
spinal column? So His Honor said; — 

"Allan, I think Branton Hills will officially 
aid this stadium plan. I'll put it up to Council." 

But, Allan Banks, not Kid Banks now, was 
just so old as to know a thing or two about Coun- 
cil bills; and, out as a solicitor, naturally sought a 
good showing on donations won, so said; — 

"A Council donation will fit in grand, sir; 

but how about grouchy old Bill Simpk '' 

[ 255 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"Trot along, Allan." 

"But how about this stadium? I'm doubting 
Old B— " 

"Trot along, Allan." 

* * * * 

What Mary had said was a fact. Norman 
Antor had not only fought a military war; Nor- 
man Antor had also fought an inward war. A war, 
which fought him with gallon jugs, small phials, 
spoons, mixing apparatus, and — a stumbling, mum- 
bling stupor ! Norman had fought with about two 
million lads in that military war; but now, with no 
aid but a strain of good blood, starting way back of 
his carousing Dad (but, as such traits may, skip- 
ping a notch or two, and implanting in this young 
lad just a grain of its old nobility of mind), was 
fighting again ; and, just as any solitary young chap 
amongst that two million loyally did his part, just 
so was this tiny grain now doing its part ; fighting 
valiantly in his brain. It was giving him torturing 
thoughts in army night-camps, of a darling, loving 
young girl , a part of his own family , growing up 
"in a pool of liquor;" thoughts in night-camps of 
Branton Hills' patrol-wagon trips to jail; and 
Darn that thought of Virginia! Virginia drunk 

[ 256 ] 

G A D S B Y 

by his own hand ! Ugh ! ! Why not chop that stink- 
ing hand off? And, on coming back to Branton 
Hills, watching that darling Mary in Salvation 
Army uniform, tramping, talking, praying for just 
such low-down "liquor hounds" as . 

Oh! It was an awful fight! A long, brain- 
racking onslaught against a villain shut in by 
walls of iron ! But though Norman Antor's night- 
camp fights with Norman Antor had "put a big 
kick" in his wish to "lay off that stuff," just a final 
blow, just an awful brain-crashing blast was still 
missing, so that that big right hand might point sky- 
ward, to clinch that vow. And that blast was waiting 
for Norman! To anybody standing around, it 
wasn't much of a blast; but it wasl It was a 
mighty concussion of T.N.T., coming as Mary, 
young, loving, praying Mary, said, as his arms 
unwound from around that frail form: — 

"Why, Norman! Not drunk f" 

God!! What flashing, shooting, sizzling 
sparks shot through his brain!! Up, out, in; all 
kinds of ways ! ! What clashing bombs ! ! 

And, that first calm night on Old Lady Flan- 
agan's porch ; that moonlit night of bliss, with soft, 
cuddling, snuggling, laughing, crying darling 

"I say," Norman was shouting, inwardly; 
[ 257 ] 

G A D S B Y 

"that night of bliss was a night of bliss and don't 
anybody try to say that it wasn't!" 

For it was a night on which a young man's 
Soul was back; back in its own Mind, now full of 
God's incomparably grand purity ! 

Lady Gadsby was visiting Nina, sitting in 
that big front parlor ; Virginia sitting calmly rock- 
ing; (and, hmmm! That was about all Virginia 
ought to do, just now!) A young High School girl, 
coming in, said ; — 

"Good morning! I'm soliciting for funds 
for a stadium for " 

"Marian!" sang out Virginia, "What's all 
this? You, soliciting?" 

"Why not?" said Marian, brightly. "Nor- 
man Antor's Organization of Youth; Part Two, is 
soli — " 

"Norman Antor's what?" and Virginia 
was all agog in an instant, as Marian Hopkins told 
all about it; and, with childish flippancy, forgot 
all about soliciting, saying: — 

"I was told that Harold is giving flying in- 
structions. Don't you want to fly? My! /do!" 

"I did," said Virginia, softly ; "but, — not 
[ 258 ] 

G A D S B Y 

now ;" and Marian was a bit too young to know why 
Lady Gadsby was smiling at Nina ! 

As Nancy found out about this, on Lady 
Gadsby's coming back to lunch, that "old Branton 
Hills matron," as Gadsby found a lot of fun calling 
"his baby girl," now-a-days, said, giggling: — 

"No! Virginia ! You'll stay on solid ground!" 

[ 259 ] 


Lady Gadsby and His 
Honor sat in Branton Hills' First Church, on a hot 
July Sunday. Out-doors, twitting birds, lacy clouds, 
and gay blossoms, told of happy hours in this long, 
bright month. Pastor Brown, announcing a hymn, 
said : — 

"This is a charming hymn. Our choir always 
sings it without company ; but today, I want all you 
good folks to join in. Just pour forth your joy and 
sing it, good and strongly." 

That hymn had six stanzas; and Gadsby, 
noting an actually grand bass singing just back of 
him, thought of turning around, from curiosity ; and 
as that fifth stanza was starting, said to Lady 
Gadsby ; — 

"Do you know who that is, singing that 
grand bass part ?" 

Lady Gadsby didn't; but Lady Gadsby was 
a woman; and, from Noah's Ark to Branton Hills' 
First Church, woman, as a branch of Mankind, was 
curious. So a slow casual turning brought a dig in 
His Honor's ribs: — 

"It's Norman Antor !" 

Pastor Brown, standing at that big church 
[ 260 ] 

G A D S B Y 

door as folks, filing out would stop for a word or 
two, said to Gadsby: — 

"Young Antor is invariably in church, now- 
a-days. I may add to my choir, and am thinking of 
putting him in it. I'm so glad to find out about that 
boy winning his fight. I always thought Norman 
would turn out all right." 

Pastor Brown was right; and two Branton 
Hills girls, a Salvation Army lady, and a tiny tot of 
six had won crowns of Glory, from throwing rays 
of light into two badly stagnant Minds. 

[ 261 ] 



That's not so long a run in daily affairs, and this 
Branton Hills history finds Thanksgiving Day dawn- 
ing. In Branton Hill's locality it is not, customar- 
ily, what you would call a cold day. Many a Thanks- 
giving has had warm, balmy air, and without snow; 
though, also, without all that vast army of tiny 
chirping, singing, buzzing things on lawn or branch. 
But contrast has its own valuation; for, through it, 
common sights, vanishing annually, show up with a 
happy joy, upon coming back. Ah ! That first faint 
coloring of grass, in Spring! That baby bud, on 
shrub or plant, shyly asking our loving South Wind 
if it's all right to pop out, now. That sprouting of 
big brown limbs on oak and birch ; that first "blush 
of Spring" in orchards; that first furry, fuzzy, 
cuddly spray of pussy willows! Spring and Fall; 
two big points in your trip along your Pathway. 
Fall with its rubbish from months of labor: corn- 
stalks, brown, dry grass, old twigs lying around, 
wilting plants; bright colorings blazing in distant 
woodlands; chill winds crawling in through win- 
dows, at night. And Spring! Pick-up, paint-up, 
wash-up Spring ! ! So, as I said, Branton Hills got 

[ 262 ] 

G A D S B Y 

around to Thanksgiving Day ; that day on which as 
many of a family as possibly can should sit around 
a common board; coming from afar, or from only 
a door or two away. 

Gadsby's dining-room was not big; it had 
always sat but six in his family. But, on this 
Thanksgiving Day, — hmmm! "Wait, now — uh-huh, 
that's it. Just run that pair of sliding doors back, 
put that parlor lamp upstairs; and that piano? Why 
not roll it out into my front hall? I know it will 
look odd, but you can't go through a Thanksgiving 
'soup to nuts' standing up. Got to jam in chairs, any 
old way !" 

But who is all this mob that will turn His 
Honor's dining-room into a thirty-foot hall? I'll 
look around, as our happy, laughing, singing, clap- 
ping group sits down to Gadsby's Thanksgiving 

I find two "posts of honor;" (My gracious! 
so far apart!) ; His Honor, with carving tools fill- 
ing dish, dish, and dish. 

"Atta boy ! Atta girl ! Pass up your chow- 
dish! This bird has but two drum-sticks, but six 
of his cousins wait, out in our cook-shop! Lots of 
grub! What's that, Julius? A bit of dark? Want 
any gravy?" 

At Post Two sits "Ma;" again in that good 
[ 263 ] 

G A D S B Y 

old buxom condition, so familiar to all Branton 

"Right this way, folks, for potato, squash, 
onions, carrots and turnip ! !" 

What a happy bunch! Following around 
from Gadsby, sit Bill, Lucy and Addison. But 
whoa ! Who's this Addison ? Oh, pardon ; I for- 
got all about it. Lucy's baby; and his first Thanks- 
giving. Hi, you! Tut-tut! Mustn't grab raisins! 
Naughty, naughty! On Lucy's right sit Mary, 
Julius and Norman ; following along, I find Nancy, 
Frank and Baby Lillian, Kathlyn, John, Lady Stan- 
dish, Priscilla and Hubby Arthur Rankin; Nina 
Adams, — Oh ! A thousand pardons ! ! — Nina 
Simpkins! and Old Bill. Say! You wouldn't 
know Bill! Bright, happy, laughing, singing, and 
tapping a cup with his spoon; spick-span suit, and 
that now famous "Broadway carnation." Hulloa, 
Bill; you old sport!! Glad to find you looking so 
happy! What? Two whacks at that bird? Why 
Bill ! ! On Bill's right sits Pastor Brown, old Doc- 
tor Wilkins, Harold, Virginia, and Patricia. Oh, 
pardon again! Patricia, Virgina's baby; just six 
months old, today, and valiantly trying to swallow 
a half-pound candy cow ! Following around I find 
Old Tom Young, Sarah, and Paul. No, I don't find 
a high-chair by Sarah; but Sarah sits just rocking, 

[ 264 ] 

G A D S B Y 

rocking, rocking, now-a-days. Following on, again, 
is Old Tom Donaldson, Clancy Dowd, and — Old 
Lady Flanagan, with "this dom thing I calls hoos- 
band!" And lastly, Marian and old Pat Ryan 
from our railway station's trunk room. 

So it was just laugh, talk, "stuff," and — 

Oh, hum! Folks can't stay all night, you 
know ; so, finally, groups and pairs, drifting out, all 
had happy words for His Honor and Lady Gadsby ; 
and His Honor, a word or two ; for you know Gads- 
by can talk? So it was ; — 

"Good night, Nina; good luck, Old Bill! Oh! 
say, Bill ; will that cigar blow up? Good night, Vir- 
ginia; and ta-ta Patricia; and Virginia, you mind 
your Ma and stay down on solid ground! Aha, 
Clancy! You old motor-pump fan! No; that's 
wrong; animal-drawn pump! Good night, Pastor 
Brown ; so glad you put Norman in your choir. And 
now Old Tom and Sarah ! Tom, you look as young 
as on that day on which you brought Sarah, just a 
tiny, squalling, fist-waving bunch, to this porch to 
ask about adoption ! And I know Sarah has always 
had a kind, loving Dad. Paul, you young sprout! 
As you turn into a daddy, soon now, you'll find that, 

[ 265 ] 

G A D S B Y 

on marrying, a man and woman start actually liv- 
ing. It's miraculous, Paul, that's just what it is." 

And So it was; pairs and groups shaking 
hands and laughing, until finally a big buxom 
woman sang out : — 

"Whoops!! It was a zuow of a grub- 
lay-out ! It was thot ! But this dom thing I calls hoos- 
band. Say! You grub-stuffin' varmint! Phwat's 
that in your hat ? A droom-stick, is it ? Do you want 
His Honor to think I don't cook nuthin' for you? 
Goodnight, all ! I'm thot full I'm almost a-bustin' !" 

As Lady Standish shook hands, that worthy 
woman said: — 

"John, what you did for Branton Hills 
should go into our National Library at Washington, 
in plain sight." 

"Sally, Youth's part was paramount in 
all that work. All I did was to boss ;" and Old Doc 
Wilkins, coming out, nibbling a bunch of raisins, 
said : — 

"Uh-huh ; but a boss must know his job !" 

"That's all right," said Gadsby; " but it was 
young hands and young minds that did my work! 
Don't disqualify Youth for it will fool you, if you 


* * * * 

t 266 ] 

G A D S B Y 

A glorious full moon sails across a sky with- 
out a cloud. A crisp night air has folks turning up 
coat collars and kids hopping up and down for 
warmth. And that giant star, Sirius, winking slyly, 
knows that soon, now, that light up in His Honor's 
room window will go out. Fttt ! It is out ! So, as 
Sirius and Luna hold an all-night vigil, I'll say a 
soft "Good-night" to all our happy bunch, and to 
John Gadsby — Youth's Champion. 



Note : Not a word containing the letter "E 
has appeared in this story of over 50,000 words. 

[ 267 ] 

?;•■'-.-■•. ' "-'!'..• 

~ \